I'm not the type of person to go around and tell my current boyfriend that I hate my ex-boyfriend(s). I don't like to hold grudges with my ex's either. It didn't work out for a reason so leave it at that. I mean yes there are some reasons you could absolutely hate your ex like if he/she cheated or murdered someone (very unlikely). But you can only hate someone for so long that it gets tiring. Don't you ever get tired of hating someone?
Of course there is a story behind this post. So I have a friend which we will call J and she has...actually she had a boyfriend (they broke up a couple of days ago) and we will call him C. C was in a three or four year relationship with this girl who we will call L. C & L were in like the 8th grade when they got together and broke up their four months before their Senior year of High School was over. J & C got together 3 months later....too soon. L cheated on C with one of his friends which was a bad move on her part. However, my friend J was cheated on by her boyfriend who we will call V. V cheated on J with J's good friend, which was a bad move on him. J tried it out for another mother with V but it just didn't work out and they stayed friends.
C however hates L with all of his heart. He really hates her. He hates her so much that he passes by her house and screams that he hates her and hopes she dies or something. He has done this in front of J a million times and he tells her he hates L with all of his heart and that she's a bitch and a whore. So a year and a month later J broke up with C (which was actually 3 days ago). One of the main reasons she broke up with him was because he was crazy and had a lot of hatred towards his ex that it just ruined everything. It just shows that he's immature and that he wasn't ready to end his last relationship and that C & J jumped into their relationship.
Bad mouthing an ex is appropriate for a certain amount of time. You can hate your ex for a certain amount of time. But like I said before, it gets so tiring hating someone. And everyone gets tired of hearing someone say "Man I hate my ex. They did everything wrong. blah blah blah." Sometimes people go overboard too.
So fellow Datingish readers, after this long story do you think it's wrong to bad mouth your ex in front of your current SO? Is it even a good reason to break up with someone (I think it is)? What does it mean when someone is bad mouthing their ex like there is no tomorrow?
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Comments (15)
Absolutely. It shows that you're not over them, obviously. Just let the past be the past!
My current SO badmouths my ex too, so it's okay.
My ex cheated on me, lied to me, tried desperately to convince me that I was so hideous another man would never want me, ditched me for his friends regularly, doesn't take care of our daughter, and after we broke up he became abusive towards me.
We're not the kind of people to walk around saying we "fucking hate him" and things like that, but when people ask what happened we tell the whole truth. No one ever has anything good to say about him either.
I give my current SO rights to talk shit about him too, because my ex beat me pretty bad once when he found out about my current SO. If I was a guy I'd probably hate any other guy that beat up my girlfriend too.
I think if the ex is bad enough and you're forced to still be in constant contact with them, talking shit is perfectly fine.
I don't think it really matters one way or another. I don't bitch about mine, but my girlfriend bitches about hers. It's not because she isn't "over" them, it's because she honestly feels like she wasted a good chunk of her high school life dating them.
Sounds like C isn't really over it at all, and can't deal with it. I think, when he hooked up with your friend, he was really just trying to get back at his ex and make her jealous. So your friend has no business being in that relationship, or even being around him, because he is just trying to use her to get back at his ex. I'm
gladshe broke up with him.
I was in a bit of an abusive relationship. I couldn't get over the effect he caused on me mentally, but I was over him way before we broke up. Talking about him, and what went on, is what helped me get over the stuff that happened to me.
Lol no offense, but I got so confused with all the Cs and Ls and Js and completely lost you before you even finished the story. My fault, though =P
Ugh. Too confusing. TJ;DR.
In many mature relationships, it should be okay to talk about your exes with your current interest, after the initial dating phase is over, at least. It's good to air out the laundry and talk about worries and possible underlying issues you may have because of exes, just so everyone is on the same page.
Constantly talking about them can't be fun, though.
I got lost in the onslaught of initials. What happened again?
It takes like, no effort to hate someone. It's just a feeling towards someone...
I've hated a couple of people for years, still do. But it's not like they are always on my mind, so I disagree with the whole "hating someone gets tiring" BS.
But I do agree that it's stupid to bad mouth an ex in front of your current SO, at least if you do it a lot, it's kinda bad. It also depends on why the person is hating so much on their ex/
I'm pretty sure I will always think that my ex is a bad person. I don't expend any energy by myself cursing him, but if someone asks about him, I just tell them that he wasn't the best person during our relationship, he was abusive and manipulative sometimes, and that he and I had an extremely unhealthy relationship.
I think badmouthing your ex in front of your current SO is okay as long as you're not preoccupied with it. I don't bring up my ex with current SOs unless they bring him up, and this is because I don't feel the need to rant about him everyday because I'm pretty much over him, even if I still think he's a bad person.
I hate some of my exes, but I would never badmouth them in front of my new SO, that's why you have girl-friends, to bad mouth your ex.
I think it depends on the relationship. Personally, I think if it's a mature relationship, you should be able to talk about anything together. I have an ex that left me with a child; my next boyfriend understood why I needed to talk shit about him. He knew that it was better for me to talk to him about it, and let the feelings out to him versus yelling at my child's father or blowing up in front of my daughter.
But then again, it also depends on why the ex is hated as well. I mean, if it's something like just being broke up with and it still bothers you that they left, you probably don't need to be in a relationship. However, the relationship contained abuse, or being left with a child, then that's something that your new SO needs to know about anyways.
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everytime we talked i was always hurt by him so our conversation would be me crying.. oneday he said to me.. god damn annie. im so fucken tired ofhearing u cry. y dont u cheat on me n maybe i will realize ur pain...
we hade a distant relationship i was switched to 3 different schools in 2 years cuz my parents didnt like him. his race, attitude, everything bout him my parebts didnt like. i continued with him to prove that i dont need n e ones approval. our 3rd year together i finally felt the need of making friends at the school ive been at for almost a year. i made friends with a guy who walked me to class n helped me with advise. i often hug him but never kissed or hold hands. my cousin had a friend who went to the same school told my ex that i was seeing someone. he called me n cried like a bitch. threaten me to never talk to him or hell come to my schol n shoot his head. i told him go ahead but hell have to shoot me first its only ok for him to be around girls but i cant even have a friend. he broke up with me that night n showed up at my school with a gun.
three days later he asked me to get back with him. i said no because i dont need a guy who breaks me into peices, rather trust someone else, n threatens me. we became friends n after 3mo he told me if i dont date hin hes going to ask some girl at school out. i let him.
oneday he came over n took all the gifts he once gave me. i told him i was dating that friend of mine n i dont want him calling me everyday now cuz he has his gf n i dont want my current bf thinkibg we r in a relationship still. a week later he posted nude photos of me all over his school n gave my number out. had rumors going around that i was laid by some gang. after all that time i thought everything ended.. he ruined my life. everyone looked at me dirty. talked crap about me n it was my bf who stood by me.
i dont hate my ex for facts that he cheated on me. everyone will get cheated on once or more in life. i hated him because eveb when i took him back as friend he went behind my back n took my pride away. i am ashamed of my past i regret e mailing him nude photos of myself. everyone does something dumb in their past n i will never do it again. he got intorouble by the cops for passing them but i will always hate him for it. hes never appoligized aboutit but even if he did, what can it do? can it erase that horrible memory...?
i married that very friend my bf after him. he loves me alot n he doesnt bring back those memory because he knows howmuch it hurted me. im totally over my ex. i hate him n never will be tired from hating him. he basicly robbed my past!
I don't hate people. Usually the events with my exes are so big I cannot keep it quiet. It just does not work. If I tried to do that I would explode and go insane.
If I was in a relationship right now, I would DEFINITELY be bad-mouthing my ex ... I probably wouldn't stop and he would probably get so tired of it. I can't help it. Everytime I see him .. strong feelings stir ...... mostly feelings of resentment .. some of longing. I can't help bad-mouthing him every time I see him .. to the nearest listener. I guess I am not completely over him as I thought I was ........