Friday, 28 May 2010
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Nice Guys: Nobody Understands Their Position
(Disclaimer: I am only talking about true "Nice guys", not the guy that treats you nicely.)
Let's first go to the good ol' UrbanDictionary to find out what a "nice guy" is:
"A man who you can call late at night just because you're looking for someone to talk to. He would never speak ill of anyone, never harm a person unless absolutely necessary, never cheat and is always honest. Will help you move just because you're friends and doesn't ask for favors in return. Isn't sleazy and wouldn't take advantage of a person in a drunken or mourning state."
No matter who you are, in your life at anytime, there is and/or should be a nice guy in your life. Elementary, Middle, High School, College and so-on, nice guys are out there whether you noticed them or not.
Just as the definition says, they are always there for you, when you are in need of them; They will take time out of their lives to make sure that you are stable and happy.
They're so nice..so kind..always so generous, its like a Knight in White Armor...they are soo....sooo...
...God Damned PREDICTABLE!
Nice guys, true nice guys out there, find it easy to read minds. Every time you think something, they are right there to do it for you, and it just gets...soooooo boooooring.
Think about it, what would you get from the nice guy? He's still the same guy with status +1. You move in together and he's either still the nice guy inside and out (boring), or he is completely different, and what you thought he was is destroyed (ouch, then you may end up compromising what he really is...not a good start on relationship). Your friendship falls apart, and it's never truly the same.
Look..Ladies and Gentlemen...A true nice guy, is a True Nice Guy, period. This is the guy that will never ever ask you out. Why?
He's too nice..he knows he is already a good friend, and doesn't want to ruin it *sniffle* (Play the World's Smallest Violin), taking that risk...would be all out of whack and just wrongggg, *sob* just wrong, I can't do that to someone I loveee *full on cries* So...I must keep in my feelings for a relationship to be a good friend.
"Nice guys" are your friends with penises...immobile penises. They are the guys that respond to your flirting with their brains - their penises won't even flinch.
I am not trying to bash the "Nice guys", oh God no, I want to thank them to death for being there for you ladies. But there is a misconstrual here that the nice guy would be perfect for you. They are your perfect friend; They are not supposed to become your lover. If you could convert this guy into a girl, you'd have your best friend and nothing more.
There has been some blogs about Nice Guys and some have some things right, some got some things wrong. The bottom line is, though, that everybody is getting what makes a true nice guy wrong. In a previous life, I was the nice guy, but it gets you nowhere fast in the relationship life, and seeing it in yourself is painful.
"All the girls are going out with assholes" - no they're not, women are not that stupid. What all those girls are getting themselves into is a relationship with a MAN. This MAN may have some asshole in him, jackass and douche bag too; he may lie, he may cheat, and he may perform any number of other deceptions, but he is a man nonetheless. It is a shameless truth amongst us.
"Nice Guy" is not a man, "Nice Guy" is really "Nice Boy";
He is the friend that you pull by the leash when you need him, and he will have no resistance to doing it. Is this guy a man? Hell no.He is the friend that will never ask you out at the risk of killing your friendship through a relationship...Is this friend a man? NO! A man would take this risk to find love no matter the consequences (You can make all the remarks you want about him being responsible, doesn't matter).
He is the friend that will never ask you to "MAKE ME A SAMMICH!"...Does this make him a man? He can still be a man but...every guy has to get away with asking this at least once. Man card requirement.
There is a point in every nice guy's life, whether he physically or mentally feels it, when he stop with the whole nice guy act, and moves on to what he is supposed to be: A Man.
He will help you with your needs, without being pulled by your chain.
He will comfort you through your hard times, without putting others in front of you. You are his priority.
He will take command of a situation, he will be the brute force to protect you, and he will be friends with your friends (while nonetheless making them jealous at the same time that you have him).
There is not a true "nice guy" in the world that could pull off even a single one of these feats without being a man.Nice guys, you're just boys in disguise, you gotta grow up or know your position. Everybody else knows your position. Friends & flirts, nothing more.
What does everyone else think? Is it possible to end up with "the nice guy," or is he doomed to remain in the friend category forever?
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About the Author
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- From: Icecold4u@xanga
- Name: Johnathan
- About Me: Anything you need to know, go ahead and ask. I'm not the most open book, but you are welcome open arms.
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Comments (95)
Maybe. As soon as they break out and get on with getting what they want. Women like a go-getter, right?
I should write a post about how women should now say "good man", instead of nice guy, so they can be more specific about what type of man they are rally asking for.
You're right. I can't say anything more except that simple boring statement.
What the hell is with all this nice guy bashing and the stigma that nice guys don't know how to get a girlfriend? Seriously? Just because someone is a true nice guy doesn't mean that he will never have the guts to ask a girl out? And because they are a nice guy that they are boring?
They don't have to be an asshole jerk off to be exciting. They don't have to hurt your feelings just to give you a sense of adventure. And your title is right: nobody understands their position. Because all everyone does is generalize about them "being so predictable" or "boring."
Hate to break it to you, but just because someone is a nice guy and not a jerk doesn't mean he will always end up alone.
I love this post, its hilarious and somewhat true. I've had many nice guys as friends.. and maybe its due to not having anything to work for, they generally tend to be taken for granted. I personally always play fair, and treat them just as nice. A few have tried to "man up" to me but when they did, it wasn't natural and so it wasn't comfortable for either of us. Just be yourself like they all say... eventually as the author of this post says, nice guys will eventually know the right things to do and say to gain the kind of admiration he desires.
One thing I disagree is the "sammich" part.. If I understand correctly, are you saying a man will demand his girl to make him a sandwich, and that makes him a man? that's asking for trouble.
Kudos.
@laytexduckie@xanga - I think he's referring to the stereotypical "nice guy," hence the disclaimer. No, those don't always end up alone either, but there's a distinction between a guy who is nice and the stereotype of the "nice guy." The stereotype does usually have an issue getting girls...
@mynameisblueskye@xanga - That, I think, would be a fantastic post. The world needs fewer overused phrases.
ummm.. I still prefer nice guys. I admire guys who would do good for
others without an ulterior motive.
Secretly everyone has an asshole/bitch in them. These boys just know how to hide it. I prefer to go out with guys who are nice, but are not afraid to be a dick sometimes, and who are not afraid to do things to get with me.
I've got to disagree with this casting of any man as a "Nice Guy". He might be to you, but trying to suggest that anyone is the same person for every individual they interact with is foolish. Some guy could be that "Nice Guy" who never asks *you* out, but is a womanizing asshole to girls he doesn't care about. Don't assume just because a guy is friendly, and goes above and beyond to attend to your needs, that he is in any way not a MAN. Whatever that means. Sounds like you enjoy misogyny...whatever frat-bro finds you is a lucky MAN.
I have no comment on this post...
Ok one...
Funny how a blog that introduces the point of nobody understanding the position of a nice guy tries to understand the position of a nice guy...
Whether or not you are right or wrong is irrelevant...this idea/argument thread has been done to death
I'm glad that "nice guys" don't get girls. They make the biggest mistake of elevating women above themselves. While you'd think that women would appreciate this, it actually turns out to be an unattractve quality.
Although, I do laugh at how women don't really, really understand men but still prefer the "confident" men and whatever confident actions that is associated along with it.
Women! Here's a tidbit on the generalised male mindset: To go with the male ego, "confidence" is a subset personality trait of an "asshole". Some guy that was confident enough to approach you is probably confident enough to approach other women once he gets you. As an odd turn of what logically should be, women are happier complaining about their problematic dirtbag boyfriends than they are having boyfriends that drop everything to tend to their needs.
Just like how men should understand that the best women are NOT the most beautiful woman, women should understand that the most confident men are NOT the best men.
@laytexduckie@xanga - Jerks are what girls date; nice guys are what girls marry.
Not a nice post. I tottally disagree with you on this. But its fine I will take the nice guy for ya. ^^
I respectfully disagree. My current boyfriend is one these "Nice Guys" you are talking about. Your description pretty much fits him to a "T", only with a pair of balls.
Guys can be nice and still be manly. I don't know where you're getting your information from, but it's faulty. Maybe the guys you know are pansies, but I happen to be in with all sorts of "True Nice Guy"s, and many, if not all, of them have balls. Sometimes it feels like you can walk all over them, but there is a point where they will put up a fight if you yank the leash too hard for them.
Don't be so quick to stereotype just because your best guy friend won't ask you out.
@laytexduckie@xanga - Agreed!
hi, i am a nice guy, and truly resent this entire post. I used to actually believe most of what you said, until i met the perfect girl. i currently am dating the most wonderful woman i have ever met. so please get your facts straight you poor deluded soul, or people like me will contunue to be emotional messes.
Thank youHave a great day
@lovezpassion@xanga - I think that was meant as a joke, not an actual attempt to say guys should order their women around, because that kind of thought is just medieval. My guys jokingly tells me get him a sandwich sometimes, but of course I don't ;p
I actually like nice guys. I really do. all that stuff about being a douche or w/e, thats just tricks and gimmicks. at the end of the day I dont want a guy thats going to cause more drama than me.
This was a great spot-on post !
Until:""All the girls are going out with assholes" - no they're not, women are not that stupid."
Actuallya lot of "women" are that stupid. They enjoy the thrill of not knowing what he's gonna do. They subconsciously love to feel like they're getting something they don't deserve.
The great part about almost all blogs involving relationships is that they're tailored towards teens/young adults. Basically, people not matured yet. Know why? Because matured daters don't need blogs to discuss their relationships. They know what they want, there's little to no games, and everything's usually in the process of getting settled in if it's not already. The problem is that there's an alarmingly small percentage of "mature daters."
Anyways, sorry 'bout the tangent. Just a peeve of mine, I guess :)
@donspike@xanga - kudos to you! XD My guy is the man who is considered the "nice guy" and it's Awesome.
@ChaoyD@xanga - Amen to that!
I don't agree with you... I'm
actually with the "nice guy" Or actually I am with the man who is
considered the "nice guy" A real man doesn't ever cheat, doesn't need
to lie, etc. to prove he is a man. Those kind of guys (assholes) just seem more
"exciting" to certain kinds of women. A real man actually pushes
himself to be honest, and yes he comforts his woman while still being
that said "manly man" who will protect her. He's not "perfect" because
everyone has faults and their downfalls. But a real man isn't an
asshole. A real man might seem like a jerk occasionally, but that's
only when him and his woman don't communicate everything that is on
their minds...and things get out of hand. Actually,
a lot of times nice guys won't ask certain women out because they give
off the vibe that they don't want to go out with or are not interested in
the guy. Or maybe he is just being nice, and doesn't really want to go
out with said girl. There are true -Real- men out there, but they also only deserve true -Real- women. It goes both ways O.o
I've stopped trying to categorize myself or my male contemporaries into the classic nice guy/asshole dichotomy because all it is is a big circle jerk where the "nice guys" accuse the "assholes" of being selfish pricks who steal all their girls and the "assholes" keep telling the "nice guys" to get fucked and grow some balls.
I've known "nice guys" who are ballsy as fuck and "assholes" who are spineless. It works both ways. And the people who try to pigeonhole themselves into either category usually get the same result: nothing. Women don't want a stereotype, they want an individual.
@tokyoexpressman@xanga - I agree with your comment, but the last sentence is brilliant. Should be the answer to the whole post.
@laytexduckie@xanga - agreed
it's possible to break out of it..because I'm dating a extremely nice guy =) and it's wonderful. Wouldn't have it any other way.I hate these stereotypes..they need to go away.
Eh. my bf is a nice guy. perfectly fits ur urban dictionary definition and i think he is the most amazing, intelligent, talented, and unboring person...I dont see many of his kind anymore. I wouldnt trade him for an ass hole ever. I have two other friends boy and girl that are nice too...I guess Im attracted to people with substance.
Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at an age gap dating site[_www. A G E R O M A N C E com_]---a nice and free place for Younger- Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or- tell your friends