I went out to eat with an ex-girlfriend of mine on Monday for brunch. It was not a date, or anything like that. She just has had a rough time with life as of late.
The problem with going out with exes though is that you tend to have forgotten why you broke up with them, or vice versa. Here's a list of some of the stuff that bothered me during our meal.
- She hassled the waitress about not enough ice her drink. And by hassle I mean got really lippy with the poor waitress. The waitress had a look of despair on her face.
- I tried have a conversation with the ex, but she kept changing subjects. Her subjects were mostly about how life is so unfair to her. Like her sufferings outweigh all the suffering in the world.
- I paid for the meal with no thanks from her. It wasn't a date lady! At least give me a thanks for my effort to be a kind human being.
- She brought out some touchy subjects about our past relationship on the car ride back to her house. I went out to eat with her just to be a friend, not an ex-boyfriend. This is stuff that happened a long time ago. I have moved on. I don't hold some of the nasty things she did to me against her.
She isn't the only ex-girlfriend I have gone out to eat with. The other ones were good company. We just caught up on each other lives. Talked about random things. A few times I have went out with exes we did end up talking about the past, but they were never in real negative tones. Sure, there were things said that weren't very pleasant to hear, but sometimes people need to hear those things.
I wonder if others make the policy of not going out with exes because of these sorts of things.
Has this ever happened to you when you tried to hang out with an ex as a friend?
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Comments (50)
I have exactly one ex that I remain in friendly contact with where it isn't awkward due to leftover feelings, bad blood, or any other negative past issues. This is probably because of the nature of our relationship - which was more of a fling - we were good friends beforehand, attempted to date, and realized it wasn't gonna work because we weren't compatible as SO's. He's a great friend, though!
I can't say that about any other ex boyfriends. It's too weird.
I've TRIED to be friends with one my one ex...but his wife feels so insecure about me around him. His wife's insecurity makes it EXTREMELY awkward for me to talk to him. I just want to be friends again. I have absolutely no feelings for my ex. oh well. I'm glad you are at least good at making an effort to still hang out with your ex's.
btw, me and the ex have been broken up for five years..I just don't get it. I thought time heals wounds. I guess it is not the case for all.
No. Everytime an ex has invited me to hang out.. They usually try to bring up stuff from the past and try to get me to get back with them. No thanks. :/
I've hung out with exes before; it either usually goes okay (we're friendly, make jokes, catch up on each other's lives) or horribly awkward (too much attempted physical contact, conversations asking why we can't be together or at least FWB, gloating by one party about how their life has significantly improved, etc). I honestly try not to make a habit out of it, partially because I dislike messy attachments and partially because I don't wish to make my current SO (if I have one) uncomfortable.
I don't think I'm ready to start hanging out with my ex yet though I'd like for us to be friends someday. More exes should be like you. :)
i think it can be good if both are mature and on the same page.. like my one friend definately have a history but we're still close, ish, because we know each other well and like to bounce things off of each other
the person im seeing right now will probably be a similar thing
i just think things shouldnt really end badly, its not my style. any bad endings weren't my fault and i tried to make them better. but im not gonna waste my life or energy just because some people like things sloppy
No. I generally do not hang out with my ex as friends. Because the topic of the past always pops up, and it creates for awkward situations, and no chance to move on, even if one of us has already.
It's rare to find an ex only interested in friendship in my experience. I try to avoid having an exclusive dinner with an ex because he almost always gets the wrong impression.
well i probably wouldn't want to hang out with my ex if they were a complete bitch, as yours appears to be.
I've tried, but these people always bring out the worst. Usually it turns into a finger pointing battle.
I won't usually hang out with an ex if we were actually in a relationship. But, if it was someone that I had just been dating or someone that I wasn't serious with, I'd hang out with them again.. as long as we both understood it was as friends and not as a potential date.
Poor you!
No, this hasn't happened to me, and I hope it never will!
I've had a similar experience with an ex boyfriend. I gave friendship a go with him because I figured after a year of dating we'd still get along on some level. Turns out that wasn't happening. I still talk to a different ex of mine though and we get along pretty well. It depends on the person.
i'm on good terms with all of my exes, and best/close friends with a few of them. we hang out a lot and, occasionally old problems will come up and with most of them we're able to talk about it rationally and admit where we were wrong. there are only one or two of them where this is not the case, and even so we move past it. i have a tendency to date my friends and expect to keep the friendship afterwards, so i guess that's where i'm lucky.
i've kept in contact with two of my ex's.one ex only became my ex because he moved to another country, so there's still a little something there. the other ex has sort of become a best mate. we ended badly but months down the track, we just started talking about everything. the thing allowed me to actually be friends with him was that he admitted that he was a douche and was wrong - not that i have any blame in what happened! just that he acknowledged that he was an ass and was quite genuine with his apologies. and because of mistakes we've both done, we can feel like we can tell each other anything because we know that one wont judge the other.
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I've hung out with exes before... I actually went hiking with two of my exes on the same trip. Most of the time it goes like you described, but sometimes it can be nice. I actually hung out with another ex last night, and had a great time! I think the reason we were able to was because it's been a while, and we've both been in relationships since then.
Not really. At least, not that I can remember. I've hung out with exes, and we've gotten along fairly well for the most part. At the moment, I'm actually on good terms with all of my exes. But early on, I have said nasty things about them behind their backs, and yes, they did eventually find out. I remember hanging out with one of my exes a few months ago, and we brought up the past.. but in a joking manner. Like he was making harmless jokes about our 3rd base maneuvers, and I laughed alongside him. I never had the guts to say negative things towards any of my exes to their faces, hence why I tended to just talk behind their backs. :/ But I'm way over that now. Only because we're all on good terms, haha.
they just all try to get back together with me..so it makes it awkward
Interesting. I haven't had that problem to be honest. But does sound annoying. =/
i have found it somewhat difficult to be friends with exes. But the only ones I still talk to, being the most recent ones, its hard to be friends afterwards if you were never really friends before, we sort of became friends along the way, but its hard to not fall for them again since that was the only context id known them in. So we have a friendship, but I cant say that I dont have any left over feelings. It doesnt mess up things most of the time though, and we have times when we talk and get everything out on the open. and it works out just fine.
really good friends with one, the past never comes up. and we laugh about everything.
another one went to the army, returned and is now just so different i cant stand it. also, i think that i think about "what ifs" too often with him that we cant hangout without it being awkward.
another i just saw at a graduation and we got all caught up it went well!
i think it just depends on that person, how long its been, and how your relationship was.
You know, this really hasn't happened to me before. Well, recently. I'm reasonably convinced I've been on the other side of the table before.
i don't know why but she seems like a horrible person PERIOD! was she always like this? i didn't have this problem going out with all my exes again as friends. some i really wanted to hang out with longer, probably longer than he wanted to, which was weird. others, we did it out of "need" but we were very civil. i guess that's why i have no hard feelings!