Saturday, 03 July 2010
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Flipping The Script On Gender Roles
Many a times the society have conditioned the female gender into thinking that man should be the provider of all that must take place from different aspects of life. Not that I disagree, but why have the society and media in general continue to blur the line between the female-to-male socialization process? What I mean exactly is why do women in general have to play the shy game when it comes to liking a man. Women have continually stood by and waited until the first exchanges of words to be initiated by a man. Men have continually rose the challenge of impressing any particular women they may see out of luck on the street.
Women tend to play the game of non verbal gestures to hint at what she wants from you, even eye contact is still a very influential part of the female game to lure a man that shes attracted to. Since not most women are assertive in their prospects in the art of female-to-male socialization.
I say all of that just to assert myself that women should be blunt in their prospects for finding that special someone which they so desire, as they could walk right by you and then you could resort to a mode of what-if,what-could-have-been and so on.In being assertive we as men can be sure that we also are doing the right thing into trying to attract a female of our specific liking.
I think is just in my opinion that women can be assertive and approach a guy and dispense their feelings.
When women were younger they blatantly expressed their feelings through continuous blushing and the constant nagging of a particular boy. They would have continued this to show their appreciation that they like you but as they grow,they are conditioned into thinking that men should be the one that initiates such conversations. Why have they outgrown these traits.
In my opinion I think that when a woman initiates such conversations they exactly knows what they want in a man, but on the other way they may know what they want but see traits of which she wants. When the female initiates the process the relationship is destined to be better as she will assert herself, and tell the man exactly what she wants and how she wants it.
Why have this trait erased from the memory bank of the females, Could it be the media, are they shy, are they conditioned that way. You tell me...
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- From: Blanco_Curious@xanga
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Comments (16)
it's societal conditioning and a throwback (that i don't like) to mate selection theory.
i don't necessarily think we should "flip the script" on gender roles because doing so only emphasizes that a "script" existed in the first place. rather, i think it would be better if all people were forward and honest, disregarding gender roles altogether.
I think it is that guys just usually ARE attracted to the challenge. So girls knowing this, understand that usually the best way to catch a man is to run away from him. And by run, I mean just play coy and use eye contact and subtle touching to to draw him in rather than up front and blunt "I want you to be my bf!" Because guys don't usually look at that as much of a challenge and aren't that interested. Of course that isn't always the case, a lot of guys are intrigued and flattered to be so openly admired and are into it, but that is definitely not the norm, most of the time guys want a chase, especially the kind of guys us girls are into. So we have figured it out and behave accordingly.
Well, the eye contact and blushing and all that silly stuff is part of flirting, and flirting is fun. It's also a way of communicating that you like someone without directly telling them, which people like to do as a way to "feel out" the other person--if the gestures are returned, they are probably interested. If the flirting is not reciprocated, the person is probably not interested.
I've been told multiple times by older women in my life that "how you get him is how you keep him." And from my experience, that's been true. When a woman "catches" a man by chasing him and "nagging" him, as you put it, it sets the tone for the relationship and she spends the rest of it doing exactly that--chasing and nagging him. And no woman wants to do that for the rest of her life. And I don't think any man really wants to be the recipient of that treatment either.
In my experience, when men don't initiate relationships, it's because they aren't interested. So by being "blunt" and chasing them around, we are pushing them to be a part of a relationship they don't necessarily want to be in, and then we all end up unhappy. So I think that in this particular context, "flipping the script" wouldn't do anyone any good.
some of the english was a little strange in this post... "On the other way?" lol, it's usually... on the other... hand?? not to make fun or anything, haha, I just found the wording a bit funny...
I think social conditioning accounts for, honestly, 99% of "gender" actions on the part of anyone. The other 1% controls just that little tiny bit of thing like which sex/s we're attracted to. I think a lot of women are learning to be a bit more forward, and I think it's great. Men can be just as shy/unsure of how you feel and if you leave it up to someone else to initiate, you might never connect because both of you were just too unsure. I'm a pretty reticient person but I've pushed myself when necessary to do the unexpected and be a forward woman; this resulted in a prom date (and consequent boyfriend) and one of my best friends (those are two different instances). Even if it doesn't end up a romantic relationship, it's worth it just to strike up conversation. No one will look at you funny for it; they'll just see you as being friendly. Always worth a shot.
this was super confusing to read.
the script is already flipped. fat/ugly/older women that don't get as much attention from the fellas learn to be more assertive or aggressive in the dating scene, from what i've noticed. attractive girls already have guys hitting them all the time -- the script works fine for them.
@Jane@LaBellaMorena- This is so true. Men LIKE to be pursuers, and a lot of women feel more loved when they are pursued rather than when they pursue. Sure it feels good to a guy when a woman pursues him and the women like it when a guy seems flattered with what she does... But... I know from personal experience in my past relationships that as soon as soon as I start pursuing, I'm okay for awhile, but then I start getting frustrated that the guy is being lazy, and then I start nagging him, and he starts appreciating me less, and then it all goes downhill from there. (I've never actually been the one to pursue, but once in relationships I'll do WAY too much, and I think it's the same concept).
Anyway, I think it's good to let the man be the pursuer. A woman can still let him know she likes him through glances, certain actions, and actually showing interest in what he has to say, but the guy should do the asking-out... No matter how old-fashioned it is, both genders are usually happier when the relationship works this way.
@nrb2233@xanga - @LaBellaMorena - I've always been kind of baffled that society teaches women to be pursued.
How it's always been for me is:
- Pretend to be the greatest guy for 15 minutes just to get her phone number... Men have to go through constant rejection just at square one!
- Doing all the calling, planning and paying for dates; on dates I have to go to her side of town, pick her up, do a bunch of useless activities, and then.... do it all over again the next time around.
I have to go through all of these burdens, JUST to find out *IF* I like her -- considering at this point she is still a stranger. And I'm doing this for someone who wouldn't do the same for me because of these societal norms -- simply because I'm male and she is female.
In my experiences, I've never enjoyed the pursuit nor did I "value the woman more" because she made me work for it. In fact, I lose patience with women that go in with the attitude of placing all these burdens on me. **Women who break the rules of what women should or should not do are definitely the keepers** I'd prefer to find someone -- who will meet me halfway like adults.
That being said, society is changing. It's becoming more and more common that women make the first move. I'm sure in a few centuries, these constructs of gender roles in "who is to be pursuing" will even out but alas not in my lifetime. Tradition is a stubborn holdover. Furthermore, if you look at the divorce rate of over 50% in America, you'd find out that "who does the pursuing" doesn't guarantee success of the relationship at all! Looking at a relationship as a "chase" is obviously filled with fallacies.
Pursuing a relationship requires a great deal of unnecessary anxieties simply because it is *one-sided*. I can't help but feel disdain for women.
@xXDC_luyouXx - Well I don't believe in complete one-sidedness or complete chasing. I don't like playing hard to get, and if someone asks me on a date and I'm interested, I'm going to say yes. If it's easier/more convenient for us to meet up somewhere rather than him drive across town to get me, I'll do that. Though I have to say I tend to fall harder for the guys who really put in some effort for me. I could never date someone who wasn't a traditional gentleman (hold open doors, etc). I've tried to get over my old-fashioned ideas, but I always lose interest in the guy.
I do love doing things for my SO, and after some time I'll pay for things and it will be more 50/50. But it has been MY experience that the relationships I've had that were the best were the ones where the guy put in more effort, at least at first. And the more pursuing I did, the less interested the guy was. This may just be the types of guys I'm attracted to, but unfortunately a lot of women are in the same boat. I WISH I could DO more without things all crumbling.
@xXDC_luyouXx - Meet halfway like adults - that's the way it should be if you ask me. Unless, of course, there are limitations (such as a lack of a car or money because of age) that force one person to go to the other. My boyfriend lives in the next town over, and since I'm the one with the car, I go to pick him up. Granted, once in awhile, I think it'd be nice if a guy did do all the stuff that society claims he ought to do...but every single date? That's just unfair if you ask me!
For the most part, in my experience men I know are usually turned off by a girl that's extremely forward. Hinting at it sure, but blatantly saying it isn't always a turn on. The guys I do know that like forward girls are usually more lazy or insecure. I'm not saying it should be this way, but that's what I've observed.
One thing I do admit that I like as an advantage is that us guys at least are more likely to end up with who we really want.
Women SHOULD realise that many of the guys who make the first move on you -- aren't guys you really want to be doing so. While you're waiting for the perfect guy to pursue you, someone else has taken that perfect guy already.
Just last year, I would go around and ask fat and ugly (sorry to use those terms) women who are also still single at around 35+ years of age. When I ask them why they are still single, they would reply similarly to "I just haven't found the right guy." Afterwards, I would ask them if they ever asked a guy out. Most would reply with something similar to "but that's the GUY'S job"
.
Even to this day, I'm sure many of them are STILL single while the last of their eggs are bleeding away. Even a fat and ugly man eventually finds someone (that meets his criteria) because he's willing to put himself out there.
Again, this why I have so much disdain towards women; especially, the women who don't really understand what guys go through to "get them".
@nrb2233@xanga - Keep in mind about using the "old-fashioned" statement, if you were TRULY old-fashioned you would be in the kitchen -- cleaning and cooking; barefoot pregnant and submissive. There was a time when women did not go to school and have any opportunities like today. And that's not what we really want, right? Let's not let the "old-fashioned" excuse be a double standard.
Imagine if a guy expected YOU to be "traditional". I'm not trying to criticise your preference of wanting a "old-fashioned gentlemen" but it would be hypocritical if you aren't old-fashioned yourself.
@xXDC_luyouXx - Hm, good point I suppose. I suppose saying I like chivalry is more accurate than saying I want everything old-fashioned, though I wouldn't mind being a stay-at-home mom. It just seems like nowadays it's not practical to live my life expecting to be married at a young age. My last SO was a good example of what I liked in regards to balance. He treated me like a lady on dates by doing things like holding open doors, but when it came to work, he actually wanted to be a stay at home dad, but right now he's in the military. Of course it's person-dependent, but believe me I do understand what you're saying. I'm in the military and most men that I would like (more chivalrous types) are not interested in dating someone else in the military as it's definitely not a typical woman's job.
Anyways, point is, I don't expect the man to do EVERYTHING, but on a date, and in regards to dating, it is refreshing to be treated like a woman and not a worker. I am all ready treated more like a man in my job. It's nice to feel a little more submissive and like a woman while I'm dating.
Why are women the pursued and men the pursuers? Because a man can potentially reproduce thousands of times, while a woman can potentially reproduce at the most 20-25 times. A woman's investment of time and resources per child is far greater than a man's needs to be. So, it is in a woman's best reproductive interest to look pretty and wait for men to pursue her so that she can choose the one which will be the best provider for her offspring.
It's evolutionary psychology, not social conditioning. That doesn't necessarily make it "right" or morally just, but it is how it is. And the media is that way as well because that's how we evolved in pre-agricultural times...
In the future, I fully expect to provide for myself, and I won't really feel good' satisfied unless I work to get things i want... I don't want / expect another person to provide things for me (i mean until i'm on my own)
Uhh.. I don't care about being 'pursued', but i won't actively pursue anyone... just the way i am..with most things really. I'm just not aggressive or decisive. And i probably wont get a lot of things that i want... it just sucks
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