Sunday, 27 June 2010
-
Datingish Advice: My Mom is Cheating On My Dad
Someone is in need of Datingish's Advice:
My parents have been married for twenty odd years. One month ago, she made a new “friend” and ever since, meets him on a nightly basis for trysts. The question remains, do I tell my dad or keep this information to myself? What would you do in my shoes?
Share your advice here!
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: anonymish
- About Me: This post was submitted by a Datingish reader who wanted to remain anonymous. You can submit your own anonymous post at www.datingish.com/submit-post - just make sure you let us know you wouldn't like to have your username displayed!
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 227 Views: 0 543096 Comments: 0 13046 View all posts by anonymish
Comments (27)
TELL YOUR DAD!!!!
I had the same thing. I told dad. If your parents knew your partner was cheating on you, wouldnt you want them to tell you?
Your dad is going to be hurt, do you want to know that you lied to him too?
And you may be scared it will be your fault if you tell, but honey, there is obviously problems already. Do the right thing for your dad. Im sure your dad wont mention that you told, they wont hate you. You will be doing the right thing and they can only be happy that they brought you up to do the honorable thing.
Good luck. Email me if you need help or want to talk ok?
My step mum cheated on my dad with a woman and then 2 years later with a man (last year).
So I know whats happening next. xoxox
I would tell my mom that she needs to sit down and talk about it with my dad or else I will. You need to encourage her to talk about it with your dad and talk about the issues within their marriage between the two of them. I also think that you need to express to your mom your opinion on the subject and tell her how wrong being unfaithful to your father is.
you should talk with your mom first, then decide if you want to tell your dad or not
I think you should confront your mother about the situation first, and then tell your dad. If you know about your mom's unfaithful ways, chances are others do too. It wouldn't be fair to your dad to be the last person to find out.
No. tell your father and then consider if you want to tell your mother. he should confront her. Not you. telling your mother may cause more issues.
besides, you can always use it against your father. if you tell your mother the information is then useless. =P
DON'T Talk to your mom! Go straight to Dad, or else she'll try to come up with excuses.. or do something to stop you.. seriously.
I say talk to your mom first and insist for her to talk to your dad about it, because this is for her to tell him, not you. if she refuses to, that's where it might be appropriate for you to step in.
I agree with those who say to tell your father.
You know it ain't right, and you know you'd want someone to tell you the truth if you were being 'dogged' by a boyfriend or spouse.
Be on the side of the truth; that's your dad's side in this case. Your mom may be pissed when she finds out... so be it; don't be afraid. Look her in the eye and tell her it ain't right. If she says to mind your business, tell her this is your business; she's betraying her family.
Be strong and do what's right.
I would definitely talk to my mom first. Firstly, there's the slight 0.00001% chance that it isn't what it seems, and if I go straight to dad...well, you're going to cause a lot of damage even if it was indeed something harmless. =/
Secondly, I think before you go to dad and essentially make your accusations, your mom has a right to know what you plan to do AND make her defenses, if that's what she feels. It doesn't mean she can STOP you from telling dad unless you LET her. After, you can proceed and do whatever you want. But you know that once you tell, chances are the parents will get into a huge fight or worse, whereas if you confront your mom first, at least she knows you're onto her and maybe she will break it off, if she prioritizes her family, and husband of course, first.
my 2 cents = )
Uh its your family. GO STRAIGHT TO YOUR DAD
I would probably go straight to my dad, if I was completely sure. If I had any doubt what so ever though, I'd either look into it more, or talk to my mom. Maybe talking to her will help her come to face with things that she's been avoiding? I'm not saying what she's doing is right, by any means. But it probably goes deeper than just a random fling.
Tell your dad. For everyone's sake. He deserves to know, and keeping it inside will tear you up. Have you tried talking to your mom about it? If you could convince her to come clean (and tell her you'll tell if she doesn't) that would be best, it'd be better for him to hear it from her, but it would also hurt him more possibly if he finds out and finds out you knew and didn't say anything.
I'm sorry this is happening to you/your family. My parents both cheated on each other and a lot of it happened where I was young enough that I didn't realize it until I was older. Even if your parents aren't meant to be together, you don't want them to hurt each other like that.
I agree with the other people who are saying to go straight to your dad.
Go to your dad.
talk to mom first. let her do the talking. there's a chance your dad knows about it already. even if he doesn't, though, what will your snitching accomplish? he might explode. this is something that could and most likely will end their marriage. but more importantly, it's none of your business.
I say go to your father first. Your mother will try to talk you out of it and lie and make excuses of what she's doing. So, tell your father. BUT, only after you have positive, undeniable proof.
@mercurialmusic@xanga - How is it none of her/his business? It's her/his family too!!! They brought him/her into this world and into their family, that makes everything that revolves around that family his/her business.
If you're postive that your mother is cheating on your dad with someone else, I think it would be best to confront your dad first. Your mom might try to make up excuses o-o.
Definitely tell dad. Don't let this drag as this will eat you up. It's hard, I know...but it has to be done. Better sooner than later. This will give your parents a chance to solve the problem sooner than later. My mom cheated on my dad once, but I was like 5 years old. I had no idea what was going on. I only remembered being taken along on the dates and witnessing my mom kissing another man. You can bet I was damn confused. But eventually, the cat was out of the bag and everything was solved. And I'm glad everything has been good for over a decade now.
talk to your mom first.. same thing happened to me, but it's not your relationship to interfere with, even if they are your parents. your dad might even know already and choose not to do anything about it.
Tell your mom that she's got three options: 1. Tell your dad 2. Let YOU tell your dad or 3. Stop seeing this other man.
If she stops seeing him, no harm no foul. I'd hate to say it, but what your dad doesn't know isn't going to hurt him (assuming she has not caught anything from person #2 and she stops seeing him entirely.) If your mother is still committed to the relationship, all telling your dad is going to do is hurt him. It's not going to make anything better, except maybe she'll feel relieved that she's not keeping it from him, but then again, the guilt should be her punishment.
I have never personally been in this situation before but I can see how hard and confusing it must be. From an outsider looking in and not really knowing the details of the situation (which I do not need to know), I would say talk to your mom first and tell her that she really needs to talk to your dad about what is going on and see if they can resolve whatever is going on in their marriage, if she refuses to talk to your father about it, then I suggest you gently break it to your father. Listen to what your gut instincts tell you to do, they are almost always right. But do not keep it to yourself. Your father has the right to know. If your boyfriend/husband was cheating on you and your friends or parents knew about it but no one said anything to you, wouldn't you be upset and wouldn't you want them to tell you? It is a sticky situation, and not a fun one, I'm sorry you have to go through that.
Justice For Love
I think just tell your dad that you think something fishy is going on, and have him figure it out with your mom himself. You don't really want to get in the middle but I don't think you should do nothing either.
I had this problem. My dad cheated on my mom and I didn't know whether to tell my mom or not.. It sucks, knowing that if you say anything, you will feel like you're the reason why your parents break up or the reason why their relationship goes downhill. You will feel like every argument they have is your fault, that if you didn't say anything none of this would happen..
But later on you realize that the relationship was damaged to begin with, and not everything was your fault. You are not to blame for your parent's adultery. You did not break their vows, one of them did. And you were only trying to do the right thing.
You won't realize this til years later, after your cheating parent has yelled at you and made you feel like shit for "snitching". After he has blamed you for ruining their marriage, because "what kind of daughter would want their parents to not be together?" You won't realize this until after all the fighting stops, and one of them thanks you and tells you you did the right thing.
Don't misjudge your mom though like I did my dad. For a while I put all the blame on him because he cheated, and none on my mom. But I neglected to see the fact that my mom stopped showing him love for a long time, and even though that's not a good excuse for one to cheat, it helps explain why. It takes two to make a relationship work...
Good luck and be strong.
Talk to your mom first and tell her you know whats going on. See what she says, and tell her that you feel morally obligated to tell your dad (if you do, I guess) and you don't like keeping this from him.She may come clean herself if she's worried you'll tell first.
I say you should deff. tell your dad. A similar situation happened with my mother it was just my father who was cheating on her. Werll he cheater on her with 1 woman and then a second one and my mother was in the process of divorcing him already so about 1 month after they got divorced my father started seeing the second wonam in the poen and they are happily married now and have been for 3 yrs. But I so wish I told my mother because I feel really guilty now, but I'm afraid if I tell her niw she'll get mad at me for not telling her before...So...I say deff. tell your dad right away.