Saturday, 05 June 2010

• Relationship Status: Dating Under the Influence

  

  You have the right to remain intoxicated. Everything you ingest can and will work against you. You have the right to consult your conscience. Since you've diluted your primary conscience, a second conscience has been appointed to make decisions for you.

  Friday night was all good until this happened. You got caught dating under the influence. What a buzz kill. Substance use and abuse plays a major factor in some relationships. People are attracted to those who they share similar interests with or with those whom they spend a lot of time. Substances can gather two people who would otherwise have nothing else in common. Substances don't divide and conquer; quite to the contrary. Substances multiply and destroy.

  What does loving under the influence mean? It could be as simple as making a risky decision under the influence of drugs or alcohol on a random night. Or, it could mean involvement in a romantic relationship where substances are a common and binding ground for the lovers. Sometimes, a substance may even be considered a "third wheel" in a relationship. In that case, it may destroy the romantic commitment that two people have made to each other.

  When someone begins using an illicit substance, he or she starts to make decisions around the substance. For example, s/he may make friends that use the same substance. Activities begin to revolve around the substance. One might even begin dating a person for easier access to a substance.

  Alcohol is the most common influencer in relationships that I've witnessed. "Everything will be all better after a drink" society tells us. If you're living for Happy Hour after work and bar crawls on the weekend, you might say that you have a relationship with alcohol. And like any other dysfunctional lover, alcohol doesn't really love you. Alcohol always hurts you. Alcohol always makes you wake up feeling sad.

  "Blame it on the juice, got you feelin' loose..."-Jamie Foxx

  Alcohol is a depressant. Like a new beau, you feel relaxed and comfortable. You feel like you can finally be yourself when you're drinking. Alcohol introduces you to new people. You think to yourself: "Alcohol can't be so bad. Everybody likes alcohol. I want alcohol around a lot more often. I seem to have more fun when alcohol shows up." Does that sound familiar? It does to me. This can be thought of as an infatuation with intoxication. You start to love that buzz. Nothing else matters but "feeling good". See the parallel between dating a substance and dating a person?

  If you went to college and lived away from home, there's an incredibly good chance you've dated under the influence. Hook ups at the local watering hole become discussion at the dining hall the next a.m. Think back to the people who you dated during college. Do you shutter and wonder what you ever saw in them? I can think of a few. Maybe you were so influenced by a substance and it's appearance of grandeur, that you temporarily suspended your rational thinking. It didn't matter that the guy downing shots on the stool next to you wasn't going to be a good father! He's cute and carries you to the car at the end of the night. (I know I'm not the only one that's been down this road. If I am, don't tell me!)

  Even when you're not under the influence of the substance directly, your entire lifestyle is under the influence of a new way of thinking. Even if you're sober, you're making decision in an altered state. The altered state is that of one who is addicted to or heavily using a drug. In essence, you're always intoxicated so to speak. You're never truly thinking clearly.

  Sexual relationships are directly effected by substance use. Whenever you're under the influence, there's a greater likelihood that you'll make a decision that ends in sex. My friend once said: "Tomorrow morning will look very different if you do this tonight." As soon as you take that first sip or first hit, know that tomorrow morning automatically looks incredibly different. The familiar faces at the bar start to offer a new comfort. Those faces will tolerate your drunken stupor and deadly hangover the next morning. They won't mind you getting sick all night and passing out on the toilet seat. They're doing it too! It's easy to love those faces. They recognize you and alcohol very well. They love what alcohol makes them do too. But do they really love you?

  Dating under the influence can be very dangerous. Substances may cause you to make choices you never would otherwise. I look back at things I did under the influence, and I'm proud to say that I'm ashamed of them. I would never date or do those things now. What's the major difference in me? I had a rocky relationship with alcohol. And after all the abuse, we finally kicked each other to the curb.

  Have you ever dated under the influence? Do you know someone else who has or is? What's their relationship like with the substance?

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