Friday, 04 June 2010

• Love, War and My Two Cents

  

  I read an article in the new GQ today regarding the strain of the war on personal relationships for soldiers.

  In this tech age, American soldiers now have an open line of communication to their spouses, families , their crumbling lives back at home. Like war wasn't hell enough already. -GQ intro

  When D left to basic, we kept in touch by good ol' snail mail. I still have all the letters that he wrote me. We stopped talking for about a year due to a special request of mine, but we still managed to keep in touch during his two deployments and while he was stationed in Hawaii. I can definitely see the difference in the access to communication between now and then. Maybe I also have a biased opinion being that D and I were not really in a relationship, per se, so I do not really know how much more effort would have been made to make telephone calls or anything else. D and I emailed and he called a handful of times. I did worry. I was unable to watch the news while he was deployed because I was scared of what I would see and hear. I thank God every day that he made it back safe.

  The article explains that war changes a man, and that is a given, but it seems that not everyone sees it as such. It is common to hear about the wife/girlfriend that cheats and leaves. The one that writes the "Dear John" letter. The one that breaks the soldier's heart. As if the war was not enough. Women should know the strains of this career path. We should be supportive. We should understand the sacrifice even if we do not understand why our loved ones are fighting this war and might even object to it. It makes me angry to think about the cowards who decide to leave and forget their vows. It disgusts me to think about their selfishness in seeking Jodi's attention. It hurts me to think that D is included in this statistic. But life works in mysterious ways and we are now together.

  I must admit, I too, was a coward. I made my decision of not dating D back when we were 19 due to the sole fact that he was in the military. I could not handle it. In a way, I am glad. I was able to work throughout my insecurities of dating and relationships and I know for the fact today that we are meant to be. I was selfish. But I made the conscious decision to avoid deeper heart break. I still tried to be there for him. And, as they say, hindsight is 20/20, if I were to do this all over again, I would have taken the path of an "Army wife" to make sure that D was not hurt the way he did by somebody else. The person who now has two military marriages under her belt and was still seeking D out in 2009. I would have avoided mysteryboy and the teacher. But again, everything happens for a reason, and I believe our experiences have solidified the fact that we want to be together.

  I have asked him every so often if he considers going back active. He explains to me that sometimes he does consider it if it were not to what he considers physical impediments that would not allow him to pursue this career path anymore. The physical strain has affected his feet and shins. I understand. But deep inside, I try to prepare myself for a day when he comes to me saying he wants to re-enlist. I would be supportive. I would not leave. I would stay true to him.

  As of now, I am the proud future wife of a Veteran. One who I am so proud of. The article speaks of an "army wife" that celebrates and honors her husband on the holidays now. That they are not just a day off anymore. I can completely relate. Last year, I bought D a cupcake to commemorate Veteran's Day. If you only new how hard it was to find something to decorate the thing. But I found something, and although it was not much, I wanted him to know that I am grateful and proud of what he has done. I know that war has changed him. I can see it everyday. But I love him unconditionally. Acknowledging and embracing the changes are proof of that.

  So for girls that are considering dating someone in the military, take it seriously. If you are not able to commit, don't do it. If you are meant to be, God will bring him back to you.

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