Monday, 05 July 2010

• Last Impressions Mean the Most: Battling a Break Up

  

  First impressions are one of the most significant interactions that we have people. But, they are not the most important contrary to the old adage. In intimate dating relationships, the last impressions overshadows all other interactions that two people have shared. The manner which both parties handles or mishandles the break up, will determine the way which both people remember one another. Is there a such thing as a good clean break? Why are mature break ups important? What's the best way to break up?

  "There's no easy way to drive off a cliff" said a former friend of mine. He had ended a long term relationship with his girlfriend prior to our conversation. I was seeking his advice on helpful hints to end my then horrific love affair. My friend assured me that no break up is easy. Mutual break ups aren't nearly as common as one individual deciding that the relationship is no longer fruitful. For the former scenario, amicable break ups are easier to come by; yet, still challenging. For the latter, breaking up can be more complicated than the relationship ever was.

  Rejection stares in the face of every person who has ever been dumped by a beau. I don't care how confident s/he thinks s/he is, rejection hurts. Our natural instinct is to protect ourselves from any attacks or unwanted sensation from our external environment. We are never closer to bestial than when we feel rejected. At these times, survival of the fittest comes in. We struggle to protect our broken and bruised ego at any costs. Often, the cost includes things like respect, maturity and rational thought.

  A man's true character shines more brilliantly in his times of distress than rest. Hence, the way that someone treats us when they're hurting or rejected is indicative of what s/he is truly capable of. Every "I love you!" and "I would never hurt you!" will be forgotten when you break out the break up battle gear. Hurting people hurt people. Revenge is the bitter sweet nectar that angry ex's hanker for at the outset of a break up. Immature ex's seek to "even up the odds" and hurt the other person in anyway that s/he can. This trait doesn't disappear with age either.

  Love quickly turns to hate when feelings like rejection and bitterness tag team. The reality of a break up isn't that one person is inadequate and completely wrong. It takes two to relate. Break ups result from two people who are incompatible and have irreconcilable differences. Often, we attribute a break or character flaw to some major failing of an individual. When we do this, we start to hate that other person. The truth of a break up remains that two people, with both favorable and unfavorable qualities, are simply not good for another. But in the height of the break up, both people want to point the finger at the other and blame the person for their problems.

  A healthy break up begins with acknowledging the reality of life, love and human relationships. Two good people can share a chemistry; but, chemistry does not make up for lack of compatibility. Both people in the relationship are no more or less human. We bring excess baggage, inexplicable emotions and irrationality to every human relationship that we become involved in. When feelings get involved, we separate a person from his or her past. We expect that person to be a compltely clean slate without brokenness and flaws that we can't control or fix. At that point, we are punishing a person for simply being a person.

  A mature break up is when two people can walk away from one another and truly wish the other well. You shouldn't be thinking: "You're going to PAY for what you did to me!" If you are, that means you haven't accepted the break up. Break ups should also include the crucial element of closure. Neither party should be left up in the air about what was, is, or will happen between you two. Break up one time and one time only. Ritual break ups at the turn of every corner are signs that there is something relationally wrong with the two people involved.

  If you are involved in a break up, have a close friend on stand by at all times. If you feel like drunk dialing your ex, drunk dial your bestie. Friends are a life line during a break up. They provide emotional support and comfort that we need. Don't isolate yourself at any costs. You'll put yourself at risk for feelings of worthlessness. You may be tempted to contact your ex which is a major no no. When it's over, let it be over. Don't blow up each other's cell phones and show up at each other's doorsteps. You're pouring salt in a wound when you do.

  Post break up antics implicate each party in a situation that neither should be implicated in further. When you walk away from someone with dignity and pride, they will always remember you fondly. Even if they are still angry and hurt by the break up, they will not have angry words to spew about you legitimately. Unfortunately, ex's slander us quicker than our foes. But, when that ex's head hits the pillow at night, s/he'll be wondering how you are and what you're up to. She won't be wishing that you get what's coming to you or that your heart hurts as bad as there's.

  Break ups are tragic. They hurt like hell. During these times, our self-control is tested to the limit. The ultimate question you will be answering is: "Am I ruled by my emotions or my cognitions?" During break ups, it's best to be ruled by the latter. You can't always 'listen to your heart' because it's fickle and can change at any moment. You can trust your logic. Walk away from someone appreciate for what was versus bitter and unsure of what will be.

  Remember, feelings are feelings. They aren't right or wrong. The way that we react to them can be right or wrong. Leave a classy lasting impression.

  Have you had trouble handling break ups? How did you handle your last relationship? Do you still feel bitter about it or have you moved on?

  Image Source

  • 5:01 PM
  • 2266 Views
  • 34 eProps
  • 20 Comments