I'm reminded of the words from a Russian Minister who came to my church: "To figure out how my body works, you can open me up, take and examine everything inside me and put them in jars. But in the end, it's not me anymore. I won't be alive." He was talking about how people try to dissect God, instead of taking Him as He is. I think people also do that with Love.
We spend so much time trying to figure out why we feel the way we feel about a certain person instead of simply enjoying the feelings.
We start questioning ourselves when we didn't feel butterflies that one time while talking to that special person or when we realize that getting our crush's attention was too easy. Raise your hands if you ever asked the question, "How do I know if he's/she's the ONE?" or "How do I know when I'm in love?"
Maybe the reason things turn sour in some relationships is because people try to dissect the things that are just meant to be felt, not understood.
Have you ever found that you do too much thinking and not enough feeling? How many times have a simple thought spun out-of-control for you?
True
Comments (17)
This is actually a supremely relevant article for me right now. I've been in a relationship, an amazing one, with my girlfriend for 8 months. We never really had any problems until I over-thought some weird feelings I had for about a week.
We had been fine for the previous 8 months by just taking a super-relaxed approach to our relationship. We didn't question the severity of the relationship, where it was going, what was going to happen when. We just went with it and dealt with things as they came. It really is the way to go. Just relax and stop over-thinking your relationship. Use that brain energy for pondering the expanse of the universe or something. Actually, don't. I've tried that too. My head almost exploded.
At the beginning of my relationship I couldn't wrap my head about why I liked this guy so much, then it turned into questions like "Do I love him? How can I tell? Should I tell him? Do I REALLY love him?"... I finally gave up on questions like that, luckily I didn't spend too much time thinking about them.
My ex dissected our relationship too much and he forced me to do the same thing. He liked to ask the question "Why do you like me?" It was a hard question to answer because I didn't know what he wanted me to say. My first response would always be "I just do" but that was never good enough for him. So I began dissecting my feelings for him, hoping that the next time he asked the question I would be prepared with a very good answer but the words never came. I liked him. That's it. It led to problems and then a breakup. I wish he had laid off his insecurities.
@CrossYourHeart21@xanga - I know a lot of people that ask that kind of question, and I never know how to answer it! Glad to know I'm not the only one using "I just do" as an answer.
On the other hand though, I over analyze pretty much everything. I've got problems with thinking about things too much, whether it's relationships, school, work, or money. I always tried to figure out everything. I recently realized that when it comes to love, you can't do that. You do just have to feel. You'll consume yourself with the questions if you try to hard to find the answers.
Just enjoy what you have for the time being..don't worry about it, that's why I say that. That's why it should be fine. Don't over analyze anything, just take it for what it is. Enjoy the sunshine while you have it =)
@ibrittney@xanga - Yeah, after a while it gets to the point where you ask him, "Is there a reason I shouldn't like you?" Boy, did that open a can of worms!
Good post. We both have our over-intellectual times, and our over-emotional ones. It takes a balance, and you just hang in there and help the other person out as much as you can. It'll pass.
@CrossYourHeart21@xanga - I bet it did. Did you ever ask him "Why do you like me?" A lot of people don't have answers either, so then it's easier to explain why you can't answer. Haha. And if they do have an answer, then you've found out good qualities about yourself! (:
My boyfriend and I both over-analyze everything. He says he loves me and that there's no question about it. Unfortunately, I sometimes ponder both mine and his feelings, but I realize that it really is simple. Just love and enjoy it.
I agree
fuck love... hahah just play your game... thats exactly what they gonna do.... thats what its about.... ahha
Yeah I did this way too much in my last relationship and it's a big part of why it ended. My family and friends told me I just needed to relax and stop overthinking things. Actually, even my ex told me I was overthinking things. Maybe in the next relationship I can get it right.
@CrossYourHeart21@xanga - I think I did kind of like your ex... I never asked him why he liked me, but I did question him a lot. And it got to the point where we weren't comfortable anymore and HE started questioning where the relationship was going. It just went downhill from there.
Aww. I totally agree that picking something apart too much can destroy it. You really have got to know where to stop. Overanalyzing can plant unfounded insecurity where there was only confidence before. It can suck the life out of a relationship. I think this is just as true in our relationship with God as it is in our romantic relationships.
It can be fun to ponder and think to a certain extent as long as you aren't subtly attacking your relationship. My husband and I tend to analyze things just about the same amount and it doesn't bother us. That's something I always liked about him- we could talk about relationships and their dynamics, or throw in the occasional bizarre question, even a "Why do you love me?" without shaking anything up or making something awkward. We both know what we can handle, though. :) Talking about our relationship helps us strengthen it and learn how to love each other better, but I don't think that this is the kind of analyzing the post is talking about. "How do I know I'm in love?" is a perfect example of a question that, as you said, simply needs to be felt rather than overthought.
@CrossYourHeart21@xanga - I'm guilty of doing that. I mean, I hate asking that question, and I know I really shouldn't. It's just that for me, I'd just like to know what seperates me from all those other girls he's met you know? On top of that, I just want him to be sure he really wants to be with me. Insecure? Probably. But if I kept it bottled in and never asked..... I don't know. =P But you're right.... dissecting things just doesn't help. There's just those random days when those kinds of questions just hit me and then I ask him.
*Raises hand*
I needed this.
I sometimes think there's something wrong with me when I don't feel "butterflies" or "emotions"....That caused me and my (now ex) bf to break up =/ I took the rest for granted and now he's gone.
(Literally.)
I won't make that mistake again.
Too much feeling can fuck ye' up too.