My friend broke up with her long time boyfriend of two years. She felt that the two of them were not heading down the same path in life. She said there had been many things about him that disappointed her but primarily, it was not being proactive enough to getting a job. We were all college students at the time. So one day, she broke up with him much to his and everyone else's surprise. I was confused about her decision because her boyfriend appeared to be an outstanding guy. I remembered that he would carry all her books and bags while she limped around on crutches and leave her stupid, cute love notes on her laptop when he borrowed it. Even without a job, he paid for or shared his lunch with her. He took the break up pretty hard.
A few weeks later, her ex-boyfriend was now with someone else. My friend grew quite angry over the news.
When I asked her to explain, she said there was a rule saying that the girl should always be the one to move on first. I had never heard of this "rule" and thought it was silly!! I didn't understand why she was so angry because she was the one who ended the relationship. She goes on to say that guys and girls have different "rules" in relationships and break-ups and that a guy should "wait" or "mourn" over a lost relationship longer than the girl before getting into a new relationship.
Do you know any other weird relationship rules like this? Would you get upset if you saw your ex with a new partner and you were still single?
The weird stuff didn't stop there...
Me being single at the time, my friend suggested that
I date her ex-boyfriend. I was pretty taken aback by her words. I never considered dating her ex-boyfriend just because they were together for such a long time and he had grown to be like a brother to me. I didn't feel that way about him. It would be awkward and I didn't want to somehow "dishonor" their past relationship.....
Ironically, my friend's ex-boyfriend had a best friend who she had a crush on and when she tried to court him, he said this: "You once dated my best friend, so I can't date you."
Do you think it's okay to date a best friend's ex? Could you?
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Comments (119)
I dated my best friends ex, but they were nothing serious, and we were. She didn't really care. I think there are some cases that it's okay, but if you're friend is gonna be upset about it, it's not.
Your friend is nuts. My exes have always been the first ones to move on... They get over it a lot faster than I do, probably because I'm a girl and thus have emotions! And while I've done it once before, (but it was like junior high relationship) I would never now date a friend's ex. Forget it-- it's ALWAYS too much drama.
Iv done it..in middle school. I dated her exboyfriend, we broke up and i dated the exboyfriends cousin haha..the cousin and i are now engaged. sometimes theres exceptions to rules
I've never dated a best friend's ex...but I did have some incredibly strong feelings for the guy (about a year after they'd gone out). It's a rather long, complicated story--but I'm really happy the two of us didn't end up dating. And even now, we're still really close friends.
I think "rules" about dating are stupid. That being said, I would feel weird dating a best friend's ex. Not because it "goes against the rules," but because it would just be strange.
I've only once dated my friend's ex..and that relationship lasted for about 2 years...but i've only done it twice. Apparently, your friend still has regrets about breaking up with her ex...or why else would those weird relationship "rules" come into play?
never heard any rule about who moves on first, though i typically assumed it was the guy who happened do it first.
i kind of think it's dumb to pass up on a potential relationship that could turn into marriage just because your friend dated them first. however, i do know that there are definitely guys that would and should be off-limits, like the guy my bestie lost her virginity to, or someone she lived with, etc. i dated an ex of my former best friend, and she flipped shit.
BUT she told me to get to know him, she set me up to go to prom with him and the two of them dated for a month. and that was two years before. and the most they ever did was hold hands. and she thought he was boring and the only reason she even started dating him was because she thought he was hot.
well i got to know him, since we were going to prom together and all. and i liked him. not just because he was hot, either. he was there when my bestie decided to ditch me. he was kind and caring and did whatever he could do to make me happy. i hung out with him a lot and never told my best friend...i kind of felt bad for lying, but i really liked him and she totally didn't approve. i don't regret it, and she still has no idea.
if he hadn't gone to boot camp just as we were getting really close (and then my ex coming back into the picture much later--whom i'm still dating now 1.5 yrs later), we might still have been together.
he meant a hell of a lot to me (and will always mean something important to me), and he didn't matter to my bestie except that she had dated him first. and now, two years after all that, she and i don't speak because i couldn't be friends with her anymore (from unrelated things). and now she just wants to fuck him because he's even hotter than before. and a marine. which is covered under hot, i suppose. but yeah.
No. Sorry. That would just be way too weird because I, personally, can't stand any of my best friend's past boyfriends.
No it's not ok
i asked my ex(not really ex...we're still close) best friend to date my ex. cause i knew she liked him. and i just wanted them to be happy. really weird now that i think of it, but i had NO problem with it at all o_O i was happy for them!
why do people still insist there are rules when coming to relationships?
your friend is kind of selfish, no? she didn't appreciate the guy but she gets mad when he start dating someone else...so in another word, she doesn't want him to be happy.
I was never the first one to move on from a relationship. My first boyfriend moved on before I did (physically but not emotionally, talk about confusing!) and my next boyfriend cheated, so technically he moved on before I even knew we were moving on. I married the third boyfriend, so hopefully there will be no moving on from this relationship, lol.
I dated a friend's ex once (my first boyfriend) with her encouragement. I think it's one of the reasons we're no longer friends. That and she's a bitch.Yeah, this happened to me when i was single with my ex. I was pissed, but its so the norm. Men suppress their feelings and think if they get another gf ASAP that those feelings go away even faster. But it never ends up that way. My ex just told me (after 3 years of us not speaking) that i hurt him, it took him 365 days to get over me and he that will not forgive for breaking up with him. lol.
Wow..your friend really is nuts.
The first to move on thing is nutty.
I don't believe in dating friend's ex's unless, like what happened to me, you're willing to just abandon the friendship. Which is like saying Me and Your Ex > You, then you watch them jiggle the handle and flush years of friendship down the drain. Sweet deal :P
O.O!!!!
Seriously? I have never heard this rule, and honestly GOOD FOR HIM! If a friend of mine ever tried hooking me up with an ex that she broke up with I would think "hes not good enough for me, but for you it would work" And honestly my ex's aren't good enough for me or my friends, there's a reason he is an ex! I think that men, and women tend to heal differently and it isn't a gender difference it's a person to person. I do believe that depending on the situation you shouldn't go trying to date your friend's ex. (Girl rule #1! I follow it and in the past have asked my friend, but not if shes like balling her eyes out still crushed after the break up, you have to wait until they both have had time to heal, and it also goes with the length and depth of the relationship.)
Honestly your friend should be happy he has moved on, and get over it. She broke up with him.
hahah stupid girl got what was coming to her. Leaving a guy that was perfect for her only to be left alone and miserable.
I don't think this is as much about general dating rules as it is about personal preferences and opinions. Everyone has different views and ideas about relationships and the "rules" involved, but the fact is--there are no general rules that everyone is aware of or follows. Every relationship is different, thus the "rules" will be different too.
@SupperMick@xanga - ...not everyone is so sure of what they really want. So, cut her some slack. I think many of us do things that don't make much sense, especially with relationships.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - good point!
lol your friend is weird and a little immature.
only 'rule' i know if is don't go after a friends ex, or current boyfriend unless you want to start drama. unless of course they give you permission.
Um... sounds like your friend wants you to date her ex to keep track of him. I would bet if you did date him and things started getting serious, your friend would get pissed.
girls do come up with the most uncanny rules that's in their favor... I once had a friend accuse her ex of cheating because he slept with another girl a week after she broke up with him. Uhm...no honey. That's not cheating. That's rebound sex.
your best friend's ex is out of bounds. I don't even kiss a guy if I know he's already kissed one of my friends (at least not for an extended period of time).
As for rules, the funniest one I heard is that the best way to get over an ex is to get under someone else.