I, for one, am convinced: Beauty is NOT only skin-deep. People can be very attractive to others due solely to a charisma that is the result of a positive attitude towards oneself.
My belief in this was confirmed today, as I scrolled through good ole Perez Hilton's gossip column.
Under the heading:
"The Biggest Loser Contestant Speaks Out Against the Show! Claims it Gave Her an Eating Disorder!", Perez went into a detailed account of what Kai Hibbard (a finalist) claims went on behind closed doors in the show.
Kai claims that methods of weight loss that were forced upon contestants in the show were harsh and unforgiving, as well as being extremely dangerous by most dieticians' standards. Kai got into anorexic habits that she now cannot seem to drop as easily as she can drop daily pounds. And she is outraged - she feels she has lost something because of this show, and she would prefer to have all of her old weight back if it meant she could be rid of the body image issues she has now.
She says: "...the lighter I got during that TV show, the more I hated my body. And I tell you what - at 144 and at 262 and at 280 [pounds], I had never hated my body before...."
This got me thinking. I thought about how much this disorder must have taken over her life - enough for her to hire a lawyer that she can barely afford just to get some kind of revenge, for what was supposed to be a "good" thing. I thought about how ironic that is, that her dating life, and family life, and social - even work! - life must be going down the drain with all of her new psychological issues sucking up all of her time.
While trainers kept her going by saying things like "You want to date again?" and whatever else they say on that show for manipulative motivational purposes, the end result is a more "beautiful" girl who has less of a social life than she had going into the weight loss program. She would now TRADE - a powerful idea, when you think about it - her current appearance for her old confidence. She has had both, and realizes that one is much more valuable and useful than the other.
It's a shame how underrated this idea has become. Perhaps many of the wrong people are giving advice; I, for one, heard about the importance of attitude via 3rd-grade gym teachers that didn't like mine so much. The idea was sprung upon me a second time, later in life, by Ms. Paris Hilton - she was quoted in a magazine saying something along the lines of confidence being the most attractive quality a girl can possess (...it's definitely hard to take that seriously, coming from her).
I've batted the idea of one's attitude (or more specifically, confidence) being their most important feature back and forth for years. Let's put it strictly in the beauty context, where it arose most often in my own thoughts: Is it the most confident or the most beautiful girls that succeed in getting the spotlight most often?
To be honest - it's hard to tell. Generally, they're both; but then, don't confident people take good enough care of themselves to be unconditionally beautiful? Who is it that CONTINUES to be attractive for long periods of time - the "marathon runners" (as opposed to "sprinters") of the spotlight, if you will? I suppose it really is necessary to note that anyone can GET enough attention to get asked on a date, or to start up a relationship; who is it that keeps that attention, who keeps that relationship going?
It's the confident ones. They're unbeatable - male or female, insecure people are the quasimodos of the dating world, the ones who must go on a journey to find the missing piece of themselves before they join up with another. They are the serial daters, the players, the cheaters, the bitches, the sluts, the assholes, and ultimately, the loners. Confident people win. It's completely legitimate that Kai Hibbard feels robbed.
Right underneath Kai's article on Perez Hilton's website was the
"Quote of the Day." Amber Riley (GLEE star) is quoted saying: "I love my breasts, my face, my butt. I love myself." She will never be alone.
What do you all think - is confidence the real key to beauty? Any experiences that have helped to shape your perspectives on this question?
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Comments (10)
wow that is really horrible. im so glad she spoke out, people need to know what goes on on shows like that.
The biggestonly problem with this, is that once confidence is gone (and mine was gone by the time I was 4) it can never be restored, at least not fully. If only people actually realized this before destroying someone...I always knew there had to be something wrong with that show...
I actually just finished reading this interview thing with Jillian who was once overweight herself in high school, and she said she isnt a bitch. Just that nice things dont get the job done.
Personally, I think its ridiculous that questions like "do you want to date again?" are asked. Ive never heard that when I watched it, but I also dont watch the show religiously. so yea. And I can attest to the fact, Ive lost weight recently, I gained alot of confidence, I just loved this body so much more, I mean I didnt have a problem so much when I was bigger, I just realized the difference when I lost, I loved the womanly curves I was gaining. It was a boost to my ego so to speak. But I lost weight on my own accord, Ive always had people telling me (like my Mom) but I felt like that always had a negative impact. So I think people should lose weight to be healthier, and for them. I think that was the difference.
And two, my friend told me that about herself "Of course I love myself, if I dont who will?" and then another friend told me you gotta have confidence, because even on your worst hair/weight days, as long as you are confident, you can pull any look off. And people will be drawn to that. No one likes someone who is constantly complaining about this and that and victimizing themselves, its annoying. And I know it is. Im one of those people who would do it. And Ive had people do it to me. My new phrase is "stop bitching and start a revolution" I adopted it from this organization I run into on the streets in DC all the time, but I like the message, if you are not satisfied with something, do something to change it, be proactive about it instead of just complaining and wallowing in it.
just pointing out that Kai is ONE person, out of 9 seasons of the Biggest Loser, to have this problem. there are plenty of former contestants that are much better off after the fact, so i want to caution people from thinking that this is the norm. and the trainers NEVER use "do you want to date again?" as motivation! Bob and Jillian are brilliant, kind-hearted people and fantastic trainers ... saying something like that is completely against what they believe in. yeah, they can get tough, but they don't demean anyone. their whole shtick is about making the contestants see their own self worth, so tearing them down like that is completely counter-productive. (though Kai's trainer wasn't Bob or Jillian and was only on the show for two seasons, so who even knows what her tactics were.) basically, i'm taking Kai's complaints with a huge grain of salt. and i'm pretty sure she got married/had a kid recently, and then moved... so, just a guess, but there are other factors contributing to her unhappiness. the Biggest Loser is just something she can pin it to and try to get "revenge" on.
confidence is definitely a factor! You don't even have to like yourself to at least act like you're confident.
@iJUST_ATEabug@xanga - I agree. I've always thought The Biggest Loser is a very motivational program. My friend said that she would watch the show and work out at the same time. It helped her stay focused and moving. I do not believe Kai will succeed in suing the program for her eating disorder any more than people can sue fast food restaurants for making them fat.
I think overweight people are kidding themselves when they say they are perfectly okay with their image. You don't have to work for a six-pack or rock hard biceps but you don't have to be morbidly obese either. That's my opinion.
My mom is overweight, and watches this show like she's talking to Jesus or something. It's disgusting. I've always believed in confidence. I dunno why you have to be skinny to be confident. The girl from GLEE looks amazing, she's rockin that dress.
For years (okay. the three years) in middle school, I hated my self image. I was to skinny, I didn't have big enough boobs, and I have a birthmark right under my nose. I though I was hideous. Then one day, I looked in the mirror,and was like wow. I'm pretty. And told myself that I wasn't going to let anything bring me down. I even got a boyfriend. And I've been pretty confident from then on out.
Until I saw my senior pictures, which were hideous. I'm getting re-takes though. =p
one of few times when losing actually means youre winning... i mean she signed up for the show.. which means she could have quit at any time suing for money isnt going to make her feel any better
I think confidence is the key to beauty. I am working on having more confidence about my appearance. My boyfriend said he hates to hear me complain about things like my hair and other perceived flaws I think I have. He tells me I look good every day and notices how I believe him when he says that and don't complain so much about myself.
.. I think the reason why they lost confidence is becauese once you lost a lot of weight, it's hard to lose that much weight again ( since you don't have that much weight anymore!) so it seems like you're getting worse at losing weight. The truth is ( in my opinion) that they lost the weight too fast ( unhealthy), and thus cause problems. If they lost weight gradually, I think they would be more used to their body and have less issues mentally and more healthy.