Wednesday, 26 May 2010
-
The Mythical Ex Who Is Still A Friend; It Can Be Done!
Today I went to a cookout and had an amazing night. And who was hosting this cookout, might you ask? My ex-boyfriend. An ex that I have known for roughly 7 and a half years, since the beginning of our freshman year.
Quick history: We dated twice freshman year for brief amounts of time, had a falling out, didn't talk for 2 years, then we got back together in January 2006 in our senior year. We went through a lot in the 2 and a half years that we were together. But we changed. Changing is part of human nature. We simply weren't the people that we were in the beginning.
He was my first love and I will never forget how much he helped me. But we're not who we were. We went through a lot and decided that we have helped each other in so many ways that neither of us could stand not being in each others lives. So we chose to stay friends. It took me a long time to accept that. But I did.
And now, I'm with someone absolutely amazing. I love him more than anything in this world and could never imagine my life without being with him. My intentions with him are: spending the rest of my life with him, loving him unconditionally, standing by his side no matter what, and always believing in him. And if it wasn't for my ex, I wouldn't have been able to be the person that I've become today and I wouldn't be where I am. My ex is one of my closest friends and always will be. But that's all he will ever be. He will always be my friend. I'm happy with it that way.Anyway, the purpose of this entry is to say that apparently I'm one of the few who can do this. Most of the people that I've talked to have said that they could never do what I have done. They couldn't have maintained a close friendship with someone that they were once so involved with.
Here's my view: He knows me. The real me. The good and the bad about me. He's seen me at some of the worst times in my life, as well as during some of my best times. I also owe him my life. Literally. Thanks to him rushing me to a hospital, I am alive. Our relationship did not end on bad terms- it was mutual. We have no reason to not speak. My boyfriend understands my friendship with my ex. And he's okay with it. So why not maintain a valuable friendship?My question to you all is could you do it? Have you done it? Can you maintain a friendship with an ex?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: DiamondRevolver_xx@xanga
- Name: DiamondRevolver
- About Me: A bipolar psychology major. Recovering from too many things. Age: 22. Here for venting, support, and to support others. This is my anonymous Xanga, by the way, due to creepers. But add me. Talk. Let's be friends. =)
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 2518 Comments: 0 51 View all posts by DiamondRevolver_xx@xanga
Comments (51)
Yep. Good friends with a couple, and still quite friendly with the rest. No hard feelings. Some even came to my wedding. Never saw the benefit of ending a relationship on a sour note.
time really does heal everything.
Your situation is slightly different than a lot of people who refuse to be friends with their exes, though; you said it yourself, "Our relationship did not end on bad terms-it was mutual. We have no reason not to speak." All well and good...under those circumstances, it's easy to see why you two would still be friends.
But--that doesn't speak for a lot of the people who've bad bad falling-outs with their exes and aren't sure how to reconcile it through friendship. What's to be done in situations like that?
I'm doing it right now, Though we had a very bad falling out...
We're trying to work through it because we realized that we were eachothers best friends.
& I'm perfectly content with that.
No. I usually either have grudges with my exes, as in we can't be in the same room at the same time without shit getting ugly, or we generally find that outside of the context of a relationship, there really isn't much to talk about/do, and we go our own ways.
All 3 of my best friends are guys, and I dated all 3 of them at one point in time. 2 of the 3 were simple middle school relationships, but the 3rd was my first love. Our break up was mutual and although it took about 2 years, we slowly started hanging out again and now we're best friends.
Absolutely. I didn't think it could be done at first. But we dated for three and a half years before breaking up this past December. We fell in love, but then over the years, things changed. Like you said, we just weren't the same people anymore. The break up was kind of difficult for us to deal with because we had gotten to such a level of comfort with each other we were a little afraid to be without the other. For about three months or so we went our own ways, gained our independence back and figured out how to be happy on our own after all that time. I know, personally, those months away from him definitely helped me grow into my own person again. Now, we've started hanging out with groups of friends every now and then, but it's definitely platonic. My family thinks I'm going to fall into the "on again/off again thing" but they just don't understand how it is now. We were a major part of each others lives for so long, of course we're going to care about each others well being and each others lives. But, not to the extent of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. We were best friends before and during our relationship, so if it's possible to do without hard feelings on either side- I think it would be silly to write each other out of our lives just because we're ex's.
Sure, it's possible. It helps if you were good friends before dating. Of course, it's not going to happen right away after a break up, but after a good amount of time has pass and the feelings fade you can do it. That's how my ex and I are now and it's all good.
@guyf@xanga - agreed
@ElusiveSoul@xanga - also, agreed. it's definitely circumstantial. but i do truly believe time heals a lot of wounds that were once extremely painful
I think it's possible to be friends with an ex... but I think you should wait until there are no feelings on either end.
See, my friend and I both got dumped around the same time. Although it's unfortunate, my ex will not see me or talk to me. It's immature, yes, but it's making it SO much easier to get over him and for that, I am grateful. Now, my friend still hangs out with and talks to her ex, and she's still hung up and hurting because it's not possible to get over someone when you're still with them all the time. So friends is possible, but I think you need a certain amount of time to get over those feelings.it depends. im friends with some, and not with others.
though mostly, all the ones im not friends with, its been their choice, not mine.
I'm friends with my exs because there's no reason not to be. I never had horrible break ups with them. We still talk occasionally, but I don't hang out with any of them anymore. Especially since graduating high school, it has been way too difficult to hang out with them because of distance. When my last boyfriend and I broke up (we are currently dating again) I tried really hard to remain friends with him, but he wasn't use to be friends with his ex-girlfriends so it ended up not working out. I think it just depends on what kind of person you and your ex are. If it's going to work out as just friends it will. Sometimes there's just too much emotion and chemistry still involved at least for one person of the party.
Yes! I have an ex from about 6 years ago and we still remain pretty good friends til today. We don't hang out and all, but when we see each other we talk and catch up. It's nice being able to be friends. However I do believe that being friends after breaking up only occurs when the break up was mutual.
Yea, I always try to stay friends with my exes. Mind you, some of my exes have not been able to handle staying friends, but I've never seen the harm in at least trying to maintain a friendship after the break up. It can be really hard at first, but eventually it's often worth it to have that sort of friendship. The way I see it is, an ex (if he/she wasn't a big douche) was once a significant part of your life and knew you well (if they took the time to know you). That sort of bond and understanding is hard to come by. Why waste it by cutting all ties? Just put the past behind you and look forward to entertaining BBQs with their wife/husband and kids in the future =) Seems fun to me!
@sunflowersforlove@xanga - totally agree!
I'm actually best friends with one of my exes. We were each others' first serious relationship and we've been together for over 3 years. We are close and maintain contact with the happenings in our lives.
that sounds great! wow, you are very lucky :)
i'm still friends with my ex.. but i never really liked him like that...
Man, reading this entry and all the "Yes, I'm (great!) friends with
my ex" responses make me feel like an ugly thorn in the middle of a
green, grassy field lol.
I really think it depends primarily on
how the relationship was, and how it ended. If either/both of those
factors were very negative experiences, then I believe it's difficult
to be friends with your ex. Not saying it's impossible, but difficult.
Of
course, this is speaking from my own experiences. I don't want to
deliberately hold grudges against my ex b/c that's unhealthy. But at
the same time, I cannot bring myself to forgive&forget all the
crappy things she did to me. And once I figured out I was better off
without her, she started paying attention to me again; she missed the
guy who she took for granted and wanted to be "friends". Sorry, but you
can't have the best of both worlds, especially if you give them bad
treatment.
I truly wish her all the best days ahead, even after
all that she put me through. However, I don't want to be in her life,
or vice versa. It'd bring too many hurt feelings (for me, at least)
even after all these years, and I do believe that we are better off
without each other.
But now, after reading this post and
comments above, it just makes me feel ashamed/guilty/embarrassed with
the question: "Is there something wrong with ME?"
Nevertheless, I'm sincerely happy for all those of you out there who are friends with your ex'es.
up .I wrote about it for datingish. The blog is named "Sure, we can be friends".
I do not have any exes and am still on my first boyfriend, but my best friend broke up with her boyfriend back in january with the "We can still be friends" thing. It's turned into him stalking her and me having to threaten him to leave her alone...
I do know other people who still remain friends with their exes though.almost all my exes im still friendly with.
(ex love interests, not so much)
and two i actually consider close friends
I only believe that ex's can be friends aslong as their is no feelings left for one another in a more then friend way, and if there are no hard feelings that eventually will come to the surface. I am quite good friends with some of my ex's, just for the fact that we were best friends before we started dating, and even though things didn't work out for us as a couple, we knew that we would always be able to count on eachother (we just weren't right for eachother in a relationship). A lot of people aren't able to keep being friends with their old partners because it reminds them too much of what they used to have and they have hard feelings there. There's also the aspect that they don't want to see the person being happy with another person, when their partnert may not have been happy with them. If old couples can be friends then I say all the power to them, just don't let the ex get in the way with any new relationships and remember that you do not haev to please your ex anymore, its about someone else now.
one of my ex's is my friend. it's going okay. his new girlfriend hates me though.
Actually I have had some VERY bad falling outs with previous boyfriends, let's just say one got his ass kicked once "supposedly" because of me...
And we're friends now. With years, and time, and someone that truly is a good person, that even after fighting you know they deserve better... Then you can work it out. To me, relationships between non related people are the result of agreements. What people want, and are they willing to do it together, for each other, be there for one another as friends or lovers or whatever... It's all what we want it to be.
And sometimes feelings change, but honesty allows us to progress.