Saturday, 03 July 2010
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Are You Into Me? : Decoding Mixed Messages
The most unattractive thing that a person can do is send someone mixed messages. In my life, I've encountered far too many people who falsely believe that mixed messages are sexy. Clarity and definition in intimate dating relationships have become out dated.
More people are sending mixed messages to one another. Fear of commitment has driven daters into communication oblivion. How can you tell if someone is into you? What exactly is a mixed message? If your sweetie is sending mixed messages, what does that mean?
It's far too easy to misinterpret signals that someone is sending you. It's far easier to avoid sending any signals at all. Text messages have no facial expressions or body language. Emails have no inotation or denotation in tone of voice. These internet and mobile connections make it impossible to truly assess what a person is thinking. You can be sure that someone who is truly interested will communicate with you more frequently via phone call and in person contact.
Someone that really wants to spend time with you will do so. S/he will make it a priority to spend quality time in your presence. Getting to know someone requires face to face contact. You can't truly be familiar with a person until you learn how s/he reacts to various circumstances. These interactions are unavailable via Facebook and text. The one who really wants to know you, will show up at your door on time for your scheduled meeting. S/he will be proactive in finding activities for you to do. Body language, the twinkle of an eye and the giddy laughter of your cutie reveal his or her feelings far better than anything else. Beware of the compulsive flirt whose giddiness can't be trusted though.
Mixed messages come in all shapes and sizes. Someone may be very friendly and cheerful in person; but, will avoid any of your emails or phone calls. S/he may insist that the two of you should get together and take your number; but, they never follow through on that suggestion. S/he may show up for the date and have a blast; but then, s/he'll leave you hanging as to why s/he just disappeared. Sending mixed messages is very provocative behavior. It can bring out the worst in someone who is receiving the conflicting signal.
A mixed message is sent for several reasons. Firstly, someone sends a mixed message when s/he isn't sure how to feel about a given situation. Or, s/he may not know how to handle a given situation with effective communication. In sum, mixed messages come from people who simply aren't sure. When someone sends me a mixed message, my first reaction is to become angry and write that person off completely. But, I've come to realize that mixed signals may not stem from a purely mean spirited place. More often, they stem from an insecure person who is unable to express themselves. It may be the case that the message sender is ambivalent as to what choice to make.
If you feel as if someone is sending you a mixed message, the best solution is to un-implicate yourself in the situation. Said individual needs to firmly assert his or her interest to you. Anything less is unacceptable. Let your sweetie figure our how s/he feels before they approach you. Otherwise, you'll become entangled in a push and pull relationship where you're constantly unsure. Besides, if you have to spend large amounts of time figuring out how a person feels, the relationship isn't likely worth your time. A mixed message sender is too consumed in themselves and their own uncertainties to be into you.
Have you sent or received mixed messages lately? How do you know when someone is really into you?
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- From: EBailey@revelife
- Name: Eryn-Ashlei
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Comments (15)
Dating is always a bit of a mindgame.
" I've come to realize that mixed signals may not stem from a purely mean spirited place. More often, they stem from an insecure person who is unable to express themselves. It may be the case that the message sender is ambivalent as to what choice to make."
Bingo!
Also... if you have had only one or two dates with a person, it is unlikely for them to be clear on their intentions given how both of you are still strangers. If you've known someone for a while and they are still giving you mixed messages, then... that's when you need to push them to decide on whatever insecurities they have.
this is sound advice.
if they show up on time, call when they say they're going to (excluding possible emergency or something), really just pay attention to what you're saying and what you want, etc...they're into you. if they're flaky and don't follow through..don't waste time on them.
"Someone may be very friendly and cheerful in person; but, will avoid any of your emails or phone calls."
I've done this before. This guy really liked me and he was a nice person but I didn't feel the same. He tried taking me out again and again and I wanted him to stop. Sure, when we were face to face, we were all laughs and smiles but....I was hoping he would get the idea when I never answered his texts or phonecalls. I wasn't doing it out of spite. I had to let this guy down as easily as I could and frankly, this was it. It's hard to turn someone down especially when you think that person deserves good things-- but not necessarily you.
I agree with the first commentor. I do send out mixed signale to play the effin' "game." As much as i hate it and want to be straight foward, it seems to be what girls respond to, with me at least.
Yes. I did receive mixed signals from someone and it did break my heart.
yes i have been receiving these a lot lately, but i finally found out what his thoughts were. you cant always go by how much a person is nice to you. i have to learn that. i hate when ppl try to play games
with your heart..
If I get a mixed message, I walk away. I dont have the time nor the heart for games.
i get mixed signals from my boyfriend all the time..
he used to be so cute & say sweet things to me,
and now that we're dating we hardly talk
he says its cause his dad is making him work and stuff
(his dad is strict).. but he cant text me and tell me he'll txt me later?
naw, he waits for me to text first..
i dont want to break up
but i dont know how he feels...
don't know if you are male or female.
You are over-simplifying mixed messages to the point where...you just don't get the point. Some people are linear (left-brained) in their thought processes...most of them are men (except for the uber creative artsy right-brained men which are a minority).
People who are right-brained, creative, non-linear...like most women (yeah, I'm in Dc where we have a ton of left-brained women but they are still a minority).
What does this mean...sometimes people (especially right brained ones) aren't subconsciously sure about how into you they are yet. So, mixed signals...but you can still wind up dating them as they get to know you better. Or, they like you..but are shy or don't want to seem like over eager, too interested, easy, etc, so they give mixed signals. So, she likes you, and you can tell when you are talking to her...but she won't give you her #, or she brings friends into the (private) conversation, or her blody language closes, or she runs out of things to say. Mixed signals? Sure? Can things still turn out ok, sure.
Lastly, some people's seduction style is based on giving mixed signals. it isn't conscious. it is just who they are. Look up "Hot and Cold Coquette" in the Art of Seduction by Robert Green. It is a common seduction style in women, although some (very few) men have it.
Oh, there is always the possibility (especially with men) that the mixed signals are because they just arent that into you.
Bottom line....if the mixed signals bother you...move on to the next boy or girl. They aren't being intentionally mean, but they are not for you. I'm not a fan of Hot and Cold (or even cold) coquettes myself.
-Cuisine
yeah, I think when mixed messages exist, often it's just cause the guy/girl themselves don't know what they want.
like, when someone acts like they're dating you but then they are reluctant to officially date you... maybe it's cause they want you but not enough. or.... if i knew the answer to that, i'd be a lot less confused.
lol i send out mixed messages, but that would be solved if people were more straight forward
i like to ask questions its the difference between wasted time and being able to move onto the next one
People who send mixed messages MAY be doing it innocently, truly not knowing what they want, fair enough. But I do know what I want, someone who doesn't send mixed messages.
My last boyfriend was a mixed message master. Turns out he was also juggling three women at once. Maybe I should have sympathy for him, poor confused man, what with his linear brain and all. I hear, over a year later that the poor guy is STILL confused (bless his heart). I am NOT confused about not wanting to go there again.
I'd rather be lonely outside of a relationship than inside one. Same result, but way less drama and heart break.
I currently feel like I'm receiving mixed messages. But in all honesty I think this young lady really doesn't know what she wants to do yet, I feel strongly enough about her that I want to make it so she does know what she wants (me hopefully). Dealing with mixed signals also has a lot to do with not only how they really feel but how you feel about the other person.
A big part of this that is being missed in what I'm reading is whether or not you really care for the other person enough to battle through the mixed messages or to just move on. You've got tough decisions to make too, not just the other person.
People who are self-centered tend to crave lots of attention. They send mixed messages to get people's interest and keep them on a string. There's a deep hole of insecure loneliness inside them because they can't commit special feelings for one person. They try to fill it up with other people's admiration for them. They crave talking about their interests and want to impress you. But they don't really don't desire connection. They tell themselves that they are looking for the perfect person and so sending mixed signals is only part of the natural "elimination process". They take what they like and walk away.
They are emotional vampires.