I've been friends with this guy for a couple years now. He liked me when we first met but I was dating someone already. Then he was dating someone, then I was dating someone else, and so on. However, we're both currently single. We've hooked up in the past, but still never being more than friends. I've always still liked him though. I'm stuck debating between telling him how I feel (which I'm afraid would make a mess of things) or just to ignore it and move on, sparing our friendship. If anything did happen outside of the physical realm, I'd have to be the one to start it. Not to mention the mess it would make if he didn't feel the same way, rejecting me.
How do you take the first step into being more than just friends or lovers or strangers with someone? Is it so high school to feel afraid of being rejected?
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Comments (13)
Everyone fears rejection. It's whether you have the courage to get past the fear that matters.
You'll regret it if you never try, and regret sucks.
Years ago, I was rejected before by a friend I liked, and we're still good friends. The feelings go away if things don't work out, and if he's a good guy he won't let it make things awkward. (As long as you don't too.)
It's not abnormal to fear rejection, but you don't have much to lose. And considering how your friendship has already had a bit more of the romantic aspect, I don't think it'll impact things in too much of a negative way. Go for it. :)
one thing i learned, it's better to love and get hurt then never love at all.
I would try if i were you...honestly....if he doesnt like me i would just disappear..not a big deal...
and in some cases, you can still be friends...
Just tell him. It better to do something about it, than wish you did but couldn't. That fear stopped me from dating some of my guy friends when I was younger. If he freaks out and stops all contact with you, then he isn't the right guy for you anyways. If he comes around (in a few days or a week) and lets you know he feels the same way, then you have a keeper.
My boyfriend and I met in high school, we were in the same class (of an extremely small number of students - 11) for a year. I was dual enrolled in college courses as well, and I didn't have a car, which left me with taking the city bus, to be followed home most evenings by a very ominous person. He insisted on picking me up from then on. We became good friends, really good friends. We got each other. But... it was just friendship. I started liking him first, I suppose... but I just couldn't tell him.
This is ridiculous, but, my little sister actually told him over the phone one day. I was pleasantly surprised when he picked me up from class, took me to the park, and kissed me.
But... this was high school. He got a little too in to the 'party scene,' and with me being so geared toward schooling, I just couldn't handle that, and things started to deteriorate, until we broke it off - but remained good friends. Then I graduated, we still stayed friends, but he didn't make the grades to graduate (which was disappointing to me, because he's very intelligent.) I became so busy with school, that our friendship fell by the wayside for few months, and then he graduated, and joined the Air Force.
He called me after basic, when he got his first cellphone. I remember hanging up the phone, and crying. I always sorta saw myself ending up with him, once he grew up, and I thought now this meant it was over, with him being so far. He came home for a bit last year, and one thing lead to another. We spent hours out in this park we always hung out in while in high school, just talking about everything in our lives. Then he held my hand. Then he went back to Las Vegas (where he's stationed) and I visited him for Christmas. And I just... threw myself out there, into the deep, told him how I felt, told him how there was always a 'spot' for him. A spot no other man had ever come close to occupying, or even touching.
... And the rest is history, we're extremely happy.
I guess the best way... is to just jump in the deep end. I hate living my life thinking about 'what if's.'
Sorry for my life story :P
@aexanatomy@xanga - :3
If you like him, tell him. What's the worse that can happen?
Relationships that are defined are so much better; couple or friends.
If he doesn't want a couple relationship than the friend relationship will be better without any awkward or second guessing. If he does want the couple relationship, then there you go: you get to try out being a couple.
What do you have to loose? Nothing. Maybe you're thinking: well we can't be friends if he rejects me! well here's the news: if you do loose such a friend because of this, it's better now to learn loosing him, because if he was good friend, friendship doesn't die after confrontation and rejection.
Besides, liking and starting a relationship is suppose to be the easy part, because trying to make it work is the hard part.
Also, he must be an awesome person, don't you think he deserve to know that he is likable? Honestly, I think it's a great feeling to know that someone likes you, even though I might not or might do share the same.
You don't want to keep guessing and asking yourself what ifs. If you want the answer, you better seek the answer.
@RACHEL___llenadeluz@xanga - right you are!
@aexanatomy@xanga - aww! that's so cute! happy for you guys!
Usually rejection isn't the difficult part. It's the times that I'm not rejected that I have no clue what to do next.