Several months ago, I was at my good friend's house when I started hearing my friends talk about a friend of theirs. There wasn't any specific conversation about the guy that I remembered, but I heard his name quite a bit, so I asked a few questions about him. My friend told me he was a good friend of the whole family and has been very close to them for a long time. For this post, I'll refer to him as A.
So I knew who A was after hearing about him, but I never really talked to him up until maybe about 5 months ago. We happened to be taking part in the same conversation on Facebook (yeah, I prefer not meeting people online, but that's how it works nowadays, I guess), and we just started talking to each other from there. We soon had many more conversations, and A and I became Facebook "friends."
A and I soon started talking one-on-one (still online at this point) and started to have real conversations. We aren't really close or anything, but we have nice conversations, and I enjoy talking to him.
Talking to A makes me wish I could meet other guys like him. I've really only been exposed to immature guys who also aren't very smart, so meeting and talking with A has been a good change. The reason why I wish I could meet other guys like him is because I would be interested in dating guys like him.
The truth is, I would be interested in maybe dating *him*. Except there's a little big problem: I'm a teenager, and he's about 10 years older than me. Needless to say, that changes things.
Now before you say anything along the lines of "creepy" or "unreasonable," I have to say that I am not in any way an immature teenager. People generally think that I am about 3 or 4 years older than I really am, based on what I look and how I talk/act. Also, A is not a creepy older guy who goes after young girls. He hasn't even hinted anything like that. The conversations are completely friendly and are not at all weird, so when I talk to him, it's basically like talking to someone who is young and around my (mental?) age.
We are able to talk to each other and treat each other maturely, but not in a weird way. I don't know what to let myself think, considering the seemingly-massive age difference. I don't want to get my hopes up for something that possibly can't happen. I don't have feelings for A or anything, but if I do develop feelings, I don't know what to do with them.
There are various things to think about. Should I continue talking to him? What/who does he see me as? Am I just a kid to him? If I end up liking him, could I even mention that to my friend? What would happen between A and I, and my friend and I? Like I said, I don't have feelings for him, but I am wondering if thinking about A as a potential boyfriend even makes sense.
So, to the point: Have you ever been in a situation like this? If not, do you know anyone who has? Would the idea of A and I being together seem silly? Any feedback would be appreciated.
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Comments (96)
I talked to a guy who was 12 years older than myself. Just make sure there isn't any extra baggage that comes along with him... kids, marriage, etc. Being 22, he lived a different life than I was used to & that inevitabely let to us not talking anymore.
If you aren't yet 18, forget about it. Even if your relationship is completely chaste, it just raises too many issues that could potentially get him in trouble. There is no harm in continuing communication with him, but expecting anything more is a pretty bad idea.
Also, teenagers who proclaim that they are mature for their age are generally flattering themselves.
The oldest guy I dated was 42. I am 26. It happens. My advice is to consider chatting with him if you enjoy it. If you are worried about his intent (or even if you do want to pursue something with this guy) the best you can do is talk about it. Have a mature conversation about the situation you both find yourselves in. I don't think he'd be offended and you will be able to know exactly what his thought process is about talking to you.
Hope this helps!!!
Everyone (teenagers especially) think they're more mature than they really are.
Depending on how old you are, this relationship could actually be illegal. And if thats the case then this guy is also probably just preying on young immature young girls.I'd say wait until your mid-twenties till you start dating older men. Until then keep it within your age range and enjoy yourself.
this one is 15 years older than me.... he's quite difficult. Just don't let them think they have the advantage over you :)
MangoWOW is correct. Everyone likes to believe that they're mature. My cousin behaves and looks like she's twenty, although she's just 15. There are plenty of things that make minors too vulnerable to date older men. Wait until you're of legal age, at least.
Go ahead and talk with this man, but be aware that he's that much older, and may have more or less expectations in store for this potential relationship than you do. If you know what I mean. He could be with someone closer to his age range, who will definitely have a better understanding, similarities and capabilities than you should.
The smart thing to do, is to find a guy your age, who's also mature as you are. For now, while you're waiting to turn eighteen +
divide by two and add 7.
18 year old guy should not be dating anyone younger than 16.
18/2=9+7=16.
let yourself grow up a little, it's not like there's a rush if you haven't even discussed it. See if there's anyone your own age you like, and if in 5 years you're still pining for him, try it out. (although by then he'll be like, 35, and probably want to have kids or get a home or whatever)
also, no offense, but i am SO SO TIRED of teenage girls talking about how mature they actually are. How can one possibly, objectively rate one's own maturity? In general, if a person has to SAY they're very mature, I always take it to mean that... they're not as mature as they think they are. It doesn't make it any less creepy if the kid is "mature" in those situations, anyways.
*scrolls up* oh, glad other people said that first, it makes me feel less snarky.
Unless you're at least seventeen, forget about it. I know you want to think the best of him, but no self-respecting adult is going to go for a teenager ten years his junior. If he does, there's something fishy about him.
Love is love, and that difference will matter less and less as you get older. My girlfriend is one year and five months younger than I am, and I think my parents think that is too much of a difference (as it stands, she is 18 and I am 19...wow, big difference) but after a while you start to realize that what others think doesn't matter at all.
@MangoWOW@xanga -
Everyone (teenagers especially) think they're
more mature than they really are.
i would modify that sentence to be "every teenager thinks they are more mature than they really are". seriously.
but to the poster, throw us the numbers. 19/29 VS 15/25 are two completely different scenarios.
If you're still in high school, I wouldn't recommend dating anyone above a few years older than you. You're really not as mature as you think, and you're going to be changing a whole lot through college. I'm 20 and I could never imagine dating a 30 year old. Why? The 20's (typically) bring times of focusing on finding yourself, your career, etc. I don't think a 30 year old could connect with a junior in college who still doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. But, ultimately, it's your decision. I'd just recommend against it.
Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at an age gap dating site[_www. A G E R O M A N C E com_]---a nice and free place for Younger- Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or- tell your friends
All my experiences (and friend's experiences) with older men (meaning, in their 20s) have been horrible. You haven't even met the guy, how could you even considering being a relationship with him?
Trust me, you may think you guys hit it off now, but it's called being cordial. Instead of having a Q & A chat through Facebook, you haven't TRULY interacted with him. 10 years is a huge difference. It wouldn't be a big deal if you were older. I know that's a double standard but it's right. You two live in two completely different worlds. I remember (I'm 17) when the first time this 25 yr old called me, he wanted to take me to a bar.
Find someone your own age. It won't last, sorry for being so blunt but I'm just warning you. My friend got screwed over by a 26 yr old because she didn't listen to my warnings.
Plus, I don't think your parents would allow you to date someone who is probably out of college when/if you're still in high school. Which means you'll be sneaking out to see him. Which means if you get caught, he could get into some SERIOUS trouble with the law even.
The only thing that might get in the way is the idea of sex. But otherwise, its wouldn't be such a hassle. I was in a "relationship" where the gaps in age was wide.
@mirrorslie@xanga - Totally agree with you
Wait until you're of age...and know that you are not mature like you think you are..as I agree with everyone else; especially teenagers. They have a lot to learn and grow and even through your 20's. Just wait on it..and find someone your own age,or just wait until later. Forget guys and focus on school. I have a lot of friends doing that now.
Everyone above my post is right; it depends on YOUR age. Also, your ability to keep it on the down low, and be sure you're not going to be manipulated for "being just a teenager"
I'm not just giving groundless advice here, I know exactly how you feel.
When I was 17 I made friends with a man who is just under 10 years older than I. We kept everything on a strictly friendship level because in my social scene, i'm the local show-goer and he's the show promoter. We're always in the sights of hundreds of people we know mutually. I started to see him in a different light though. I made it my business to be there for him, as he was doing for me. A few months after I turned 18 he took a 3 week trip back to his home country Bosnia and Herzegovina. It made me realize how dependant i'd become on his company, and how much he really means to me. I pushed all societies' age restrictions out of mind and told him just how I felt. Luckily for me, he felt the same.
It was a big jump, and you'll never know unless you take that leap.
"I am not in any way an immature teenager. People generally think that I am about 3 or 4 years older than I really am, based on what I look and how I talk/act."
That doesn't matter. If you are seventeen or under, it's still wrong. Just because you and others think you are more mature than you look because of the way you act or whatever doesn't mean you actually are. Besides, you haven't even met the guy in person. Find someone else.
You're a teenager...so I'm assuming you're like 16. That would make him like 26. I have no idea what a 26 year old would see in a 16 year old, even a "mature" one. They're just not on the same level. People in their mid-late twenties have experienced way more of life than anyone in high school. You're too naive to even realize how naive you are.
if you're 18+, then go for it. even if it's taboo to date older men, society isn't in the relationship.. you and him are. do what you want to do and if it works out, great! if not, it's okay you can definitely find someone else. i dated someone 14 years older than me, it was great, but in the end things didn't work out, which i'm fine about because i learned a lot from that relationship and it was a great experience anyway. good luck on your decision =)
i love men significantly older than me. 10 is just perfect, the oldest is 17yr older. imagine when i was 18 i was sleeping with a 35 (almost doubled my age), and now i m 30 and i still love 40-something men... but i found that 40-something aren't any maturer than i thought. i just doubt where is the really mature men?
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Growing up, I've consistently thought that I was "more mature" and "older" despite my age. And it's true that I was mature for my age, but not mature enough. Now, in college, I know that I've got a lot of growing up to do still. I'm with everyone who says that teenagers think they're more mature than they actually are. It's true. He may only be in his twenties, but trust me - guys in their twenties are NOT interested in girls in their teens, and if they are, it's only because they're after sex. Even though teenaged boys (generally) suck, stick with it until you're older.
For another thing, people online are vastly different in person. You can never really know anyone until you've met them.