Ladies and gentleboys, I have for you another warning for the word-vomit front, another type that we all must ensure is tightly locked from motion before any sort of date ensues. This type is what I like to think of as "the self-proclamation train" (SPT).
The self-proclamation train is an indefinitely long and irritatingly repetitive line-up of self-proclamations - statements explaining what the statement-maker "is". Unlike flaw talk, these proclamations are always positive - the person making them is, essentially, tooting his or her own horn. So to speak.
What separates the self-proclamation train from average horn-tooting is its level of excess. The train is in nonstop motion. In fact, it is likely that once the train has been let loose, statements will be pulled so often from its many compartments that they will not even necessarily keep within the boundaries of conversational context. All conversation will ultimately diminish into an item from the SPT, centering the train at the conversational core.
On the off-chance that this is still unclear, I'll give you an example. This example is NOT hypothetical. This conversation really took place.
Date: I'm the kind of person who is just so impulsive.
Me: Ye-
Date: It's a GOOD thing though. I'm glad I'm impulsive. Not only does it make me interesting, it also makes me more fun.
Me: I guess so. I suppose it makes you better able to deal with consequences.
Date: Oh, definitely. Yeah I'm great at taking responsibility for my own and other's actions. I think that's probably one reason why I get along with pretty much everyone.
Me: Oh, you do?
Date: Yeah, I'm just very charismatic, too.
(Me: Yes, how obvious.) Take a wild guess at which person released his SPT.
That's an especially extreme (while, I maintain, completely accurately accounted) example, but you get the idea. I'm sure many of you have probably been on one or the other end of a similar conversation (though the receiving-end experience does stick a little bit more permanently in the memory. Also, that's what she said - I had to).
Anyway, if you actually like your date, releasing your SPT is a terrible move. The effect of your SPT upon your date's perception of you is as follows:
1. You're insecure. Your date is, guaranteed, sitting there wondering why you need to tell him or her stuff that should be fairly obvious, if it's true. If some of the self-proclamations are just not statements about things that the date would have had time or reason to see yet, then the date is wondering why you wouldn't just give him/her time to see them in action - why you're rushing through the program. This has a twinge of "Please don't leave me" to it. Avoid it.
2. You're disinterested. By spending so much time talking, you're stopping your date from equal conversational participation. This sends out the message that you don't really want to give them the opportunity, which implies that you're not that interested in them after all. Having most of us been dates ourselves, we know that this message always seems louder and clearer than any other dating message out there.
3. You're self-involved. You're spending time talking about YOURSELF, for chrissake! That should be boring to you - ask your DATE about her or his life, because you should be trying to get to know them (duh, it's a date, after all). When you're openly on a date with yourself in front of the person you're supposed to be on a date with, she or he has every right to be straight-up insulted. You're not there for them. You're probably incapable of really "being there" for anyone while you and you sort things out.
4. You're domineering. You have controlled conversation, and the reason your date knows this is that she/he definitely did not want to talk about you all night. It was boring by the time caravan #2 of the SPT passed through, and this means your date feels like her/his preferences were trampled by yours. That feeling won't lead them to come crawlin' back for more any time soon.
5. You're annoying. Besides all of the above, you can't carry a proper conversation. That's an automatic, situationally unconditional turn-off. If ya can't go on dates with 'em, ya can't...well...date 'em. And that's quite a bump on the road to any relationship, no?
The list items are pretty self-explanatory, and my elaborations on them are probably unnecessary. I just think it might be helpful to reiterate support to the conclusion that your SPT train should absolutely never be released upon someone that you may actually wanna keep around. (*Similarly, if someone's SPT train is released on you, I'd suggest jumping right off their track.)
Sure, releasing it may be harmless enough. Yeah, releasing it can be a random error due to nerves. Hey, maybe your date won't even mind, and your SPT will run right into marriage. Don't take the chance. Just don't do it.
Has anyone ever been on the receiving (or giving) end of the SPT?
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Comments (7)
oh my heavens-my most recent ex did this all the freaking time. > : O
i'm paranoid about doing this. while it's sort of my standby strategy by nature, i find that it really only comes out if i'm just not really interested in whoever i'm talking to. if they're intriguing enough, i'll be actively trying to get to know them better. if they aren't, i'll pretty much involuntarily just go on and on about myself, considering i'm clearly much more interesting than them anyway.
Wow. That's the kind of person I'd like to watch on TV, but would rather punch in real life.
The kind you save in your phone just so you know whose calls to ignore.
my mother. 4+5.
HAHAHAHAHAHA this is exactly what my old roommate would do! She was such a conceited idiot.
I think it can also come from nerves. People can be pretty nervous on a date. One guy I went on a date with spent most of the time on his SPT. When we hung out a month later as friends it was a completely different story. He still bragged a bit but not obnoxiously so.
@FallenStar82387@xanga - hahah i know...but like, peeing ur pants can be a nervous habit too. still a dealbreaker. ;)