One of my friends was dating someone who told her recently that he did not want to date anymore. To her, this came out of the blue - but the relationship was rather new, so the damage caused by the cut-off would seem not to be too irreparable.
Nonetheless, she was next to heartbroken. And this is someone who is dating someone new every week. She now goes around saying she is "going through a lot," and has felt depressed for about a week (and counting).
This got me thinking about times I've broken things off in the early stages, and made me wonder how seriously my cut-off partners may have taken the parting point. And
this got me thinking about the reasons I've had to break off PSOs - oftentimes, because they're taking things, well, too seriously! One date turns into a daily phone call, which turns into a checking-in, which turns into exclusivity without discussion.
This is not how it always happens. But it happens. And this makes me think - do we take dating too seriously?
The purpose of dating, and I don't believe I'm mistaken, is to spend time with someone in an effort to figure out whether or not you are compatible with your date. At the end of a sufficient amount of time (and this amount varies situationally), you decide whether or not the compatibility and potential are there.
Sometimes it seems to me that dating becomes some kind of promise - as though the reason you have decided to date someone is because the compatibility is pre-decided. As though cutting off the partnership is unconditionally outrageous.
Do we get too attached too quickly? Do expectations come with an unrealistic amount of hope per situation? How seriously should early dates with someone else be taken?
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Comments (9)
Man I was expecting a picture of the joker. Scientifically, we date to reproduce. We humans way over complicate relationships though. We should just enjoy time with our partners and not get caught up in all the other garbage.
@Nominatim@xanga - So was I ha!
I guess it depends on how well you knew the person beforehand. My first boyfriend was a good friend of mine before we dated, so when we started dating it was, of course, exclusive.
I broke things off with a guy because he was taking things way too seriously. He asked if we were bf/gf on our first date! Granted, we had hung out with each other in groups before for the past few months, but it was still too much for me.
I strongly believe that we date to find our life partner. So dating someone is about seeing if this is the person one wishes to someday marry. If it ends quickly, it shouldn't be a huge deal, but I think that once it's clear the two people have reached a point where they know they are compatible, they should be exclusive.
"Sometimes it seems to me that dating becomes some kind of promise..."
Exactly. Often people rush into things, but they can't find themselves leaving because they feel as if the relationship is a commitment they have made to one another. And it's terrifying that on early dates, it's already decided that there's 'no getting out of this.'
I'm a go with the flow kind of person.. i let things take whatever course that they plan on taking.
I do!! * raise the hand and smile* specially if you know the person for a long time. But i try not to..i'd rather look at dating as form of getting to know you stage.
this is the situation i'm in right now. almost by definition, we're only casually dating, yet he constantly refers to us as being serious, when in reality i need much more time to decide. it's very confusing, but i have a feeling i'm going to end up breaking it off because of this.
which honestly really sucks, because what with all his talk of us being serious, i've definitely gotten overly attached way too quickly.