Monday has become my least favorite day of the week. My long distance relationship has become a bit easier as the distance has closed from Boston and Paris to Boston and New York. My boyfriend is in Boston, and I am in New York. And I am grateful, very grateful, that he took the initiative and bought bus tickets to come down every single weekend this summer. So why am I complaining?
Every Monday he takes the bus back to Boston, widening the gap between us yet again. There have only been two Mondays so far, but already I have grown to dread Sunday nights because they only lead to Monday mornings, when I have to go to bid him farewell for the rest of the week.
Yesterday, we sat in Tick Tock Diner (on 34th and 8th), just passing the time until he had to catch his bus. And even with his arms wrapped around me I was pouty and sad. I whined, “Please don’t go,” even though he and I both knew very well that there was no way he could stay for another day. And he said to me, “Honey, you know it’s harder for me to leave you and for you to see me leave.” And he’s completely right.
I have left my boyfriend three times in our relationship: first when I initially left for a year in Paris, second when I returned to Paris after spending the holidays at home, and third when I returned again to Paris after surprising him at his brother’s wedding. And each time it was harder than the last. For some reason, seeing him off to go to Asia or Boston was so much easier than having to drive away from him to board a plane. Even yesterday, I walked away as soon as he disappeared onto the bus, merely sending him a quick text.
So just as I know very well what it feels like to leave him, he, too, knows how hard it is to leave me. Now, he has to leave me every week and I know that each week will be more tiring than the last. I’m almost tempted to tell him not to come at all if only to avoid the parting every Monday, especially because what he said yesterday made me think. Why is it harder for us to leave than to be left? Marilyn Monroe said that a smart girl leaves before she is left, and for so long I lived up to it, breaking off relationships before I got hurt. But now, leaving, even temporarily, seems harder than being left.
What do you think? Have you been in relationship where you or your SO is always saying goodbye? Would you rather do the leaving, if only temporarily, or would you rather be the one seeing your SO off?
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Comments (23)
hope for the best, expect things to be hard and try not to stay idle =P
I haven't seen or spoken to my SO in over a month. I have faith in him. I have faith in our bond. That's how we both get through it.
Yup. We say goodbye and hello again more times than I like to think about. My husband is in the Navy, and he's been away for 10 months of the 20 months he's been in, which actually is pretty good, considering. I'm lucky to have spent so much time with him, honestly.
It doesn't get any easier, but you just learn to deal. If you love someone and you're committed to them and most importantly, you trust each other from across the distance, it can work.
I can't say anything towards the relationship part, because I've never been in a LD relationship before. But... does he take the bolt bus?
wow, i know EXACTLY how you feel. i did the Boston/NYC thing in a previous relationship. i called it semi-long distance because it's not impossibly far where you never see them, but it's far enough you can't see them everyday = lots of goodbyes...
Me and my guy are in a long distance relationship and we both say it's harder to leave. It's harder to look back and want nothing more than to turn around. Sure, being left sucks but leaving is so much more action.
Long distance relationships make the bond tighter..stay strong!
I, honestly, probably wouldn't be able to say goodbye...
It is hard indeed. I have been in that kind of relationship. Try to to keep yourself busy. If you love him so much try to have faith and way around it. Like try Skype for example. If you have trust towards each other there's no impossible. Communication also helps.
Saying goodbye is the hardest when there won't be another hello.
Every time we say goodbye, I die a little...
When I was in a LDR, it was always harder to be the one being left behind than to do the leaving
Saying bye isn't that easy, but I think it's the long wait which hurts. :(
Back in March, when I visited her, I was the one that had to say goodbye. We held each other and cried our eyes out for half an hour. And even when we did let go, we found ourselves holding each other again. In about 3 weeks, it will be me having to watch her walk away. In either position, it is difficult.
i understand. i've been dating my boyfriend for over a year and we are apart during the summer when we both are home from school. he lives 4 hours away and we both have jobs, so we can't see each other anytime we'd like. i think its harder to be left because then it's like there's nothing there for you when they are gone. but it is also hard leaving too because every time i leave first i cry as well. it's hard to be with someone everyday for 9 months out of a school year and practically live together and then have to say goodbye and be busy and have little time to talk or visit one another.
i guess it's a test for any relationship that experiences it to strengthen it and see if that person is the right one.my bf and i have a ldr and it's way more complicated than yours. he lives in la and i live in cleveland. we've seen each other at least 2 times since we've started to date about 4 months ago and saying good bye is always that hardest. when ever i have to leave or he leaves, i could feel my heart dropping each time. but hopefully we won't be like this forever. we're planning to move in with each other one day.
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D: I cant answer that..Me sorry. But I hope you guys will be able to be together for good and be happy.
I used to be in a (not so far apart) long distance relationship. I lived in Chicago for school and he lived in our home town which was and hour and a half away. So it's not that far. But still we weren't able to see each other as often as we would have liked. So I understand you completely. My boyfriend and I both did our share of leaving and watching the other leave. So we both understand what both feel like. And I agree. I hated leaving him. All I could do on the train ride home (or car if my dad was driving me) was cry and think about how wonderful our time together was. whereas when He was the one leaving I had my roommates there with ice cream and a really good movie (or just plain talking). I finally got fed up with it and transfered to the community school in our home town. It seemed like the easy solution out, but the time away from my home and my family, friends, and my boyfriend was really straining on my health. It was weird. I hardly ever slept. I felt like I was getting depressed. So I transfered. and I don't regret it at all. I know I'm supposed to be home.
Parting is such sweet sorrow
@sweeetstache@xanga - -_- ...
When I was in a long distance relationship (15 months, LA to St. Louis), each time we left sucked pretty bad. We'd end up crying on each other the night before one of us flew out. It really doesn't get better, but you usually get over it. And at least yours is each weekend! I only saw my ex for a total of 6 times those 15 months. It was probably the thing that killed our relationship.
The thing is, long-distance relationships actually test the strength of the relationship far more than any other kind, and let me tell you, parting HURTS. I live in Los Angeles and my boyfriend lives in Wales. That's in the United KINGDOM, so as far as distance goes, that's pretty damned far. He only gets to visit once every year for about two weeks before we have to deal with the heartache that accompanies his departure. I feel a bit numb at first, but when I come home to an empty house, it hits home and the dam breaks. There isn't an emotional pain greater than that in my opinion, so I can understand where you're coming from.
I haven't been allowed to visit him (due to an extremely old-fashioned and overprotective mother), but I do plan to. Watching him leave hurts so much, but judging from the amount of crying on his end makes me wonder if leaving hurts more.
I only wish you the best.
I didn't know how to say goodbye.
.