Saturday, 19 June 2010
-
Casual Sex -- Yay or Nay?
Yesterday I was hanging out with my friend Anna. Anna had been dating an emotionally abusive man named Nathaniel who I hated but about three months ago she (FINALLY!) dumped him. Anna told me that since dumping her boyfriend she has been having casual sex with her ex, Steve. Anna says it's just sex and nothing else but it's kind of weird.
First of all, he will not kiss her on the lips. It makes her feel like a prostitute. It's very weird to me that this is the case. He will kiss her anywhere else but not on the lips. He won't talk about it and will go days without responding to texts just to booty call her later. How weird is that?
Anyway, Anna and I were talking about it yesterday. I said, If it's so weird why do you keep doing it? She said, The thing is, Jan... I really need sex. I like sex and I need it. I need the intimacy. And he's good in bed, he's hot, and he's well-endowed. What more do I need? The only problem is his personality. I wish I could get more of the sex and less of his personality. I know I could get it from somewhere else but why? I know what I'm getting from him, and I don't have to put out for someone else.
This got me to thinking, of course. So later that day while hanging out with BB he kissed me and we began making out. I had been thinking of stopping him to ask him what we were doing but I decided not to. It was very sexy and very hot and even though I still have no idea what I want or where we stand I let it continue. Why not? Why can't I just have something casual with BB? Physically, everything with him is wonderful and as Anna said why get it from somewhere else? I have no idea what is going on with us. I'm still going on dates with other people. So why not just have sex with him? Satisfy my needs?
Maybe us single gals need that. Maybe we just need someone who's there to make us feel good and tell us we're beautiful. Someone who says things like "I couldn't wait to kiss you. I was looking at you all night and just wanted to feel you. To touch you. I always want to touch you." There is something to be said about having a man around to tell you that you turn him on. That you have an incredible body. That he thinks about it all the time. That you drive him crazy. If we have great friends and wonderful social lives why can't men just be sex partners? Biologically, women just want someone they view to be of quality. If we have that, is any form of emotional attachment necessary?
In the end I didn't go any further than making out with him. The fact of the matter is I couldn't just have sex with him. I am already so confused by him why add to that? I do not think I could ever separate my physical feelings for him from my emotional feelings for him. Whether I want to be or not I am emotionally attached to him. I'm gambling here but I have some collateral. It's an investment to me. I cannot just turn that into something casual. Not with him.
Have you ever had a casual relationship with someone? Was it with someone you had real feelings for? What happened?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: JanetDart@xanga
- About Me: I've always loved Sex and the City and with recent ridiculous developments in the lives of me and my dear, darling friends I decided it was most definitely time to start blogging. I hope you enjoy laughing at our lives as much as my friends and I do.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 22 Views: 0 37206 Comments: 0 891 View all posts by JanetDart@xanga
Comments (76)
I have. I think it worked out fine. We used to date but the feelings just weren't there anymore. This situation doesn't work for everybody though.
Right now, I am in a "casual relationship", I guess you could say. We dated, but it ended badly because when I am in a relationship, I feel completely suffocated and feel as though I have all these obligations I simply can't fulfill.
It is going well now. We aren't dating but we act like we are, and somehow, the lack of any proper title makes things so much easier.But all of that is just because I'm fucked up, sooo... p:uhhhh no thanks to casual sex. It has to mean something.
To be quite honest, I don't crave the intimacy. Nothing annoys me more than "casual intimacy". It feels like an oxymoron to me.
It depends on feelings. I say Yay or nay depends on the people and their feelings.
i don't think that i could do it, but i suppose if you're comfortable with it, then that's a pretty personal decision
i'm a big fan. not casual sex with strangers, but the scenario you mentioned above, yes. i mean, i'm all for dating and being exclusively intimate with someone you really care about, but if you don't have that in your life, i don't see why you shouldn't still be getting sex and attention. personally, i couldn't do without.
I don't do casual sex..but again it's a personal decision.
Yay!
I'm a fan of casual sex. There is nothing wrong with it, as long as you take the necessary precautions to make sure nothing is threatening to your health or your emotional well-being. That being said, casual sex is not for someone who can't get rid of emotional attachment to people easily.i'm a nay on this. i am into sex just for sex. it has to mean something more than pleasure for me. i'm not against people do who do it. more power to them. lol.
@ChristinaPlague@xanga - I liked this reply, because although I do not agree with casual sex, she could see exactly why someone might not want to [the emotional attachment thing].
Anyways, even so, I like my sex to be... FOR something. For love I guess? I dunno. Because I mean, I don't really... I mean, of course it's pleasurable [I dunno in what situation it wouldn't be], but I always want to have sex for the other person, and I like it to be caring and I don't even know. I guess I want it to mean something. Could I have sex with a friend? I dunno. All my attempts at casual sex have not been with friends, so after all is said and done it just happens and I always just feel like, "...why did I even do it?" Would I call it regret? No, I didn't do anything wrong,
The only reason I keep trying casual sex [I make it sound like I do it all the time, but considering I can count how many times I've had sex on my hands... :l] is because I WISH I could be like everyone else and just... do it. No strings attached, both sides have a good time and be like, "Later," and have it just be sex and not complicated and full of shit. Or I guess I would really like to just have someone be special to me so that we can have special sex. Sounds like an occasion you'd bring cake to. "Special sex cake!"
She said it makes her feel like a prostitute. How is that a good thing?
Definitely nay.
I've had casual hookups, and it didn't, yknow, harm me emotionally or physically. But it takes a certain type of person to be okay with it; you should *never* hook up with someone you want to date if you're not dating yet. 99% of the time it will lead to you pretending you don't have feelings when you do, and then you get hurt more. I think you and your friend are on to the right idea; women do have needs and satisfying those needs don't make you a "slut" or a "whore."
Absolutely nay. People think it doen't change or effect them in anyway. They're wrong. It is necessary to move away from lustful situations long enough to get a grip on your emotions and what they mean to you. Otherwise you'll end up rejecting everyone who comes close to falling in love with you emotionally while being so inclined to sleep with any hot pervert who acts like he cares.
ps that icon? I love it, lol
I am old fashioned.. so no.
Nay. There is nothing wrong with enjoy sex for itself and (if you so desire) having causal sexual encounters for satisfy your needs. But engaging in causal sex for the reasons you mentioned - as some sort of ego-validation effort - to me seems counter-productive. Sure - it is great to have someone who tells you they find you attractive, but - that isn't a reason to have casual sex with anyone. It always makes me nervous for girl friends when they start needing sexual attention from men to feel good about themselves.
nay, makes me feel used
just wear masks and role play :)
lmao I love sex, so yes to casual sex! As long as you know your partner and neither of you have any diseases, and there's no feelings involved, it's all good
only with jude law. I haven't met anyone that hot for me to change my usual nay against casual sex.
@Nevando@hardestlevel - hahaha can I tell you that special sex cake literally made me laugh out loud? See now I want to date someone long enough that we can make special sex cake. Thank you for that!
I don't believe in casual sex. Casual flirting, yes. but not casual sex. There are times I get tempted to, but I never do. But that's just me.
I'm still stuck on that.. -_-
I've had casual sex with friends that aren't my good friends and we're still friends. It's always there but its not awkward, just there.
my first time was a casual sex thing and i didnt know it. i had kinda liked her but she waited till i was drunk to have sex with me i never pushed or asked for it she just took me to the back room and we had sex. i thought it would be more than that but i was just another guy that gave her sex. i really dont know what to do now. since it was my first time i feel like i wont be enough when im sober. it hurts , you think you can just have someone in your bed and know it will be empty the next night when you reach over and there is no one there its an empty feeling inside. it took me months to get over it. i couldnt really function in relationships before but this just added a whole nother level of anxiety wondering if the next person is just gonna treat me as a casual screw for the night. even if it feels good for that night and that sex was awsome. its really better to go without. i dont see long term benifits to it