Monday, 21 June 2010

• A Girl's Guide: How to Break Up With Class

  

  
  Breaking up is hard to do, but if you use common sense and remember these 10 helpful tips from Online Dating Magazine, you won't seem like a sadist or a jerk when you finally end it for good.
  
  1. Don't drag it out.
  So you've been thinking about ending it for a while now. The magic is gone, you're thinking about someone else, whatever. The worst thing you can do is keep pretending everything is OK, especially if this period lasts more than a few weeks. You guys will probably argue about petty things and if one person is still in love, they will desperately try to do anything to salvage the relationship, even though you know you will be moving on soon. This is cruel, even if you have the best intentions. You don't "owe them a few more weeks." It's best to just call it what it is.

  
  
  2. Be honest.
  Don't lie about why. Sure, you should phrase it delicately and not be harshly blunt, but be honest. It will hurt them, but lying will do a lot more harm. If you don't love them anymore, you have to tell them, or else they will think they still have a fighting chance. False hope won't allow them to move on.
  
  3. Don't overlap partners.
  Under no circumstances should you start seeing someone new before you break up. Not only is this cheating, but you look like a jerk asshole. Break it off first.
  
  4. Can we be friends?
  Don't be the person who goes "Oh, but you mean so much to me, I want to still be your best friend." Sure, maybe you do feel this way-- but your ex shouldn't have to feel pushed to stay close. They will probably need some time and space-- hanging out and going into friend mode might be too much for them to handle. If you two really do care for each other and the heart break fades, by all means, keep in contact and become good friends later on.
  
  5. Listen.
  Your SO will want to talk this out. They will ask questions, throw out possible fixes, and try hard to understand. You need to be kind and as helpful as possible, but remain firm if you know breaking up is for the best.
  
  6. Don't do it in a public place.
  There might be tears. Maybe you guys drove somewhere in the same car. Don't make this more awful tan it has to be. Do it somewhere where no one else can listen in or observe. Try to avoid an awkward car ride home, or abandoning the other person who will have to find their way home.
  
  7. Write down how you feel.
  ODM says to deliver a letter telling them why you want to break up, then talking about it in person afterward. I disagree. I think you should write out something for yourself, you have have all your thoughts collected in one place and you won't forget important points until after the deed is done. But seriously, I advocate breaking up face-to-face as the only way to do this right. No emails, no letters, no AIM, no Skype, no telling someone else to tell them. You owe them that much.
  
  8. Don't feel guilty.
  This isn't anyone's fault. These things happen. You shouldn't feel bad because you have moved on emotionally and you shouldn't try to make it work because you feel guilty.
  
  9. Don't pick a fight, no matter how heated things get.
  Keep your cool and don't bring up all the things that your SO does that annoys you and all the things they have ever done wrong. The past is the past and this approach is antagonistic. They will try to defend themselves and then bring up your dirty laundry; you will defend yourself and attack them back. It is a no-win situation. Stay calm remember this person cares about you, loves you, and this is hard for them to accept.
  
  10. Most importantly, leave as you would like to be left.
  Have you experienced a nasty breakup before? Did someone treat you badly while doing it? Remember the pain you went through and what you wish your ex had done to make the breakup more amicable-- use that past experience. Don't be impatient, don't be cruel.
  
  Was this helpful? Do you have any other breakup tips?
  
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