Today I started by researching celebrity sites, but upon typing the word "dating" into Google I was suddenly hounded by dating sites. All of them had different, catchy names and taglines, and boasted things like "Over 1,000,000 couples made" or "The most likely step towards marriage you can take."
Now, I've never used a dating site, but I know plenty of people slightly older than myself that have. Not only that, but I've heard of about 5 marriages occurring between someone I know in the first degree and their online-found SO. Marriages, I have come to understand, really are quite commonly the consequences of a person's registration on a dating site.
So when these sites started hounding me today, I couldn't resist checking them out.
This, of course, meant I had to sign up. So I did - on OkCupid.com.
I began exploring, to see how the whole thing works.
For those of you who have never been onto one of these sites, what it begins with is basically a compilation of your own dating resume - you are required to make a profile for the rest of the users on the site to see (with sections on this particular one including "My Self-Summary," "I'm really good at," "The first things people usually notice about me," "My favorite books, movies, music and food," "On a typical Friday night I am..." and "I'm looking for").
You upload a picture (or up to 3), and include some other random facts like your height, body type, birthday, religion, feelings on drugs and alcohol, education, zodiac sign, job, kids, pets, and language fluency.
Then you start searching! The site gives you a couple of suggestions for partners you might like, and you take it from there. You can "save favorites" and you have the opportunity to contact people whenever you like.
The whole thing is kind of....well, cool! You can present yourself exactly the way you want to, putting anything you consider important right out there on the table without having to talk your ass off about it at a bar somewhere.
Then you get to see someone else's full deck of cards without having to listen to them talk about it for too long first, only to realize there's some kind of dealbreaker in the mix (whatever that may be for you). You get to
start talking to someone when you
already know the basics about them - and you like those basics!
There's plenty of people out there (myself previously included) who just don't think online meet-ups are legitimate. But what's not legitimate about them? Sure, you can choose to embellish or eliminate particular information about yourself - but people do that anyway, when speaking to a new person face-to-face!
In fact, many psychological studies show that when you are not face-to-face with someone, you are much more likely to be fully honest about things. Hence our generational tendency to text and IM our drama instead of calling or - gasp - meet up to talk about it.
And then there's that argument about socialization - how we lose so much by typing our way through life instead of engaging in real interactions. While I agree that may be something important to consider in other aspects of our technological conversational tendency, I don't think that's something lost with online meet-ups. I mean, you
start online but you move onto real life interaction when the time is right. It's not like people are typing "I do."
Maybe virtual marriages will happen in the future (let's hope not), but as of right now I think online dating is simply fantastic. For people who are shy upon first meeting someone, or who have too much on their plate to take the bar-time gamble every night of the week, I think online dating sites are absolute lifesavers.
It doesn't surprise me that marriages are resulting from these places, where people can safely state who they are and browse around (unseen) to find a valid match. The Beatles' "All the Lonely People" seems a little less depressing as dating sites add a little flair to the dating world. Hey, maybe the love of my life will check out my new profile.
Do any of you have stories about online dating sites? Do you and/or many people you know use them?
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Comments (14)
i agree that you talk about yourself more without being face to face. sometimes you feel stupid after saying something out loud but when you are online. it doesn't matter, just move on to the next. whereas at the bar, you kind of stand there awkwardly.
i have met guys in both situations. online and at bars.
i think have met more friends i am able to talk feelings with online than at the bar. even if we didn't end up hooking up but having a friend to talk about certain things and seems to understand you is more of a gain than anything else.
i met my current bf on a dating site. its been over 1.5 years and its still going good. i understand you might meet weird strange people on there but its a matter of how you protect yourself. lots of red flags when they start to probe about your personal details. where you live etc. and talking sexual things that probably isn't the best for first conversations unless you are comfortable with it.
I love this post. I have an account on okcupid and have met a couple really awesome people, including my current boyfriend. Granted, not everyone on these sites have good intentions or are looking for the same things you are, so you gotta pick and choose who you talk to, take everything with a grain of salt, and just be careful. Ya know, common sense stuff. But it's a great alternative for meeting new people and is slowly but surely becoming more socially acceptable, less taboo.
I got msg by really old ladies and had at least two females want to meet me without even knowing me, after that I decided it wasnt for me. I would want to e-mail, chat online, or even talk on the phone before meeting in person.. maybe its just me
I met one guy who lied completely on his profile.. well, he just didn't tell the whole truth. We're only 20 and 21 but he is still legally married and has kids. We have mutual friends so after our first hangout I did my research and wasn't too impressed.
The second guy I met is a cool guy. So I'm not sure. It's not awful but I'd rather meet someone another way.
I found the love of my life through Match.com. I also found a bunch of weirdos, but I stuck it out and today's our one-year wedding anniversary. We've been together for almost 5 years. My grampa also met my step-grandma online, though not on a dating site. Still, there's something to the whole meeting-online-thing. I don't see why people have to have a problem with it.
But I'm also a little biased.;)
-Katie
I actually met my boyfriend from an online dating site via zoosk. And we are basically in love. He gets out of the Marines in May and then we are moving in together. :) I have never been a fan of online dating, but one day I figured I'd give it a shot to just meet someone people and three days later I met the man I hope to spend the rest of my life with.
I've dated a few girls off of dating sites but never really found a great, lasting connection on there. I think it's pretty hard to stand out from the pack.
I like eQpid, as it is a nice place, not like those with weirdos , plus it is not expensive.
I'm glad to read a positive opinion of online dating sites. I work with a wedding coordinator & help schedule weddings. I'm hearing more and more people met on (datingsite).com.
Heh, about the "virtual marriages" part. I know there are virtual marriages in some online games. I don't think they mean anything outside of the game (I hope!) but they're happening!
I'm glad that online dating is working for you--maybe we define "working" differently though. How long do you normally talk with someone before your first in person meet-up? It varies quite a bit for me.
@Cardinal626@xanga - Hahah well, I haven't met anyone online yet...so I can't answer that. It's a question I have too, but I'm guessing you just feel out the situation and go with your gut.
@FionaMay - Yeah, that's pretty much how you have to do it. But when you don't know the person, it's pretty hard to read them through e-mails. I always get the phone number first and chat over the phone a few times--hoping that if they're crazy they will interrupt our talks by yelling obscenities at someone in the background or arguing with the voices in their head.
@Cardinal626@xanga - I just worry that perhaps some of the world's most fabulous people would break up a phone conversation to yell obscenities at people...
@fiona@ireallylikefood - Oh, I am hoping for it. I don't know how many times I've wound up with millionaire professional chefs who are contortionists and passionate about yoga, mountain climbing and space exploration. Talk about boring. ;)