When you can get the milk for free?"
Shoot. I'm usually pretty positive, but momma's gotta vent.
This is one phrase I have to say I'm so over hearing.
I live with my boyfriend. And when I say boyfriend I mean-- we aren't married. (Lets all gasp together...) And when the more conservative people in my life hear this... that phrase gets thrown in my face.
"Honey, he isn't going to marry you. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
First of all, I'm not a cow. Second of all, he doesn't get any milk from me unless it's bought from the store.
Third, we will get married one day, when we have the money to do so. A ring on my finger won't change my feelings for him. It won't make me any more committed because I know we are faithful to each other in every sense of the word. He is my best friend and I tell him everything. I don't need to stand before 200 people to prove that.
He's not getting all the benefits of a marriage without the marriage. He's getting the benefits of a commitment, with the commitment. And he's not getting "the milk" without "buying the cow." He pays the bills in this house, he buys dinner whenever we go out, chips in for groceries. He does more than his fair share and I appreciate how hard working he is. If the above saying is true, well then he is most definitely getting "the milk" because he keeps "the cow" happy, comfortable, and safe.
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Comments (68)
Aww! Well I'm glad your relationship works out so well! :D
I really like this post. It shows a great deal of maturity and is well thought out.
I look positively on domestic partnership. I am too glad your relationship works out so well!!!
You can always get married at a courthouse.
That phrase is so udderly outdated! Moo!
lmao
very well craftedb(^-^)dDo what makes you happy. Screw everyone else.
The end.
Haha I relate to this 100%. Some people need to shut their fucking mouths.
I love it! You make great points. I do not like being "the cow" and it is true, men that are in committed relationships and take care of "the cow" are working very hard and deserve the damn milk that we are more than happy to provide!
agree!
i think it's sad that both more traditional, older people and younger people think this saying holds true
I kinda don't understand why people use that phrase......technically if a cow is for sale, and I just take the milk without buying said cow--would that be considered stealing? lol
Anyway, I like your post. Getting married does not define the love in a relationship :o) And people should not stick their nose into your business.
i am happy for you. :) that "cow" argument is so sexist and offensive.
That old line is so full of crap. I was dating my husband when I got pregnant with our first child. He asked me to marry him, we moved in together, and got married when our first was a year old. We've since had child #2.
Women don't "give the milk away". That's a ridiculously old fashioned and sexist mindset. We're simply being very thorough in trying to determine whether the men we date are really the ones we want to spend our lives with. After all, who wants to spend a lifetime partnered with a man who's bad in bed?? Not me!
Yea, it just depends on the guy! And how else will you know what a person is truly like without living with them? I'd rather find that out before I get married so I don't have to divorce.
Oh, but IMO? If you guys want to get married, don't let money hold you back. I had the big, fancy wedding with most of the frills the first time around, and then a simple ceremony at a family member's house with a tent in the yard for the 2nd. My 2nd wedding was MUCH more fun and memorable than the 1st.
I love when people bring up this argument. I just point to my brother and new sister-in-law who had dated for numerous years, sharing a house for two of those years, and just got married last summer. They'll admit it themselves, getting married really didn't change anything in the home. They're just as happy as they were before.
I'm living with my bf and we have plans to marry someday. People don't give me those weird stares and say stuff like that because most of my family aren't even married to one another. It's all one big domestic partnership. But yeah, a good post =)
I say, let's do whatever makes us happy...and screw everyone else if they have anything to say about it..
I come from a somewhat "traditional" upbringing, so if I had a boyfriend that I was living with, my parents would not be happy with that. It's not something I'm eager to do either, but that's really my choice and I don't care what anyone else thinks of it. Especially in this economy, if I found that the only way I could be ina comfortable living environment is by living with my boyfriend, because NO ONE else is available that I trust, then that's the choice I have to make (I don't see that even being the case, but things happen). I don't really buy the argument of "how will I know what he's like if I don't live with him" because I can tell a lot of things about a man's behavior and habits from conversations and how he manages some of his possessions. If his car is a mess, his apartment is probably a mess as well. If he's a basketball fanatic, he probably spends a lot of time watching games and even attending them. If he's a great kisser, chances are he's good at the rest, and if it turns out he has a few odd habits then he and I will have some quality time fixing them ;) I guess some people aren't as good as figuring out things like that.
I think in the past, one of the main concerns about an unmarried couple living together was the temptation of sex. But people have sex now whether they're living together or not, so what does it matter? Living together just saves commuting time.
While I agree that you don't need marriage to have a happy, healthy commitment, I don't really think you get what people are trying to tell you. If he's paying the bills, pays when you go out, helps out with other things around the house, what are you going to do if it doesn't work out? You have no legal rights to anything. He could literally leave you high and dry with bills you can't afford on your own, a house you can't maintain, etc. I don't think everyone has to get married to be happy, but depending on someone financially and building a life around them with no legal recourse is foolish.
I think by "conservative" you actually mean "judgmental and overbearing"
@unabridgedtales@xanga - @Lil_Dude433@xanga - Thanks :)
@crazysogul@xanga - I look positively on domestic partnership as well! It works for us, so I can't complain :)
@SandraDeeDees@xanga - "Udderly"... hilarious haha!
@lenybobsyouruncle@xanga - Thanks, haha! The phrase drives me crazy... I think that showed :)
@finding_me_x0@xanga - Agreed. I'm so over judgmental people telling ME how to live MY life.
@FallenStar82387@xanga - @thegreenlinda@xanga -
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - @KasumiCelesta@xanga - I HATE being "the cow" in that phrase! haha! And what is "the milk" anyways? The sex? Cause he's getting that regardless of living with me or not haha!
@lupa@xanga - Exactly. I am SO happy I moved in with my boyfriend before marriage. I have learned so much in the past 3 months that I otherwise wouldn't have found out. And I'd rather learn now then when we tie the knot....
@mcmeister89@mancouch - That's so true. I don't believe marriage will change anything. We are real with each other now. We're faithful, loyal, and in love. It works!
@Hinase@xanga - I agree! LETS BE HAPPY! Life's too short not to, right?
@LR - I have a job and work hard as well. I was doing fine before we moved in together and I know I'll be fine if things were to go south for us. I just wish people would learn about him and I, our relationship, our love, our situation before telling me that he's getting "the milk" for free. Or they could just not worry about me at all, you know? We learn by experience.
@acomfortingcolloquy@xanga - EXTREMELY judgmental and overbearing. Especially considering one of the women who stated this had JUST met my boyfriend... talk about a way to "win him to the Lord..." (as she worded it)
@thecoolwhipofthepieoflife@xanga - It is too short.. =)
Personally, I think it's stupid to not move in with someone before you marry them. Just because you love someone and are compatible in other ways doesn't mean it will work out when you live together. You have to learn what's it's like to live with that person, otherwise all sorts of issues could pop up that you never saw before. But living with a guy obviously isn't going to stop him from marrying you. That's just silly thinking right there.
Great post. :D
The whole saying is nonsensical. I mean, approaching it from within the bounds of the metaphor, there are two readily apparent ways of resolving the issue:
1. Sell the milk. That's right, if he's not getting the milk for free, he might just buy the cow because it's more worthwhile. Simple economics, and pretty much the way a free market works. Also, promotes prostitution.
2. Buy the cow without ever having tried the milk. If he's unlucky, the milk will be sour or of poor quality, and then he's the proud owner of a cow with bad milk. That would be fun. Then he'd probably end up going out and buying more cows.
Well, that works out well for everyone.