Friday, 11 June 2010
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In Defense of LOVE
Because the meaning of love is growing ambiguous in modern societies; infidelity, dead-ended relationships, divorces, teenage pregnancies, etc. are a growing concern. We need to explore the present effects of undermining the value and meaning of love and find solutions and tips to help those who want to create meaningful relationships.
Especially for parents gritting their teeth as their beloved child reaches adolescence. We need to figure out why some people are prone to deception and figure out how to avoid being in a relationship that will only waste our time and energy, even though it may appear to “start-off great”.
We need to confront the social trends that put relationships in jeopardy. Many of us are losing faith in finding a secure relationship, we need to be aware of these social trends that account for the high percentage of relationship failure.
We need to step back and take a bold look at why some relationships fail and how to prevent love from becoming just a myth. We should be seeking to restore faith in love, which is all to often blamed as leading to such state of emotional and interpersonal ruin.
I believe it is a big error to blame love for betrayed emotions or unhappy relationships, there should be no gray area as to what real love consists of.
“Love is a virtue; a world without it is doomed to ruin its future generations and ultimately itself.” (quote by Tapiwa Chitembure - author of Rage For The Justice Of Love). This is what should drive us to try to restore its true value and meaning. Love should always be thought of as a strength, not a weakness.
What social trends do you think put relationships in jeopardy? Have you lost faith in finding a secure, meaningful relationship? Do you think love is a strength/weakness?
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- From: rageforlove
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Comments (9)
FACEBOOK
My boy's girl friends hateeee me, for absolutely no reason. One day I got on fbook to see a huge bitchout on my wall from two of them. I was furious but more so because my Boy wouldn't stick up for me since it was "on my facebook wall."
Um wtf.
But love isn't black and white. Love is just one giant grey area where things happen when you're not expecting them and you can't quite explain why. Times have changed and therefore so has love. We've got different priorities on different time scales. If a love dims and blinks out it's not because it wasn't real, it just wasn't meant to be.
True love conquers all and it's out there, everywhere. Maybe you're just not looking the right way. What will be, will be.
why buy a cow when u can have the milk for free. we sell ourselves short
I can't imagine infidelity ever being absent in human relationships through all of time.
But it being widely publicized: the media, access to internet.
Access to more options: urbanizing, dense population in cities, co-ed workplaces and schools; dating services, ...
Social etiquette: Promiscuity part of some peoples' lives; disregard for relationship bonds; unchecked flirtation
Beliefs: "There is someone better out there for me, so this right now isn't worth the effort"; "I deserve more and s/he deserves less"; Selfishness in relationships, Women believing that men should accept them in their ugliness, laziness and all their flaws while believing that they can't accept men's flaws; "I'm good enough" (not true, you can always improve)
After feminist movements, women, especially in the US, forget their roles which make them desirable. Women forget to be lovely, charming, sweet, kind, considerate and selfless. Instead women claim to need this and that and they spend less time with their children, prepare unhealthy foods, don't clean their houses, don't keep up their appearance. Women forget to show their good side and believe their bad side is worthy of unconditional love. Women forget men are simple minded creatures who do want someone to worship, someone to love. Women forget how to be that person. Women are too lazy to be that person.
Your "love" is a romanticized notion that is pretty recent. There are other, more important, values that are required to make a marriage last. (Because honestly marriages are the only substantial romantic human relationships -- a lifelong commitment two people make with each other in the watchful eyes of society)
First "love" has never been clear.That's a lie from romance movies and novels and has caused as much hurt as porn. You don't know anything about another person until you meet, and all you can do is construct some impression of what the person is like. This impression is almost certainly going to be false. That's just life. The only way to avoid that pitfall in dating is to go back to arranged marriages. I doubt I would like that.
Divorce rates aren't rising because of infidelity or a lack of faith in love. They are rising because they are legal. At the beginning of the twentieth century divorces were hard to get, because the law had strict requirements for them. It's not so much a problem now, and people would get mad if it was. Since it's easier to get a divorce than work out the problem, people divorce. There's no great social movement behind it. People are just following the path of least resistance.
Why are there more teen pregnancies? Because teens get to be alone with their SO more often, and we so often expect them to be good celibate children they will never be. They're hardwired to be horny all the time. Of course they're going to have sex. Either we go back to a heavier handed approach, or we teach them to use a condom.
We shouldn't assume people behave worse now than before. The difference between us and our grandparents? We marry a lot later, and we're more open about it. Teen pregnancies existed way back when. They were considered shameful, usually covered up with a wedding, and so scandalous they weren't always reported in the paper. It's no coincidence that the Salvation Army had "Was your problem the result of an automobile encounter?" on its questionnaire at the beginning of the twentieth century.
Listen to the elderly's stories. Read between the lines. They did the exact same stuff people do now. They were just as prone to get it on as people are now. They just married a lot earlier, and so their big thing was infidelity. Doubt this? Watch an old movie. They frequently glorify cheating (usually because of a nagging wife). Listen to the songs (e.g. "I didn't jump the fence"). Yep, they were getting it on like drunk monkeys.
The notion of love you are aiming for is a romanticized notion that has rarely ever manifest itself. It's not realistic, and it does more harm than good to romanticize love overly much, or to romanticize the past and thus create a false past.
@AtLeastWereStillAlive@xanga - Facebook definitely is one, I completely agree. Recently two of my good friends who were in a relationship broke up just because of something she'd posted as her status on Facebook. I mean, I know they would've broken up eventually--they're not exactly compatible--but still, that the root of it was Facebook just makes me depressed.
As for the other questions, I have definitely lost faith in finding a secure relationship, just because I can't seem to find anyone who really enjoys me as the person I am. People like to see me as an idea rather than a person, like what I represent instead of an actual girl. People tend to see me differently than I want them to, so I don't think I'll find a relationship I feel safe in for a long time. It definitely sucks, but I think it's the truth, at least for now.
The biggest change in our culture occurred way back in WWII when women started to work. Women were then exposed to more men than if they stayed at home. I think that changed the security of love..more temptation.
I am a working woman and proud of it. I am also long-time married and proud of it.
Christy
Love is selfless. The problem is that people use relationships to validate themselves. Which leads to problems.
People are too scared to love. We're all too insecure, really. Love is dropping the insecurities and supporting each other, and we either can't or refuse to do it.
The only thing that makes this more of an issue nowadays is probably the internet. With our lives so open, we get caught up in each others lives way too much. Who else is guilty of Facebook-stalking? Because I know I am! And more than once did I get jealous over a guy's exes or female friends posting on their walls.
It's stupid. We're stupid. We need to be less stupid.