Thursday, 17 June 2010
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We Want Pre-Nup!
Even though I'm (only) thirty, several of my friends have recently gone through divorces. Some of these marriages ended amicably while others were, how should we say, less-than-amicable. Although marriage is NOT not seemingly in my near future, I've often thought about "The Pre-nup." As a Christian, I have a specific outlook on marriage-one that does not involve a legal team. I'm sure that few, if any engaged couples ever imagine their marriages to end up in divorce, but divorce is a reality. 45-50% of first marriages in America end in divorce and that is our reality.
In the traditional culture that I've been raised in, men tend to make more than women but all of that is changing. These things taken together, with a growing cynicism regarding "lasting love," (that's a whole other story) considering a pre-nup seems more prudent than ever.
The fear is not in the consideration of obtaining a pre-nup but in having the conversation with the future husband/bride. Will he/she be totally taken aback and utterly disappointed at the thought? If my fiance were to bring up the topic, I'm pretty sure that would leave a bad taste in my mouth even though my mind tells me that it is a reasonable and rational discussion.
In one way, I should be grateful that I'll never make millions or come even close to it, but a part of me is curious as to what you independent ladies think about it. Is it really an issue of money or is it an issue of [dis]trust/cynicism/"reality?"
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- From: tarakim79@xanga
- Name: Tara
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Comments (19)
It would leave a bad taste in my mouth also if someone aked me for one but yea I'm gonna be a bit hypocritical here and say if I made an assload of money I would probably get one. Trust no one.
@iamjustamemory@xanga - I second that about having a lot of money and getting a pre-nup before being married.
Of course, but people marry for the wrong reasons so that's why the divorce rate is so big. I wouldn't like to get a pre-nup...=( because I don't have much anyhow.
@iamjustamemory@xanga - Agreed!
It wouldn't bother me since I wouldn't be marrying him for his money. Don't put it past the guy to do something really shady and try to take all your money when you get a divorce. Take care of yourself. If you don't, no one will.
I think its a more realistic approach to marriage. Here in Mexico theres no pre nups but you can get married by "separated goods": Whats yours its yours and whats mine its mine.
Doesn't matter what the issue is. Love is sacrificial. So, if the wealthier partner wants to have a pre-nup because of any of the aforementioned reasons, than why do you or any other Christian, have a problem with a pre-nup? Being willing to concede on that round allows you to demonstrate trust. Act with faith. You probably won't ever divorce. Unwillingness to sign a prenuptial agreement when marrying a wealthy man is like counting the days until divorce. I have firmly believed in prenuptial agreements since G-d was a child. I think men ought to give prenuptial agreements to women as well. When a marriage ends, many women find that their future is sabotaged because they did not work during marriage. They have no degree, skills, or resume. Nowadays, men also find themselves sh*t out of luck financially after a divorce. Many men are still too jealous to let their wives work or they find that they prefer to have a stay at home partner due to the convenience of it. Any way you slice it, prenuptial agreements protect all parties, including the children. Poor people should have prenuptial agreements. Fortunes change. Perhaps, you want to leave with what you came in with. Maybe you just don't want to lose any sentimental items, and never expect to make a million dollars selling vaccuum cleaner belts or inventing a new whatchyamacallit. Maybe, you want to be sure that if you assume the position, uh, I mean, take on the role of the stay at home wife for your possessive, wealthy fiance, he isn't able to sabotage your future in the event of a divorce.
yikes... pre-nups. thats a harder subject to broach than 'hey, have you been tested?'
but more and more people are getting them these days. i think its because the divorce rate is just so stinkin high. people are not as trusting.it seems like a pre-nup is just preparing you for a failed marriage and what not. if you loved each other for all the right reasons and such ... would you really be thinking about divorce ?
We never considered one. To be fair, we have absolutely no assets. But it just didn't make sense to us. We just said, if for whatever reason we divorce, let's split it all 50/50 and call it a day. We're just not vindictive or confrontational, so even if, God forbid, we do get divorced, I don't see it getting ugly.
@iamjustamemory@xanga - I concur <3
@princessremy@xanga - Both my bf and I come from divorced parents (actually both his parents are divorced twice) so we know first hand that a marriage may not be until dead do us apart. We love each other like no other couple we know but we are aware that marriages do fail sometimes.
I've already told my boyfriend that if we get married, he's signing a pre-nup. While I have a law degree, I'd like to become a prosecutor; prosecutors don't make TONS of money, and I have all my school loans to pay off. I don't think I'll make crazy amounts of money at any time in my life, but I'm drafting a pre-nup to protect myself and what I have worked for. Pre-nups aren't just about what happens if you get divorced, and I'm covering my, uh, assets.
Besides, law school already sucked the romance out of marriage for me, so a pre-nup just seems like a practical thing to have.
@ZepBlueEyedGirl@xanga - Does signing a pre-nup protect your future assets too? Like if you win a big case after you get married, can you protect that?
Gotta look out for yourself in this world.
What's better than not getting a pre-nup is NOT getting married at all. What people just simply do not understand is that you can live *your lives together without signing a piece of paper*.
The benefits of marriage are really nominal and most have workarounds like hospital visitation rights; one of the things you really might miss is the ~3% tax cut (or whatever depending on factors like tax bracket).
However, if you REALLY, REALLY must get married, sign a pre-nup. After a divorce, the person that you loved the most becomes *your worst enemy* by having to dispute over assets and child custody.
@princessremy@xanga - Be realistic. The person you love now may not be so in 10-15 years. Due to the increase in being in a freer society and deculturalisation of many countries, marriage is NOT sacred like what it once was.
Marriage is outdated and divorces have simply become a *higher form of a break-up*. Times have changed. You can't *afford* (drumroll) to be naive.
@radicalsounds@xanga - " let's split it all 50/50 and call it a day"
Keep it mind that the agreement is verbal and not on a piece of paper. So you can't ever guarantee that.
"God forbid, we do get divorced, I don't see it getting ugly. "
You don't know that for sure until it actually happens. A lot can change of the course of your marriage.
Personally, I don't believe in marriage. It seems unnecessary to me. Why do I need to tell the government I love someone? But I'm very nontraditional in how I think about these things. I don't want a big wedding because it seems like an unnecessary waste of money that could go to a better cause. And if a woman expects a diamond ring from me, there will have to be a long talk. Diamonds are the absolute worst thing to buy in this world, in my opinion. I couldn't buy one and not feel like I've compromised a large amount of my values.
@princessremy@xanga - I'll tell you why. Because people change. You may love each other now and know the other person very well, but they may not be the same person you fell in love with ten years from now. And that's not necessarily anyone's fault; people need to make necessary changes in their life (or changes they see as necessary). If I had married a girl 5 years ago, I'm sure I would be divorced by now, because I have changed a lot. And you also can't predict what will happen in a relationship. They are unpredictable.
@xXDC_luyouXx - I think I'd be more hurt than anything else. I'd be hurt because I'd like to assume the person I plan on marrying as some faith in the success of our relationship. And its not being naiive, or idealistic. If I get married at all, then I'll be positive that my marriage will work. There will be no "ifs" or "buts" or "whens". I'd rather just not get married at all than get married and get divorced.
I think its all in perception. In my opinion, marriage is still sacred because it means a lot more than "signing a piece of paper so we can live our lives together." Its true, people do change over the course of time, but that's part of the commitment you make when you agree to get married. The issue is not the concept of marriage itself or that its outdated. The issue is that people just don't care as much anymore. They don't realize the extent to which they're committing themselves and the weight of the commitment they're making.
It would make me feel extremely uncomfortable... I never considered it until now. I usually think of that happening with celebrities, haha.
@lil_fire_bella@xanga - I agree. :) I've always said that, exactly.
@disturbedkiller4u@xanga - thanks:) ahha its good to know there's at least one more sane person.