Sunday, 11 July 2010

• Meeting the Parent(s): When And How Should It All Go Down?

  

  So, you've been seeing a lot of each other, and the both of you want to start exclusively dating. There's no trouble in paradise, and the forecast reads clear skies. "I really want you to meet my parent(s)!" says your beau.

  Your heart speeds up, your palms get clammy, and you're suddenly not sure about things. What does it mean when someone takes you to meet the parent(s)? When's the right time and how should it happen?

  The blockbuster hits Meet the Parents and its sequel, Meet the Fockers, were hilarious depictions of the nervousness and unpleasantries that can take place when we meet the parent(s) of our lucky ones. It's often assumed that you are asked to meet the parents when your beau foresees a future with you.

  But, that's not always the case. Sometimes people are close to their parents and would have them meet a suitor regardless of how they feel about you or the relationship.

  Don't over analyze an offer to meet with his or her parents. You could scare yourself into saying something really silly. Or, you could scare yourself out of the relationship. Neither of the above are worth it. In our culture, meeting the parents is almost like a "test" you have to pass, in order to see if you're good enough for your mate.

  The reality is, you are already good enough. You're not dating the parents. You're just meeting them. Don't go overboard to seek their approval, or try to impress them too much. Just be you. After all, you're who your beau is smitten with, right?

  The best time to make this move is when you're secure in the relationship. You want to rest assured that a wise crack from an overly protective mother won't sway your beau to draw a negative conclusion about the relationship. Use the occasion to asses his or her family dynamic. Every family has a healthy level of dysfunction so keep your mental notes to a minimum. But keep your eyes open. This is a unique opportunity to witness how your beau relates to the people s/he loves and cares about the most.

  I think the best place to meet the parent(s) is on neutral territory. If you go to their home, you may feel obligated to be overly friendly even if someone is downright rude to you. Be prepared for someone to say something snappy (but don't necessarily expect it). At least if you're in public, you won't feel as guilty for defending yourself against a verbal attack, a dirty look or an inappropriate comment. The unfortunate reality is that some parents will attack you. Be confident that you're within your right to defend yourself. Promptly make you beau aware of the behavior, and s/he should be the one to address it openly. Not you.

  Some parent(s) are just unfit to meet our beaus. Those of you who court someone with crazy parents can breathe a sigh of relief. I once heard a girl say that non contact with one's family or parents says something negative about a person. I immediately disagreed with her false assumption. If your beau isn't in touch with the parents, it's for serious reasons. Let him or her explain this to you at the time they see fit. Accept that a decision on the subject has been made and don't push the issue.

  Meeting the parents shouldn't be scary at all. Just as we are looking for an approval stamp of sorts, they need to get your approval stamp as well. It's okay to dislike your beau's parents. It makes things a lot more complicated, but it's allowed. Don't show up empty-handed, and bring your sense of humor. If all else fails, it'll make a killer blog post someday!

  When did you first meet the parent(s)? What was it like? Did someone say or do something mean and uncouth? Share your stories with me in detail...I'd love to blog more about this.

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