I agree with you 100%. I've been through an abusive relationship myself..physically, verbally, sexually, you name it, it happened. I stayed with him for a majority of those reasons on your list. I figured it wasn't anything to make a big deal over, I was scared to leave him, I didn't want him hurting me/my family...it was just a terrible situation. I couldn't imagine staying with him because I wanted to 'get back at him' though..Some people might, I guess?

thankfully i am not in a abusive relationship like that.. its only verbal abuse sometimes.. but we both are a part of that and in the end we tell eachother sorry..and try to better ourselves.. but i like the list and i agree how a person can stay due to any number of those reasons. i can identify however with love, hope, definitely blaming myself, loyalty and making light of abuse.

good post!

All of the above except for the drug and alcohol component mentioned, were reasons for keeping me stuck in the relationship, as well as a religious component where I'd been brainwashed into thinking that it was my religious duty to stay despite the abuse and that I'd be leaving the religion and encurring the wrath of God if I were to leave.

It is very hard to leave an abusive relationship and normally takes many attempts for women to do so. For me it took a total of three times (of actually leaving) before I was able to break away fully (and many attempts at leaving that were stopped by him). My relationship was abusive physically, emotionally, sexually, verbally, financial, religious etc... I blamed myself for everything and what made it worse was him blaming  me and telling me that I was making a "big deal out of nothing" when I did have the courage to try to stand up against him.

it's surprising how many of us have been or are in an abusive relationship. everyones relationship is different but your reasons hit pretty close to home. 

@SlackerSociety@xanga - Haha!

And I wasn't appalled. what I saw he did was that he saw much more dimensions to abusive relationship. for some, there is a question of exactly why he is doing that, and how much can that person take, before they can make him behave, even if that means mind games. I thought his explanation of there being also a deeper situation to staying in was something of interest, because it made me wonder if anyone who did do that had any plans of pulling it off. Eitehr way, to me, abusive relationships are a matter of control or something deeper. Whatever you do, its about power and trying to control the other person. So, the idea of someone trying to gain back control with the same bit of revenge is another kinda-complex situation entirely, and is only farfetched, because the idea isn't so common or some people aren't always that mental when it comes to matters of love and lackthereof.

hope was the number reason. it gave me a reason to stay and it was my pride that gave me a reason to leave.

My reasons from that list are:  love, hope, hopelessness, making light of the abuse (to some extent on my part because of my forgiving nature), financial dependence, lack of supportive relationship (sort of), not wanting to be alone, loyalty, and rescue complex.

I think the guy's post was suggesting that maybe the woman will become psycho like the abuser and do something extremely crazy like in movies where they gradually lace the spouse's food with poison so they'll slowly suffer and die, but if both are psycho then it'll just be constant heated arguements where it is an actual debate than one sided abuse, which probably most abusive relationships are. I think abusers continue to do it because they know that the woman fears him and most likely won't rebel because they aren't evil like the abuser. I think abusers might have a warped sense of what being a man is because they might've been brainwashed by their own macho father to believe that keeping your woman in check by verbal/physical/sexual dominance and controlling her to obey is manly when it is rather cowardly that he abuses someone that loves and trusts him so she is easier to manipulate.

I've seen a topic on the steve wilkos show about abusive relationships where the abuser was only a bully to his girlfriend but he was scared of his mother, who seemed to verbally abuse him and he looked afraid of her as she yelled at him, so it was like he was also taking out his emotional repression on his gf, which made him feel like a man again because his mother made him feel so small and he was in prison so he had to act like a tough guy in order to not get bullied or he got bullied and felt vulnerable and needed to regain his sense of control, which doesn't excuse his behavior but it was interesting to find out the psychological reasonings behind the abuser as well as the one being abused. he admitted that he was scared and insecure that she would leave him because she did try to leave many times but was afraid because he threatened her safety by continuing to verbally & physically abuse her. he locked her in the house to keep her from leaving him, so it was like being in prison, which I think he lost his freedom when he was in prison, so it seems like a twisted way to get back his control by taking the freedom and power away from his girlfriend. it doesn't justify their cruel behavior but abusers have serious insecurity issues themselves by using psychological transference. anyway she loved him and wanted him to change, so steve wilkos acted like those bootcamp sergeants and set him straight and he was actually very intimidated and scared of steve when he yelled at him for not being a real man while staring him directly in the eyes later the couple update was that she was pregnant and he was finally a changed man, who now treats her with love and respect. so in this case, she sought help and stayed in hopes that he'll change, which he did. although that doesn't always happen due to difference situations.

Excellent post.

i agree with you.  i can relate to some of those reasons when i was in an abusive relationship.  i was able to get out once my sister told me that i was right.  

The only reason people stay in abusive relationships is because they're stupid.

That's more or less the only reason.

I tried to just not read that post. I saw the bolded parts, said whatever, and moved on.
Being in a relationship like that myself, I agree with your reasons entirely.

Great post. Although I was never in an abusive relationship, I've tried to explain to people while women might stay. Unfortunately, a lot of men have told me that these women and stupid and selfish for doing so. It breaks my heart when a man feels this way, hopefully this will enlighten some.