Wednesday, 30 June 2010
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Can You Make A List of 20 Secrets?
Last semester I was talking to my Interpersonal Communications professor about our "Full Disclosure" chapter. It was talking about how we all keep secrets, especially from the people we love the most. I was a little skeptical. I mean, aside from the "I forgot to brush my teeth this morning" type of secrets I was pretty sure I had been totally honest with my boyfriend.
So she challenged me to come up with 20 secrets of medium to large importance that I had kept from people I cared about. I decided that I'd narrow it down to just my boyfriend in hopes that I could prove her wrong. But, the thing was, I kept thinking of new things that I hadn't told him...That were, well, pretty important to our relationship.
So, do you keep secrets from your SO? Are they deal-breakers or no big deal?
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- From: WiredInspired@xanga
- Name: T
- About Me: I'm a college student with plenty of opinions and the use of a computer. Dangerous.
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Comments (32)
I don't keep shit from people cause I'd be pissed if they kept shit from me.
I keep a lot of things to myself. If it affects someone else, and they'd be better off knowing, then I'll spill. If not, well, some things are best left unsaid. If asked, I'll always tell the truth, but sometimes it's just not worth it to tell someone EVERYTHING.
so were these things you hadnt told him or you just hadnt talked about yet, cuz i am sure i have plenty of things people dont know about me but if they came up or with time they would be said, i dont think of them as secrets just things people dont know about me yet, I think of a secret as something your not telling him to purposefully lie to him
He doesn't know that his receding hairline drives me bonkers. It's almost a deal-breaker (shallow as that may sound, I can't help what bugs me), but I'll never tell him. I'll also never tell him how many people I've slept with. Like llunachick said, some things are better left unsaid.
As for 20 secrets...doubtful; we've just started dating. If we're talking about 20 secrets in general...that's possible. But thinking of them requires brain-power I just don't have today..
I don't think I can. I sat here for ten minutes trying.
Yeah, I have secrets. I'm a fairly private person.
I'm sure I have at least 20, but maybe not all from the same people. My parents don't know what religion I am or my sexual orientation (both are pretty major things about me, I'd say), but they know things about me that my close friends don't. It's all about how people would react, I think.
Nah.
I don't really have secrets, but I do have a few key things I don't want to come up in conversation (but were I asked directly, I'd answer truthfully). Of those, there are perhaps two or three things, only one of which is something that I feel is currently a major deal at all, and that one doesn't have to do with our relationship as much as it does with me personally.
Yeah, his past bothers me, but at the same time I'm grateful that he has shared some of the details. I love him, and he has changed a lot from his past, so I can't really hold it against him. I just don't like some of the things he did when he was young. He didn't even have to tell me though, but he did, which shows good character.
I also don't want him to know that I'm a terribly suspicious person. He has never given me a reason not to trust him, and I do for the most part but I still get suspicious and jealous for no reason a lot of times. I also have so many meaningless questions I wish I could ask him about his past, but at the same time fear that the answers would change my feelings for him. Is it better to know the truth, or practice the whole "ignorance is bliss" thing? The answers would be things about his past which shouldnt even MATTER. But with me, the past matters because it affects my feelings.
For example, when I found out he was not a virgin it broke my heart because it's something I place a very high value on.. and realistically these days, I should have expected that would never happen. I also struggled when I found out he experimented with different drugs years ago, and I worry about if it'll happen in the future if I marry him. Just dumb little things like that make me question my feelings when I find out. I get over it, but it takes time. I'm old-fashioned, and a little bit unrealistic at times I admit. He is a Christian now and the past is very irrelevant. He has changed a lot in the past year or two, so I remind myself of that constantly.. it helps a little.
In spite of my big mouth, I keep a lot of secrets from everyone.
I don't have any dealbreaker secrets. Little secrets, maybe.
I have no secrets.... he basically knows everything. For me, keeping secrets is like lying....
My husband knows all of my important secrets. I am an open book to him and he is gradually learning its ok to tell me his secrets. When we first considered dating we decided it would be best to just come out with all the horrible things we had done and help each other through any lingering past decisions that haunted us. We are a stronger couple because we are still helping each other get over our pasts and move together towards the future. Somedays we still have some trouble dealing with what happened in our lives before we got together but knowing that we have each other to help us deal makes it so much easier to move a step forward.
i have like 2 thats it
@WordsandThoughts@xanga - Took the words right out of my brain.
Would your relationship still be interesting if you already knew absolutely everything about each other? I doubt it. Secrets are how we stay individuals. They don't have to be terrible secrets, but little things are fine.
I don't know that I could come up with a total of 20 secrets I've kept from the people closest to me, let alone just my boyfriend. I think both of us have a few things we don't share, but they'll come out if it's important. (Here's one we didn't tell each other for a while: we both wet the bed as kids up until almost middle school. If we have children, they're doomed...)
@tavatava@xanga - same
i don't think i could come up with 20 things i've kept from my boyfriend...family? yes. because they aren't my parents, and because i know they'd just be mad but i'm going to do what i want anyway so why start drama?
i don't like lying or keeping secrets (unless it's my family, for the aforementioned reason) especially from my boyfriend. he knows how many people i've slept with, my history with this guy or that guy that's still around, my opinions on stuff etc. i can't think of anything at all that i haven't told him that actually matters at all.
I always keep some stuff to myself. I'm pretty open in general with the exception of a few touchy areas. Besides, some things just aren't important or relevant to a relationship. Most of my secretes are personal ones.
Information and knowledge is ammunition, stock up.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - exactly.
"Honey, do these pants make me look fat...?"
I just have one big one but that's it :/ ? I can't think of 20!
I'm pretty sure I could easily come up with 20 secrets that I've kept from my boyfriend/friends/family, probably more, that's why I have Xanga. :)
Yeah, I have plenty of secrets from my SO. None of them are pertinent to our relationship, though.