A guy friend of mine recently confessed to me that he's planning on a last hooray for his bachelor party before getting hitched. I told him I didn't want to know what he's planning and tried to stop myself from listening. But he just continued on, as if me plugging my ears weren't a hint enough.
He also thought I was being childish. I explained to him that I've met his future wife and
I'm not a priest hearing out his confession.
According to him, he gets a free pass and it's not considered cheating. I told him he's delusional and hope he has enough respect for the woman he's about to marry to not go through with it. But now that he's told me his master plan, I feel ill. I don't know if I can stomach watching them go down the aisle and promise all that fluff of marriage when I know he's gone off intentionally to stick it to another girl or a stripper.
I'm not a bro, but do follow the bro-code and support his stupid ass? I swear, he's so dumb I just wanna kick him.
So what to do now? Should I keep my mouth shut and turn a blind eye?
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Comments (79)
I think there's a difference between one last night of ogling/partying and blatant cheating. It sounds like the latter, and I'd talk to the girl about it if I felt I was close enough to her.
He wants to have sex with some random woman before they get married? They're still engaged, it's still cheating. You DO NOT get a "free pass." This is ridiculous.
yeah...it's a free pass to have a fun night...not to cheat....
hes not ready for marriage
hes behaving like a horny curious kid perhapsSheesh. If that's what he feels like doing, is he getting married for the right reasons? If he needs that kind of consolation before jumping the broom, should he even be getting married? I know it's sorta accepted in our culture, but it's terrible. No free passes, although I might give him the engagement ring back and tell him to go take all the free passes he wants and never call me again.
My husband, before we got married, was declining invitations from friends to go out for a "good time" and do crazy things with chicks. He was disgusted by the idea of doing anything sexual with anyone else, especially on the eve of something so sacred, and I think that is how it should be.
Tell the girl. If the guy wants a free pass, the girl should get a free pass, too. Who knows? Maybe she'd like to take advantage of it too. If he's not okay with his fiancee having a wild bachlorette party, then he should not be doing it either. If he is okay with that, then maybe he should rethink the whole marriage thing.
Ehhh...is it sleazy? Oh, yes, all day long! Is a good way to end up with both the bride and groom pissed off at you? Yup. And for what? What if he's just all talk? Actin' big infront of his friends so that they stop pointing out how "pussy whipped" he is for getting married in the first place? I dunno...I'd probably keep my mouth shut on this one.
-facepalm-
He...just...yeah, he doesn't understand marriage. -.-
ur friend there is living on another planet where theres no moral and respect. he better come back to earth before he walks down the aisle.
Epic fail. Someone shouldn't be getting married.
Poor girl. =\Please blab before she marries this asswipe . . . you'll save the "happy couple" from the cost of divorce, and save money on wedding gifts.
@CrossYourHeart21@xanga - AGREED!
If he still has the desire to do that, then he is NOT ready or mature enough for marriage. To see that girl marry an asshole not knowing what he's done would break my heart. She deserves somebody who is ready to give her their all, and does not cheat on her before the wedding. A bachelor party is not a pass to cheat. It's a celebration of your last night unmarried.. but don't forget.. it doesn't make you SINGLE. I believe she deserves to know. If my boyfriend did that to me and I found out, I would NOT marry him. Her knowing the difference could mean her not regretting her decision for the rest of her life, simply because somebody turns a blind eye and doesn't tell her what she deserves to know.
You know the right thing to do.
Before my wedding, me and the girls played poker ate pizza, drank fake-tinis (my cousin was a bridesmaid and is only 13 and we wanted her to feel included in everything) then I gave them their presents and at midnight we drove to the beach for about an hour (after my cousin had gone home). I had a great time. My husband never wanted a party. If the guy was really ready for for marriage he wouldn't want to be with anyone else. Some men are idiots and she deserves to know.
I agree with everyone in that he shouldn't be thinking that way, and that he's not ready for marriage if he's really going to.
But, twisted as it may sound, the male ego could be involved here. He could be just blowing smoke. So I'd ask his friends if he really did do that, and have them on hand for when you tell the poor woman he's marrying. That way it's not just his word against yours. Because I'm pretty sure that if his other friends at least like the girl he's marrying, they've got to feel like it's not right either.And beforehand, I'd go ahead and tell him that right now he's being an asshat.@filtered_sunlight@momaroo - you know, I thought about that... what if it's all smoke and he's not actually going to do it. Then it would seem like I'm starting trouble. You're right.
Kind of depends. I went to my brother's bachelor party this past summer. Of course, there was copious amount of booze and, yes, we went to a titty bar or two. We bought him lap dances and he tipped the girls on stage and all that stuff. Nothing different than what the girls at the bachelor party were doing, though with male counterparts of course.
Getting a lap dance at a bachelor party really isn't a big deal. Though, the tone I'm getting from this post is that he's actually going to fuck some other chick. That isn't cool and it's NOT PART OF ANY BRO CODE. I've never heard of any kind of mutual agreement among men that condones infidelity.
Is the girl okay with that? If so, leave them be. If not, I'd say tell her before she commits herself to the jerk. Just tread carefully. She may not want to believe you since it's the guy she's about to marry, you know?
If I were the wife, I think I would want to know that he was about to disrespect me in such a manner, if that helps you out.
Best wishes,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
My husband went with his friends to a Dave and Busters, drank beer, and had a blast. The only skanks they encountered wanted to grind with this life-sized spiderman they won. Otherwise, they were just out on a guys' night playing videogames...which was perfect for him.
For mine, we went to eat, and then went to a piano bar. Lots of drinking, but lots of fun.
No one had a free pass for crap like that, and I'd have killed my husband if he'd done anything like that.
It's fine to have a night with your friends, but it's so not a night for cheating.
I don't know if you should say anything, but I'm kind of leaning toward talking to your friend and warning him that if he does anything, you'll tell his fiancee. That would be my plan.
-Katie
I agree with the above posters that this guy sounds like a jerk, and there shouldn't be any bro-code anything about "free passes". But I think the majority of people are ignoring the question posted, and that is what do I do??
It certainly puts you in a tight spot. "Tattle" on your friend or live with the sick feeling of knowing he cheated on her? Really, it's not your judgment that matters, though, it's hers. I'd talk to her. If you don't feel comfortable blurting out "he's planning on f*cking some stripper at his bachelor's party", let her know he's told you his plans and, if you were her, you wouldn't be comfortable with them. Then she can decide whether she wants to confront him about it or not. She might not be willing to hear your side of the story, and the last thing you need is for her to villanize you.
If it really bothers you, though, let your guy friend know what you think. If he goes through with his bachelor party plans, will this affect your friendship? Tell him that. He'll have to take the weight of your disapproval and perhaps the loss of your friendship into account when he makes that decision whether or not to "stick it to another girl".
think of it this way........ down the road, she finds out he cheated (yes, it IS cheating), and she finds out that you knew AND DIDN'T TELL HER. how do you think she'll handle that?
I guess it depends on what he thinks a last hooray is... if it's watching a stripper in a club maybe not, although it really depends on the people in the relationship.
But to me I think, yeah, he definitely is an idiot and doesn't know what he's getting into. You ought to tell the girl. Morality above loyalty, I think. Wouldn't she be more pissed if you knew and didn't tell her than if you told her before it happened?
I got the impression that his plan was to have sex with another woman at his bachelor party. If that is true, then I suggest you tell his future wife. I would want someone to do that for me were it my future husband and marriage on the line. I feel so sorry for the girl! There's a difference between going to see strippers and actually having sex with them. That's just cheating.
Blast his sorry ass and tell her right away!