Thursday, 01 July 2010
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When First Choice Suddenly Looks More Like Second
I’ve been dating someone, lets call him C, for three months, and it’s been great – we have so much fun together, the sex is brilliant and he really respects me and likes me for who I am. Everything was perfect, until he introduced me to his best friend, who we’ll call R. From the beginning of my relationship with C, I’ve always had one small doubt; he’s not that ‘hot’. He’s good looking, but he doesn’t have that ZING that I want. I liked him despite it so I decided to give it a go and date him, and it seemed to work out really well. However, when I saw R, I felt something that I never felt with C. My heart beat sped up and there was a distinct tingling in the southern regions.
His friend is not only gorgeous, but he’s got such a fantastic personality. He’s really friendly and seems to like everybody, and everyone likes him. I’ve hugged him, danced with him, leaned on him after a night out, and every time it’s felt ten times better than it does with C. I know that nothing can happen with R, but the sheer attraction I feel when I see him makes me think that this could happen again, many, many times. I don’t intend on cheating, but I don’t trust myself. I’m not going break up with C just because of this, because I still like him and he likes me, but I’m being very wary now and it’s not fun!
The reason I wanted to post this is basically as a warning – I don’t regret dating C, but before you start to date someone, just think about whether they are really right for you – be honest with yourself about what you like, and look for THAT!
Have any of you ever felt this way about someone other than your SO? If so, how did you deal with it?
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About the Author
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- From: My_Immortal00x@xanga
- Name: Ciara
- About Me: If I could have any job, it would be one of three things: -An Actress -A Writer -A Psychotherapist So I'm currently persuing all three - Member of an Am Dram society, doing Psychology at uni, and am writing a novel. The novel is on my Xanga, so have a read and tell me what you think! :)
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Comments (21)
uhm yeah. kind of a lot. the main guy who comes to mind is an old coworker of mine... i'm still half in love with him even though i haven't seen him in months...
Actually, my story about that is a little odd. I was dating a guy, and when I went home for break, I hung out with my ex- my first boyfriend. And I felt all tingly in the nether regions, etc etc. Because I didn't want to cheat on my current boyfriend, I kept my distance and asked him to leave earlier than I normally would have. So, I guess that's the best advice I can give- don't put yourself in a situation you wouldn't want to happen.
"Liking" him may not be enough. Even though your relationship is young, and it may be too soon to love him, you should know by now whether or not you could ever love him. If you don't get that super-excited butterfly feeling with him, and you never did, it may be time to move on. You can't stay just because it's comfortable and he's sweet. Do both of you a favor and see if you can find someone who does do that for you. You both deserve that.
If your eyes are already straying, I don't think you're being very fair to yourself or the other guy. I think you should ask yourself why you are in a relationship to begin with because simply "liking" someone isn't enough to make it last.
I dated my ex for almost four years. I did think other people were cute, but never to that point.
It’s amazing!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is a black
man, lol. We met online at an interracial dating site_________ **** B l
a c k W h i t e C u p i d (C o m) ***** ______—a nice and free place
for singles- black & white, to interact with each other. Maybe you
wanna check out or- tell your friends. ;) ;)
If C doesn't have that "zing" that you're looking for and R does, then you should pursue it.
If you want to be with someone you love, then go for it. If you're just looking to date someone, anyone, then stay with C.
Im in a similar position. I think the
zinghas faded. But it's been so long I don't want to either throw it away, or make a mistake that I'll regret. Stuff is COMPLICATED!!!
This happened to me, it just made me realize that I'm just not really into who I was dating. This took a few weeks to figure out, I'm a smart girl. I just broke up with him and let it go. Not much harm done.
I understand you. I know that's happened to me before, just in reverse. I actually liked a guy and he introduced me to his friend and I dated his friend because my friend, the one I liked, didn't want anything serious with me or anyone. I remained friends with him, JUST friends, but I dated his friend just out of sheer frustration that he wouldn't date me. It was wrong of me, I know. In the end, me and the friend stayed just friends and I ended up breaking it off with his friend because I met someone that I fell for.
I think you will probably meet someone else that makes your heart melt and you'll be fine. It doesn't seem like the constellations have it set up for you and R to hook up at this present time......perhaps sometime in the future when both you and C have both long forgotten each other, you will bump into R and you'll be able to start something then. Just don't think that because the grass seems greener on the other side, that it really is that way.
Good luck!
Damn it, get out of my head.
C is proly a CHRIS
and R is forrrr RYAN... miright or miright? : D
i've come to realize that "liking him" just isn't enough. therefore, i'm totally going to go after hot friend. ohhh yeahhh.
When you've been dating someone a while, a hot, fun guy can make you have all these crazy thoughts. It's a normal part of being human. But you also have to call it for what it is and don't be tempted to end a great relationship over it.
@x__RainOnHerParade@xanga - Exactly...
I guess there's always going to be wondering, but R is never going to touch you now.
I think this is a huge warning sign in your relationship with this other guy. Your mind should not be straying this far away from him and obviously the fact that you can have stronger feelings and emotions coming from another person means that you are not all that attracted or happy with the person you picked. You may just want to think about this is logical terms, instead of just settling, 'cause I guarentee you if it continues going on... you both won't be happy. You should save yourself and this poor boy the hassle. It's not fair to him to have a relationship with someone who isn't totally in it like he is. He can probably find someone who will love him ten times more, and get the feelings that he IS the one right off the bat, and he deserves that, just as much as you do. I hope that you do the right thing.
Certainly. I was in the process of getting into a relationship with someone when I was introduced to an acquaintance of his. Both guys weren't super close friends, but certainly orbited in the same circle. I was attending an orchestra performance when I met this new guy, and he played wonderfully. Fortunately or unfortunately, he didn't notice me that day.
Fast forward a couple years, after the original guy and I broke up--- new guy and I crossed paths again. Now we have been in a fabulous relationship for almost 2 years.
Basically--- to deal with this: either decide to break up with SO or just avoid contact with the new guy. I avoided contact.
phewww, luckily i stack my guys at the same starting point and they know nothing about each other.... you should let the first guy off now before you try to get involved with the second guy.. or the second guy prolly wont like you as much as the first guy
In a different extent, yes. I mean, I've second guessed guys I've sort of dated because I wasn't attracted to them, and it turns out they couldn't do anything for me. Call me shallow if you will, but attraction is really important. You need that "whoosh" feeling, as someone else on here put it :D