Tuesday, 22 June 2010
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You're Coming Home! Why Am I So Scared?
I started dating this guy right before he left for Afghanistan this winter, and he even flew me down to Louisiana right before his deployment. We've been keeping in touch and, honestly, he's absolutely wonderful.
Last night I received a bulk text message from him stating that he'll be home on leave in less than two weeks. At first, I got really excited and every single bad thing that had happened that day disappeared. Then I got kind of nervous. We haven't seen each other in four and a half months, so I got a little paranoid that he won't like what he sees anymore (my hair is shorter, and I'm in recovery for an ED so I've put on a little weight). Then I came to my senses and was like, he has Facebook, he sees my pictures, and still talks to me. I can't help but be worried anyway.
I know I won't be his priority person to see, especially since he has his family and friends to think of first. So of course I'm worrying that I won't actually get to see him that much. And THEN of course there are the worries about when he leaves again and I won't see him for another six months. UGH.
So anyway... I really would like to try to put the nervousness aside and focus on the good, and I almost want to put together a little surprise for him.
Does anyone have any tips on how I can try to worry less about this? Has anyone ever been in a situation like this before? How did you deal with the worries and just focus on taking advantage of the limited time together? Are my fears completely ridiculous?
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- From: materialactress@xanga
- About Me: I'm just a tacky college student. I'm studying HDFS in order to be a relationships counselor, although my relationships could always use a little work. I'm obsessed wtih Star Wars and koala bears, and I'm very tall but, no, I do not play basketball or volleyball.
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Comments (16)
You kinda answer your own question. Focus on the time you guys will have with each other. Imagine the things you guys can do and spend time doing together. Look at the positive light of him coming home, him getting to see you and you getting to see him.
my best advice for you (i've been in this situation before) is, the moment you see him, go right up to him, give him your best smile, and at the very least a sincere hug. if the two of you are alone, plant your best i-miss-you kiss on him. why? he's probably just as nervous as you are.
you're worried that he hasn't seen you since your hair was shorter, since you started recovery, and over months of time. don't you think he might have similar concerns? maybe he's thinking that you'll react differently when you see that his looks have changed a little bit since he's been on deployment. maybe he's worrying about those same months that have gone by. you, however, are at the distinct advantage of being able to confront those concerns and then decide how you will cope and react.
when you see him, use the opportunity to talk about what's changed in your life and make him feel included. let him know that you still think about him and hope that he still thinks about you. take a camera along and snap pictures, and send his favorites back with him.
your fears are understandable, but try not to put too much pressure on yourself. have fun!
@Honey14 - Thank you! =] That definitely makes a lot of sense, and I keep forgetting that he probably is worrying too.
@laytexduckie@xanga - Very true, thanks!
He cares for you! I'm certain that he would rather see you put on some weight rather than be ill with an eating disorder.
You are completely, and undeniably beautiful. x
The bulk of your worries should be on his changes. Many veterans have told me that war deeply changes men. I'm unsure of his duty's over there in hell, but i know for a fact that if this is his first tour he will more than likely be changed.
Heh, I've been in the same situation and I really don't know what to tell you. You just have to reassure yourself. But it'll get better, you just gotta stick it out.
your fears aren't ridiculous, they're understandable! however, I guarantee you your shorter hair (which looks cute in your profile picture by the way!) or you gaining weight because you're getting over an eating disorder would make him like you any less - the anxiousness is normal, but those things aren't something you should be worried about at all!
things will be okay, you'll have a lot to catch up on and I'm sure he'll be just as happy to see you as you are to see him!
Well let me start by saying if thats your picture on the side, I think your cute. I've chopped all my hair off and miss it sometimes, so when I see girls that can pull off really short hair, I always am alittle jealous.
I don't know if I have any advice, but when I started taking to my fiance, we hadnt really met in person before. Our first date we met at a movie theater and I was so scared he wouldnt think I was cute, or wouldnt like something about me. In the end it all worked out.. So just keep reminding yourself, if he has seen recent pictures and still talks to you, and if he really likes you for who you are. not just what you look like, everything wil be fine.
Oh, to date a deployed man. Your fears are well founded.. verifiable would be a better term, but I agree totally with what Honey14 said. I've also been in this situation. After 11 days of being together, he left for Iraq and I didn't see him again for 8 months.
The first thing you have to remember is to
BREATHE!!!I worried about all sorts of stuff while he was gone, if he would get hurt, if he would come back at all, and if he was injured or killed, who would let me know? I was "just" his girlfriend. But a very good friend of mine gave me some advice that I attempted to follow:
Just show him the strong side of yourself that you know is there; if you got into this situation knowing the circumstances, then you're probably strong enough to deal with the consequences.(Just be careful with this, DON'T BOTTLE UP EMOTIONS - you need several good friends who never get sick of you talking, lol.)
It might be a good idea to be patient with him, after all, like you said he does have friends and family that are missing him as well. But I had a strange thought when I read that part of your blog. I thought to myself "If you're dating, you're one of his "top people." Of course, he will make time for you.Just remember the phrase "The hardest job in the Army is being an Army wife." (or girlfriend:)
I would know.. cuz I am one. ... and everyone loves a coming home party :)
I've got a sorta story like that. I started dating a guy while he was in Iraq (we started talking before he deployed but dated while he was gone) We'd never met, I knew him thru a kid who went to boot camp with him. When he came home a year later I was scared shitless about meeting him. But I got off the plane in Texas and ran into his arms like we'd known each other forever and like nothing was different. The happiest moment of my life thus far. And we're getting married :]
Good luck! Just don't stress yourself out! Breathe and don't worry. Just live for the moment when you guys reunite.
I hope everything goes well for you!<3
I am also dating military & I feel the EXACT same way when I see him after a long period of time (even if its only 2 or 3 months) ! Just think about how long he has been waiting to see you... none of those little things will matter to him at alllll after the time you've both been waiting. Just free your schedule so you can spend a bunch of quality time together without worrying about anyone else... All my guy wants to do when we're together is BE WITH EACH OTHER. Anything else is just details. Just be patient with him after deployment and show him some lovin :)
When I was dating my ex, I would get super nervous when he comes home for leave, too. I just focused on seeing and spending time with him because when he leaves, who knows how long I'll have to wait till I get to see him again.
Worry less and look forward to spending time with him! :)
Breathe :) Your gonna be fine. Its a nerve wracking thing but hes just gonna want to be home in a calm situation. Just walk up to him give him a hug and a smile and say hi. My husband will be home in about 10-11 weeks for his leave. I can't wait to just wrap my arms around him. Just stay calm and treat it like the situation it is. You haven't seen him in a long time so your both gonna be nervous but thats ok. Just make jokes and keep it simple. I've been an army wife for little under a year and honestly we have been seperated several times and each time I let him make the moves (by moves I mean conversation and anything past that) so I know he is comfortable. Just be yourself and good luck. :)
@Xx_evergreen_xX@xanga - "The hardest job in the Army is being an Army wife." (or girlfriend:)
Love this because it is sooo true.
I'm actually engaged now to the man I met a month before he went back to Afghanistan. He's not over there in the army anymore, he's over as a civilian contractor, but I understand why you might be worried. First of all, I'm wondering since you guys are still in regular contact, and he sent you a message letting you know he'll be home, then why wouldn't you be a priority to see? I'm sure you guys will get to spend some time together. If you want to pursue a relationship with him, don't be shy about what you might mean to him as well. He IS still talking to you, and he's obviously looking forward to seeing you when he comes home. You are a priority.
Don't worry. Just be yourself. With such little time, honesty is very important to any growth between the two of you. Enjoy the time you will have together, and refuel for the coming months he'll be gone. The most important thing is that you both feel comfortable with whatever happens at whatever pace is natural for you. And stay strong. Waiting can be hard, but it's as worth it as you make it, and it's most certainly not impossible. :)