Wednesday, 23 June 2010
-
Normal or Weird: I Want To Hang Out With My Ex's Family
My ex-boyfriend and I were together for almost three and a half years. We started dating in high school, after being best friends for several years. I became very close to his family, especially with his grandmother, mother, and sister. This past Saturday was his little sister's senior prom, and she invited me over to help her get ready. I ended up spending the day with their family, helping her get ready and taking lots of pre-prom pictures. My ex was around for only about twenty minutes for a couple of quick pictures because he had to get to work. At one point, his mother told me to get in the picture of him and his sister because she wanted one of all three of kids...
After his sister left, I ended up staying at the house and hanging out with the whole family. His mother was talking about how she wanted a wedding and grandbabies and it made me really sad to think that I couldn't be the person to do that for her. I had so much fun spending time with them though and I don't think I could lose that. At the same time, I'm worried that I may end up hurting myself in the long run, or that it's just plain strange to do. My ex doesn't seem to really mind that much, and the two of us, after seven months, are finally on good terms. I still worry though...
Is it weird to hang out with the ex's family, especially when the ex isn't around? Just because you lost the boyfriend, do you still have to lose the family?
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: materialactress@xanga
- About Me: I'm just a tacky college student. I'm studying HDFS in order to be a relationships counselor, although my relationships could always use a little work. I'm obsessed wtih Star Wars and koala bears, and I'm very tall but, no, I do not play basketball or volleyball.
-
True
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 16 Views: 0 111383 Comments: 0 620 View all posts by materialactress@xanga
Comments (20)
Well since you knew his family for so long, it's really not weird that you still want to be close with them. I'm not sure if it'll be bad or good for you in the long run though. If your ex lives on his own and not with his parents, maybe it'll be plausible?
Could be weird if he came in and all of you were like "OHAI!"
But I know the feeling .Situational I suppose. I'm still friends with my ex's sister and it's been.....years.
i could relate, you really grow on a family once you've been around them for so long. i don't blame you, it's a bit of an awkward situation but it's perfectly normal too. i became close with my ex's mom and after we broke up i still gave her a valentine's day gift and thanked her for being better than my real mother was.
I still want to talk to my ex's parents. If I ever go back to Texas, I'd love to see them. They were always great to me and I still love them. They watched me grow up and it's hard to just up and stop wanting to have a relationship with people who you're close with that you've been close with for awhile!
I think it would only be strange if you had a current boyfriend, and continued remaining so close with your ex's family. But if you're single, I don't think it's that bad.
I guess it's good that my only serious previous boyfriend's mom hated my guts. Haaaaaha.
funny you say that because I still hang out with my las ex's family even though I am in a long term relationship now. His mother said the other night no need to act like a guest, i'm family now. Felt weird but nice. I wondered why I get treated like family...
That's a tough one.
From your perspective (& probably your ex's family's perspective), you don't want to lose this great relationship you have with his family. Yet, from your future boyfriend's perspective & your ex's future girlfriend's perspective, the situation will be quite awkward unfortunately.
Sorry you're stuck in this situation :(
@PseudoEuphoric@xanga - agreedd
depends on your ex and how close you are with the family :)
Idk my exes' families hate me because they were so protective of their sons and wanted me to end up with them for forever.
scary
I miss my ex-boyfriends' family so much! Apparently, not that they showed it much, but they all loved me. I got on really well with his sisters' and his Dad. His Mum didn't appear to be so keen but apparently she thought we were going to end up together forever. They viewed me as a part of the family, and I miss their dog and cats as well. My parents LOVED my ex-boyfriend, he was viewed as the future son-in-law, and they miss him. He misses them too, I'm sure.
I don't think his family are very fond of me anymore, because they blame me for the break up. He says his parents are okay with me but his sisters aren't because they're very protective over him.
If I could, I would still hang out with them, even if it was weird or awkward. I'd just explain it to my ex, and make sure he was okay with it. Sadly, I'll probably never see them again. Breakups suck :(.
My mum's family still talk to my dad, but my parents were married for 25 years.
Maybe you need to back off when he gets a new gf.
Throughout high school I dated the same guy on and off and my youngest brother got very attached to him. It was always really hard when we broke up because he still wanted him around but he would refuse to have contact with him (he was kind of an A-hole to begin with). So it can be hard on the family to lose the person sometimes. Also some families fall in love with every girl a guy dates just because they want grandbabies. My exes mom was always so nice to me and said how wonderful I was, she even kept me as a baby sitter when we weren't together. Then come to find out she said horrible things about me to any other girl he dated and said how wonderful they were. She did say bad things about me that weren't true, which makes me wonder if he made them up or she did. Personally I don't think I could ever truly be friends with an exes family, it's just to weird for me & I wonder too much about the psychological ramifications.
@wideopenskies@xanga - Ditto.
As I recall, I think the OP does have a bf in the military.
@jeezshoua@xanga - A "sort of" bf but we're not exclusive or labelled or anything... it's all just very confusing haha.
I think it's weird but I completely know what you mean because I love my ex's family too :(. In reality, sadly, it's one of those awkward/forbidden scenarios. I guess it depends on the circumstances though.
I was with M for 3 years and got closer to his parents than my own (I only see my parents once every few years because they're aboard and I saw M's parents at least twice a week). After we broke up, it was so hard to let go of his family. I spent last Christmas with him and his family and it was really fun, but after I left it was the saddest thing. And the whole thing was disasterous because I was kind of seeing some other guy at that time (we were not in a committed relationship but I knew he had expectations of me). I made it a horrible Christmas for him and I still feel so bad even now...
@materialactress@xanga - It's either he is or he's not. It's simple.
It's bad because it will ultimately prevent you from fully moving on, because you're still trying to hold on to him in some way.
You must cut all ties.
I grew really close with my ex's family as well, I was the first Chinese girl he ever dated that had a similar family background and spoke the same language as them. His mom and dad were a lot more lenient towards me than they were with any of his other girlfriends (such as going out late, staying over, etc) but then we had a really bad break up and ended up on very very bad terms. I ran into his mom at a local beauty pageant that they held and we talked for like 40 minutes, she started telling me how she missed me around their house and to please keep in touch with my ex (guess he didn't tell her all the gruesome details to our breakup). I was kind of a breath of fresh air for her since she is in a family with all boys.
I ask myself if it's normal to hang out with his family, especially since we are on such bad terms but his mom and dad were like my second parents. I keep telling myself that it's normal and that I could have a professional/personal relationship but I still feel like I'd be invading my ex's privacy. My boyfriend has no problem with me being friends with my ex's parents but I know my ex and his new girlfriend will have a big issue with it.
It's seriously a doozy for me.
But I think if you and your ex are on good terms and everyones ok with you hanging out with the family then you should take full advantage of that!
so my best friend used to date my brother. They had a very hairy break up & my brother has a new girlfriend. Only problem is, his ex is still my best friend so she's over a lot. He had a problem with it until we basically said she doesn't have a problem, why should he unless he's not over her? Now he says he's alright with it. Point is, i don't think there's a rule to how it works out & i think as long as they don't mind having you around then go for it. You can still be friends.
Hey I'll give you some advice on this .... break off the relaionship while you still can... He is going to be bringing over Girlfriends ect... are you ready to deal with that... and If you have a boyfriend and bring him over acward... belive me i know I was married and fell in love with the family... I had to get a divorce because of marital unfaithfulness on his part... The family was there for me thru the Divorce and while i was singal for 8 years... it all changed in a blink of an eye when I got remarried..... They are more distant now than ever and yes lots of tears have been shed by me beacuse of it... so Cut it loose now while you can.... unless you plan on being with the Guy... dont fall in love with the family because it is his family....