Monday, 28 June 2010
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True Life: I Was Dumped
Hi everyone -- I'm new to Xanga, and this will be my first post. I've been wanting to set up a Xanga account for quite some time; now I have finally done so.
I suppose one of the reasons that I've taken the initiative to make an account is because of what has recently happened in my life: my girlfriend broke up with me.
Before meeting her, I was very lonely. I wanted to find someone who would be caring, kind, and good-hearted. After searching for a long time, I finally found her -- or, I guess you could say, we found each other.
We were together for well over a year; there were highs and lows, of course. Now, as I do a lot of reflecting, I wonder if I caused the break up? I'll probably never have a definitive answer.
My ex-girlfriend is talking to a new guy now -- a guy whom she met just weeks before breaking up with me. I am very humble and shy, so when I think that this guy is "subpar," I feel jealous. Of course, I don't want to feel jealous, but I'm accepting the fact that I do. And, not only do I feel jealous, I feel scorned.
My ex-girlfriend is hanging out with this guy daily, and although they're not dating, I suspect that a relationship is imminent. This guy has atrocious acne, is overweight, and seems to be a jerk. I know my horns of jealousy are showing. People may tell me that he may have a better personality than I; and they may be right. I simply don't know.
I feel like my ex-girlfriend didn't take the time to fully understand me. I'm not complex by any means. But in order for relationships to work, I think, people must be willing to put forth a lot of effort.
She's out with this guy as I'm typing this; I feel sad, angry, and bitter with myself and her.
I guess I'd like to know how to move on? I'm very caring, friendly, and intelligent. I just hope that I find someone soon.
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About the Author
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- From: stillinanotherlife@xanga
- Name: stillinanotherlife
- About Me: I'm friendly, driven, and perceptive. I hope to make new friends on Xanga!
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Comments (43)
Cut all forms of contact.
Find someone new.
View yourself as better than her next.
You look back on the relationship with no regrets. See stuff in the view that "whatever happened, happened for a reason".
Youll be over her in less than a month. Guaranteed.
Good luck, you sound like a good person.
Her choices, her consequences. All you can do is determine the path in your own life.
What I suggest to you is that you take this time to recover, learn and discover who you really are and what you really want out of a relationship. I know it sounds cheesy but it's important to have a relationship with yourself before you can really give yourself to another person. What kinds of things do you want to be able to give in a relationship? Think of how a good woman should be treated, will you be able to treat her that way? A relationship is selfless, a relationship requires that you give 50% to it.
Break-ups can be extremely difficult and I've had my fair share. It can be very hard to get over someone especially when they so quickly move on. To me, it seems that she is not worthy of your time and attention, if she started seeing this person before you two broke up. I don't know either of you or the situation or the details behind the break-up so I am speaking only from my personal experience and the similarities I see.
Rage For Love
What I suggest you do is let your balls drop and stop whining like a little bitch. So she dumped you. Oh fucking well, man. It happens. Move on.
I am man, and I have spoken on this issue.
@Revolutionary22@xanga - Don't be an ass. I suggest you keep your words to yourself if you aren't going to support him.
It's normal to be jealous. It'll happen. Don't take this the wrong way but your ex girlfriend seems like someone who didn't really give a shit about you, and she sounds like someone who only cares about attention. That's just what I think though.
You can do so much better. Just cut all contact. Take time to live YOUR life. Live for you right now, not for anyone else, and you'll be fine.
it's definitely normal to be jealous, but being as you really cared about this girl, it's going to take some time to move on. Like the first person said, the best thing to do is cut all forms of contact though I know it's hard. Give yourself some time, find some things you like to do and go out and do it to get your mind focused on something else. Don't go looking for someone else so soon, you won't find them...you find the best people when you aren't out searching =)
@Dustin_wind@xanga - I was supporting him. I'm supporting his transition from whiny bitchness to manhood.
@Revolutionary22@xanga - You could be a little less condescending about it. Calling him a whiny bitch won't help him see your motives.
@Dustin_wind@xanga - But he is being a whiny bitch.
@Revolutionary22@xanga - That doesn't give you the right to call him one.
I got dumped back in april. i know the feeling
your going to have both good days and bad. but you need to remember how much of an amazing person you are, regardless of how a break up feels. Id be hypocritical to say, cut off all contact...but it does help.
going out and meeting new people definitely helps. making a whole new group of friends, "dating yourself".
its so easy to fall for someone after you go through a breakup, and then get disappointed because they aren't interested in a real relationship.
take the time and date yourself. its not that bad:)
live. laugh and have a good time.
Here is what I suggest. I'm not a shrink. I'm not a "professional dater" (nice word for slut). I just give good advice. Hope this helps and you're happier sooner!
What you need to do is unplug EVERYTHING. Your cell phone, your computer, your television.. everything. There are SO many things that can remind you of that ex electronically, not to mention in daily activities.
With all that free time there is time to reflect, absorb all the impact, and move on. You might take a little while to actually say you're okay without her. But it's all good.
You have the right to mourn. You even have a right to be jealous (it's just an ugly characteristic, not going to lie). People don't just get in a relationship and out of it without any damage. I'm sure she's just as hurt as you are. Take her feelings into account, and when you decided who's the bad guy, then you can be angry.
I read this book and it said breaking up is a lot like the stages of actually losing someone by death. 1. Denial. 2. Anger. 3. Bargaining. 4. Depression. and 5. Acceptance.
Just whatever you do, don't text her constantly. When it's over, it's over. And there isn't anything you can say to get her back. It sucks, but it's reality. And, well, that sucks too.
The only thing I have left to say is... Good luck!
I'll tell you what helps me get over break-ups:
1. Alcohol (apply only 2-3 times :p). Nothing motivates you to get out of a rut like shame, lol.
2. Friends. Having someone to vent to really helps. It helps you realize everything that is bringing you down so you can at least have someplace to start from. And it's good to know that someone has your back.
3. Hobbies/work. Keep busy. Sometimes, the pain is too fresh to deal with so it's better to distract yourself until you can deal with it. There are two ways people deal with grief: they can either ruminate over it or distract themselves. Studies have shown that those who distract themselves are less likely to become depressed.
4. Get away. Take a vacation. Hang out at new places. Make new friends. Nothing helps like distance. It hurts to separate yourself from the other person, but once that initial pain is over, it gets so much easier. It's much better than slowly torturing yourself and trying to stay in their lives somehow.
5. Find someone else. This might not work for everyone, but it works very well for me. It's basically how I've gotten over every one of my exes :/ I suppose it's another mechanism I use to distract myself with ^^
Hope this helps?Good luck!
Stop focusing on him. It doesn't matter who he is or what they're doing right now. You issue is with her leaving you. Any attention you give to him is only hurting yourself. He could be anyone. Instead of wasting your energy on feeling bitter, focus on bettering yourself. Not for her sake, but for yours. Pick up a new hobby. Anything.
The sun will still shine, I promise.
It does, actually.
I've never been dumped before, but my bf went through a harsh break up with his ex of almost four years.
The thing you have to do is try and not think about it too much. Focus on studies, focus on family, focus on friends...do anything to push those feelings aside. My bf is also very quiet, nice, and intelligent. Even though it's been six months since they've been separated and five months since we've been together he is still hurt by her. I'm just doing what I can to help.
Just remember that it takes time to heal wounds but don't put yourself down. You will find a girl who will understand you just like what you hoped for with your ex. Chin up and remember to keep being yourself :)
@Revolutionary22@xanga - Well, that was certainly classy.
Cut her out of your life. It's best not to dwell on her or her new relationships. Focus more on surrounding yourself amongst your friends and people who'll make you feel better. Pick up a new hobby or go out and meet new girls instead of moping around about her. And no Facebook lurking (no matter how fun it is)!
hmmm I guess you should just try not talk to her. that's really hard, seing as you still have feelings for her. When you have another girlfriend, be sure she isn't some one you searched for ^^ (I'm asuminng that's what happened according to your description) just let it fall into place :)
We all have our hearts broken at some point. Lower your expectations, but keep your hopes up. This is a world of beautiful women. Not all of them are good people, but enough are that if you wait patiently, good things will happen.
You are angry hurt and bitter, but at the end said you hope to find someone new soon. If you do, you'll most likely encounter a rebound. You will have a wall around your heart and most likely won't give the proper attention to the new relationship. You have to spend some time alone to reflect on yourself, understand what happened, find answers and come to terms with the whole experience before you find someone new.
@imyourstargirl@xanga - I'm not about class. I'm about truth.
Oh man. You sound like me after my first break up back in high school. Which is not good. I'm assuming you're decently young, maybe not even in college yet or still an underclassman.
If you don't like his wording, that's fine, but @Revolutionary22@xanga has the right idea. You just need to do whatever thinking you feel you need to do, and then move on. And by "on" I mean onto another pair of boobs. Nothing makes you forget about old ones like a new pair.
Frankly dude, there are so many fucking girls you're going to meet in your life, though I would say that you also follow my path and you need to quit being so shy. I got over that right quick after coming to college and I can't say I've had any problem meeting women since. Plus, if you're what you say you are, you won't have any problems either.
Don't do/read/watch/see/think about anything that reminds you of her. Go out with friends. Do things that you like to do. The important thing is to keep living your life, and stop wondering what went wrong. She obviously wasn't the one for you, so go enjoy your life. There will always be other girlfriends who come along, so don't waste your time on someone who doesn't want you the way you want her.
@Revolutionary22@xanga - Some appreciate truth. I sure do, but an opinion isn't truth, its just what you think he is. I don't think he's whiny, I think he's being raw with his feelings and I personally appreciate him sharing it so others can relate, reflect, and/or learn. But I also appreciate your opinion because it shows me how others [you] think of the matter.
@JinnLedet@xanga - I agree(: take a lil time, then move one. You will be way better off once you do(: