...is hard. Even if it's a lost cause, even if there's nothing you can do to salvage the situation, for some reason it's next to impossible to just leave everything behind and start afresh. So what if the bad outshines the good? There's still that little
something that's making you cling onto the past for dear life.
Can one truly move on? What exactly does it entail, anyway? Do you no longer think about a certain someone
at all? Is it when you've stopped holding grudges against them? When you can finally be happy for them when they introduce their new boy/girlfriend to you?
For some people moving on is a life-long process. Sometimes they never succeed. So often I hear married people say they're still in love with their ex, or that they think about their first love and ask 'what if'. It saddens me.
It takes strength to move on, especially when the relationship has meant something to you. It requires efforts to constantly keep your thought process in check. It's one hell of a roller coaster ride, if you ask me. One minute you're fine and dandy, sure that you're completely over whoever you need to get over in the first place. Next you're bawling your eyes out, wondering what could have been, would have been. Your mind turns into a battlefield. Your veins fill with hatred.
Why is s/he not miserable? How dare s/he be happy when I'm not? It's ugly, and the worst thing is this can happen at the most unexpected moment. No forewarning. No time to brace yourself for the impact. It just... happens, and then you're a mess.
What's surprising is that even when you don't actually want to be with that certain someone yourself, even when you know precisely
why you don't want to be with them, even when your only advice to anyone considering dating them is to drop them like a scalding hot potato, it still bloody hurts. It's shocking really. The human mind - it boggles me.
I guess it's all part of the package. You play the game, you risk losing. The lesson here? Learn to pick up the broken pieces of your heart. Glue them together and put the finished product back into your chest cavity. Keep the good memories but don't forget to dig out the bad ones too. Rationality is your best friend at this trying time.
Thoughts?
True 
Comments (22)
I find staying busy helps. Starting a really diverting book, taking up a really difficult and time-consuming hobby, that sort of thing. And, of course, carbs. Carbs help me through anything. :P
this is so depressing. moving on is tough, and i'm having a hard time figuring out whether or not i'm ever going to get over this one.
Everytime, you mend your heart back together, it doesn't actually become the original shape. It changes it's shape because you come out a changed person as well. You learn from the experience and make things work on the next.
well written.
When it comes to relationships, time heals all wounds.
...but a rebound one-night-stand doesn't hurt either.
"Your mind turns into a battlefield. Your veins fill with hatred. Why
is s/he not miserable? How dare s/he be happy when I'm not? It's
ugly, and the worst thing is this can happen at the most unexpected
moment. No forewarning. No time to brace yourself for the impact. It
just... happens, and then you're a mess."
Beautifully written. Story of my life.
i agree. if they meant something to you, i dont think you will ever forget them. there's so much i could say about this, but it's almost 2 am and that would be a rant. well written post.
One of my biggest fears is that I won't move on from my ex completely. That I'll be married with kids and my mind will still go back to that place, back to him.
As much as I know its possible I could meet someone better than him, I still fear this everyday that I'm never going to be able to fully let go.And I won't lie, a pat of me doesn't want to let go now because, there hasn't been someone else, there hasn't been anyone better. But if Mr. Right comes along, and my ex just keeps popping into my head... I'm not gonna be able to handle it.
I hate it. I wish we could get back together for alot of reasons, but one being so I won't have to hurt someone else because of my feelings for a former lover. Sucks.
I pray every night, "If I can't have him back, then I need to be over this. It has to be one way or the other. I can't live the rest of my life with it both ways."
only time passing made "it" (moving on) any easier for me
everything you described, I encountered for many years
finally, waaayyy later, I have some small measure of success in the moving on game
I tell you a child that resulted from the relationship, makes increased the difficulty but at the same time, made it easier
Nicely said. I'll never forget my first love. It struck me down to the core of my being. Though he did some awful things, I only think about the good memories most of the time :) Strange to think that's what keeps me going. Our "breaking up" dragged on for a long, long time so I think I was able to make peace with it before it actually happened.
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it's not easy, but ppl eventually move on :) i've been through that!
they can only forgive the other party, but they will not forget memories (be it good or bad)
Very well written..... I wrote a similar one six months ago that didn't sound so elegant because I was crying and acting like a teenager but I broke up with my "lost cause"and we cut communication. 5 months later... we found eachother in our lives again even though we live 3 hours away... and now we're dating and things are different.
Moving on sucks and you defiantly have to try and get the lesson.
But if your heart can't move on than maybe theres a reason.
It doesn't mean much when you're going through something tough but everything does happen for a reason! :)
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So very true.
i just got out of a long relationship with a boy that i met in college. It was hard at first and i made myself so sick i couldn't eat, but i've realized people have bigger problems in this world and i think that comes from having a friend pass away in the same week all this happened. It just helped me realize i shouldn't be crying over a stupid boy who probably doesn't care in the first place especially when people have just lost a son and a very special person to them.
MY advice keep your head up, stay possitive, and know that there is someone out there who wants to make you the happiest girl/boy in the world and they might have been there the whole time and you never realized it :)
EVERYTHING happens for a reason and i thought that was so cliche but believe me it is definitly true.
thank you for this. this is truly amazing
I'm lucky I never cared about anyone enough to feel this.
Staying busy does help.
This is a point well put. I believe that the "what ifs" are the most heart-wrenching and the most lingering....it is probably better to go find out "what if" before getting involved with anyone else. You risk losing. But if you don't risk, you'll surely never win.
@annnyah@xanga - agree
The hardest thing is falling in love with someone, then finding out that it was all a lie. He never meant a word he said, and that even if he did have some feelings for me, he wasn't enough of a man to express them.
What keeps me going is knowing that God has better planned out for me. I know I deserve better than how I was treated, and I know it was his loss. It's hard to speak to him, and even harder to see him face-to-face, but I know with paitence and time my heart will mend. Yes I will always care for him, but care and love definitely are not the same things.