Saturday, 10 July 2010
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Have You Been Type-Casted in the Dating World?
The other day when I met up with my non-Asian friend and her friends, the strangest thing happened to me. The first thing they asked me was if I was Chinese. After I said yes, they said they had a perfect guy to introduce me to. I told them that I'm off the market and not single and they immediately look dejected but only for a split second before asking me if I had any single Chinese girlfriends.
If you're wondering why it's strange, it's because this is the first time I'm meeting these girls and after shaking hands and exchanging names, they started firing all these questions at me. They didn't even give me a chance to order a drink first or set my bag down. I told them I had some single friends but not all of them were Chinese.
I wondered about the specific requirement, and they told me they had this single Chinese guy friend they're trying to hook up. I asked them what's wrong with other ethnicities and they looked a little dumbfounded and responded: "Well...we thought a Chinese person would want to date another Chinese person?"
Wow, I realized. Had I just been type-casted? I had never had this happen to me before. When I was young and single, I tended to date the people I'd meet in a group. So if my group of girl friends met a group of guys, we would sort of just mix and match up to whatever guy suited our respective fancies.
I've dated my fair share of Asian guys, but due to my extremely aggressive nature, I don't mesh well with them in a romantic relationship. I do have friends who would rather date within their own race, and that's fine. It's usually easier for them to meet people through their own network, and easier for their families to communicate if it ever became super serious.
When I say this has never happened to me before, though, I mean someone asking me what my ethnic background is before even asking me if I was still single, in an effort to match me with someone else.
As the night progressed, those same girls decided that they really liked me, and asked me to let them know if I ever became single because I would be such a good match for their friend. I looked them in the eye and told them that I was flattered, but I usually go for white guys. Another shocking moment for them. Hey, what can I say...I love me some white guys and I don't really have an excuse or explanation.
So has this ever happen to you before - where people automatically assume you'll be interested just because you share the same ethnic background?
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About the Author
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- From: Utoppia
- About Me: Laughter is contagious and Sarcasm is dangerous. I go by the saying "if you can't take a joke and laugh at yourself, don't diss other people because you're just asking for it."
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Comments (41)
Oh, man. I'm so glad you said that last bit. I would have loved to see their faces. :)
I've never had that happen to me, thankfully. Mostly because people don't try to hook me up with anyone- I find I do the job just fine myself. :Pall the freaking time It's ridiculous. Plus, people feel the need to tll me about all the other Korean people they've met. "Oh, you're Korean? I used to have this Korean neighbor once.... ." Wtf?. I have a co-worker who mentions her single friend I should date,an older Korean guy. I'm 26, hes like 40. A bit too old for me, I'd say. But then she mentioned to another co-worker about a single dad she knows (!!!) who's 32. I was like, "Wow, that's cool." And she looked at me surprised, and said, "Oh, but he's Mexican." So?!? My daughter's dad is Mexican. Lol. Some people
It's not just typecasting, it's racism. Obtuse racism, but still racism.
I've gotten that a few times, too. People seem to forget that one can date other ethnicities.
I like white girls too, friend. I know how you feel.
They sound pretty ignorant, no offense.
No, when I'm in my full state, I attract black guys like nothing else, hispanics as well. If I was free, that would have worked.
White guys don't like me because they're too good, and it's only fair that I do this or that and asians are hot, and I'm just whatever they are and they are not. They usually say I'm dressing like their mother or whatever.
Girls, when I was decent, tried to hook me up with the most misery, and I freed myself because none of the definitions make sense for me, but it's for them. It's not pure. It's not play. It's just for them. And they ride off into the eternal night even so.
Not in a desperate desired way, but I think I'm survivor of something. I really don't relate to anyone. I'm special in a bad way. Probably because I'm so hated.
That's so shallow-minded of them. I don't like how they were so persistent about it, and why can't that guy just man up and find himself a partner?
Many people are just ignorant and racist. I'm not romantically interested in asians, blacks, indians or white people though.
Hasn't happened to me. In fact just the opposite, all of my friends try to hook me up with other races. Mostly because those guys like white girls, and I'm white.
They were definitely in the wrong and very ignorant. How could they not tell they were upsetting you by their actions?
Omg, though this has never happened to me, I have the exact same views you have. I'm Chinese but for some reason I never got attracted to Chinese guys. I hate to shove them into categories, but they're not my type. I was meant for white guys :)
@Kittyluve@xanga - I'm confused, who does that leave?
It has never happened to me, because I was in a relationship for so long. We'll see if does now that I'm single, hah.
They sound so rude, what makes them automatically think you'll be perfect for someone just because you two are both the same race? Uhh.
Ughh, people are so dumb!
And this happens to me, except in the opposite I guess? People assume I won't date other races because they have some preconceived notion that black girls only like black guys [not true] I don't discriminate hunny; a good man is a good man!
@tomorrow_may_rain@xanga - Mix of some sort, or hispanic. I live in southern california so it's not a problem at all.
@tavatava@xanga - Agreed 100%
@xx_x_beautifully_broken_x_xx@xanga - I'm not attracted to asian guys either. I would always feel like I was going out with my brother for some reason. I like me some white men, too, haha!
There was this asian man I used to work with and when he found out we were the same ethnicity, he suddenly became very interested in me whereas he never talked to me before. He was much older too, so eww.... I also found out he was prejudice, too, against other asian races. I'm glad he doesn't work with me anymore.
I've been asked a lot in middle school and high school by guys if I knew any single Asian girls for them. I just shook my head at them.
I'm Cuban and mainly attracted to white guys, though I've dated Puerto-Ricans and other Cubans as well. Since most people don't know the difference between Cubans and other Spanish-speaking natives of other countries, they almost always tend to assume I'm Mexican. It's annoying.
this happens to me all the time but i just ignore it because those people are so ignorant to think like that.
I would have been so utterly and totally offended.
Wow, some people are really tactless and dense.
I kind of have lol..If I become interested in another guy that's not white, that guy will point out that he's not the same race as me & direct me to one of his white friends. I'm like 'okay great...but I don't like him'. But now I'm with a white guy & every other guy can be jealous that they didn't give me a chance.. =P Of course now if I see a guy I tried talking to they accuse me of being rascist.go figure lol.
That's pretty sad that they seem to be so ignorant.
I'm mixed so I'm not sure if I can contribute anything. All I can say is that Asian guys seem to steer clear of me and White guys, while friendly, just rule me out as a dating option. Despite being half-Black, I'm not really attracted to Black guys at all, yet they're the ones I'm approached by most often.
Sometimes my friends seem to have this idea that being half-Korean gives me a better chance to nab a Korean guy. Haha, yeah right.
Well, it hasn't happened to me and I'm glad, but I have a complicated background. I'll just say I'm Chinese mixed Vietnamese and most everyone assumed that I would date either a Chinese or Vietnamese guy. I have thought about that before and I was aiming for Asians because they appeal to me the most. I didn't find any Chinese or Vietnamese guy, but I found myself a Korean boyfriend ^.^ (and I love him).
Those girls you've met are just presumptuous or perhaps, they've seen a lot of Chinese+Chinese couples. Or maybe their guy friend is looking for a Chinese girl as well and they're just trying to play match-maker. Just don't take it offensively and I'm sure once you've rejected them and told them directly about your preference, they'll stop bothering you.
never had it happen to me, but that's ridiculous. you can't help who you fall in love with, or what you're attracted to, which is also why i hate gay-bashing.
it's amazing how much a factor race seems to play in our society in general. i barely ever think about it, unless it is brought up. i have a complicated background (i'm italian and jewish, but that's only if you consider "jewish" a race. some do, some don't, so i've never quite been sure of that half), so i've just always considered myself american and never thought much of it. it's astounding, though. i live in the bronx because i happen to be really poor, and 90% of the time when i get hit on here, race is brought up. a common catcall for me is "hey snowflake. aw, come here snowflake, let me get to know ya". snowflake? really? cause that's surely going to make me want you to get to know me! i even had one guy ask me if i ever dated a black guy, and i said that i hadn't and he went on about how i should dump my current, white boyfriend and get a black boyfriend because the black man is a king and has a huge cock. i politely declined and told him i was very satisfied with my current boyfriend, and his cock. but that wasn't the first, or last, time something like that happened.
ps, to the OP, i love that you told them you like white guys, haha. the looks on their faces must have been priceless
Yeah, this happens all the time. Some people just dont understand that times have changed.