Saturday, 22 May 2010
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Cheating Bastards And The People Who Love Them
This really seems like the perfect no brainer for discussion. Lately I’ve come across a few cheating stories that really got me thinking. And in light of all these high profile cheating scandals, I thought I'd share some and see if anyone out there could make sense of this.
I know a woman, who is 99% certain her husband is cheating on her. She is even certain she knows who the other woman is. The two women aren't close, but they know each other. She had evidence of the affair and one day she finally mustered up the courage to confront her husband.
Surprise! He denied it. He denied it and she dropped it. Perhaps she was hoping that despite all the evidence, she could be wrong or that he would tell her she was wrong. That somehow he still loved her enough, or still loved her even, to try to cover it and salvage what is left of their relationship from that point on.I’m also friends with the mistress in another woman’s marriage. She even talks openly with everyone she knows about being this other woman. She’s been in a 3 year limbo of a supposed impending divorce that may or may not happen. He tells her he’s so unhappy with his wife, that what he really wants is a life with my friend and that any day now he’s going to snap out of it and leave his wife. When I ask her, she sees it as he is cheating on his wife, but doesn’t quite realize it that he’s also cheating on her with his wife. She’s the enabler and not the beneficiary.
The popular saying goes “it takes two to tango.” But in the case of love triangles, “it takes 3 to tango.” I really wonder how many woman who are being cheated on, really have no idea that it’s happening. How many know and choose to turn a blind eye to it as long as he comes home at night? And for women who invade another couple's marriage, what goes on in their head? What makes them believe so strongly enough that justifies their action?
I know that men and women cheat for different reasons. I'm not hear to beat up on the men or the women, but simply to say that nobody can cheat without help and sadly sometimes the help comes in the form of another willing woman, or even a willing partner who allows it.
In a funny twist, I started this entry 2 nights ago. This morning, I was at work and happen to be working alone at the station for a few moments. One of the MDs came up to me and said "So, Yvette. Do you think I can call you sometime?" I looked over and immediately replied "No. I don't think so. I'm married. happily." I looked over and definitely noticed his wedding band. "Dr. Xxx, (name being withheld to protect the privacy of this slimeball) aren't you married too?" And he says with the most casual and sleazy tone "Hehe. Yes. Yeah I am."
And with that, I walked away.
Why was it so easy for me to stop a marriage-crumbling scandal, while it's so easy for other person to start them?
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- From: LolliPooP@xanga
- About Me: When you educate a woman, you set her free.
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Comments (29)
I honestly don't understand how people cheat, honestly. I've been more commited to all the women I've dated [Simultaneously! This was a joke] than any of the jobs I've ever held on to. I just don't understand it.
people who cheat may try to justify their reasoning but, when it comes dont to it, cheating ruins everything, and anyone who cheats doesnt have a good reason.....='[
Eww that guy sounds nausty! Asking you that while married..is poor wife.
My brother's wife's mom..her ex was messing around on her for 10 years and no one knew about it until a year ago..
I guess its the thrill of "Am I ganna get caught?" And that is why they possibly do it..the forbidden fruit and temtation..
And some times the female tempter doesnt care about the wife..more then happy to be doing it.
I think, in the position of the wife-- you're in love, you made vows, and regardless of how much of a bastard your husband is being, he is still family. And if he's still coming home to you, you think that maybe it's okay if he needs a little something more. You can deal with it. It's better than ending such a long-lasting relationship that you pictured being permanent.
And in the position of the mistress-- if you fall in love, you fall in love. If the man or woman is married, that doesn't affect your feelings for them, it only affects how you should act. And love/desire is often stronger than your sense of morality or integrity or pride. Besides, maybe he says his wife doesn't understand. Maybe he says he's going to leave her. Maybe he says his love for you is so amazing, so incredible, and maybe you think to yourself that it's worth it. He's worth it.
I do not understand the position of the husband. Personally, if I was with someone, I would never cheat. Perhaps that's my naivety speaking, or my inexperience with life, but I cannot imagine ever cheating. People that do cheat... some instances are probably more acceptable than others... but I hope I never empathize with them.
I think the cheater does it because they either feels something is missing in the relationship, they like the thrill, and/or they want to know they are still desirable. The significant other will often look the other way because they don't want to believe it/admit the truth to themselves, or they would like to believe that their spouse simply sought physical attraction somewhere else, that they don't love the other man/woman. The other man/woman may just be a selfish whore who gets what they want, or they may be the victim of the lover's lies, and may be sad enough to believe that their lover will leave the spouse.
Notice I used gender ambiguity, because any of these roles can be filled by men or women, and the reasons for acting this way usually exist within both sexes.
bleh disgusting. >.<
is scary...
imagine ur a 30-40 yr old and u have children to handle as well..
will u divorce?
if u did.. how long will it take u to get over ur x husband? financial issues as well... must deal with family...
and it takes A LONG time to start to get to know another person...
sigh* i hope my future husband wont cheat on meT_T
I think people see all kinds of stuff they never acknowledge, but it's somewhere in the back of their brain.
they have no dignity and they know that they have leverage of some sort, such as financial dependency from their wife that she likely won't leave him even if she finds out that he is cheating on her because the wife feels cornered while he manipulates his wife and other other woman to his advantage. or his wife is used to the lifestyle that she has so she'd rather remain in denial and continue to live in an unhappy marriage and let others believe that they're the happy couple that everyone used to adore so getting a divorce due to his cheating would ruin her image in front of her family and friends even though I think she should divorce him so his family and friends would shun him for being a cheater but I don't think he cares.
Haha. Good for you. "Um, I'm married, and so are you..."
I think you hit it spot on- The difference is that you stopped it before it even started. You set an obvious boundary before there was even a chance of sending him weird mixed messages. It's easy for you because you can simply set a limit, nipping it before there is even a bud to nip, and say, "What the....? NO!" before you are close enough to have to worry about "hurting his feelings" or whatever.
The ones who fall into the trap probably aren't as likely to state the obvious so obviously.
This makes me so sad. I recently left my bf of 3 years...he was pushing to get married and I just didnt want that. Now before you run off and judge me...he cheated. All 3 years we were together. I know, I feel just as stupid as I sound...And oddly enough? I miss him...alot. Yet I hate him. He had his good moments and he obviously had his bad. I couldnt take the pain anymore and the night he asked me to marry him? I caught him talking to another girl...I just dont understand...Im heart broken, but I love him so much. I invested my entire life in him and for what? I feel like I made a mistake...but I know I didnt...sigh. I know theres a guy out there for me...All I did was love that man...and stay completely faithful to him...I miss him...alot...how do you let go of someone after 3 years of them being in your life??? :'(
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i feel like this is too focused on women. I guess I'm biased in that I don't think cheating is as huge a deal as people make it out to be, but I don't think the woman who is the "mistress" or the guy who is the... "mister"? what is the equivalent term? Is all that "bad." Yes, they are enabling, but as we know too well, people in that position tend to get lied to a lot about the actual circumstances. Also, they honestly have no obligation to be the "watchdog" for the married man or woman. The cheater is ultimately the only one with true, 100% responsibility for their actions. Even then though, I really think people overreact. So they have sex with someone else. So what? What's your marriage about, love or sex? Or what, it's about "trust?" if people were more accepting and open about their own natural (and ultimately, in many cases, insatiable) urges, people wouldn't have to lie as much.
@And_I_love@xanga - I definitely agree with this.
I have more to add on this subject, but for now I must sleeeep.
@ScarletMoth@xanga - Exactly, the relationship is about love, not sex. Two completely different things, that don't necessarily go hand in hand.
@ScarletMoth@xanga - why get married or bother to be in a relationship if he/she can't resist those urges or are not wiling to sacrifice these urges to be loyal and respect their significant other's feelings. if he/she wants to be a player, remain a bachelor and sleep around as much as he wants without having to be committed or obligated to anyone but their selfish selves. don't get seriously involved with anyone if they are selfish horndogs.
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Some people don't care who they hurt, they only think of themselves.
@SamBarger@xanga - very true
my mother is the "other woman" as she is dating a married man and they have been together for over 8 years and whatnot; and he's never going to leave his wife because of the difficulties that would happen though he did get caught and was threatened by the wife. Apparently, they don't love each other anymore..but they stay together for god and the kids..
it's a shame really.
My mother has stated numerous times that she doesn't want to be alone..but how do you really justify cheating? You really can't.
Cheating is stupid and people who cheat on other people are obviously not mature enough to date... I was stupid (but then again.. I was 17!) and when my boyfriend cheated on me (ex bf!), I went back with him thinking.. It was just a mistake! hahah! Once a cheater always a cheater... I cant stand them, and they shouldnt cheat on people because it DOES hurt people but those people dont care about anyone but themselfs and their "pleasures'.. ugh.. Makes me sick!
@Hinase@xanga - How do you justify cheating?.. What a stupid question! Someone is seeing someone but then they go and see other girls/ or men... Um.. how's that hard? its cheating and your mom shouldnt be doing that... If I were the other women, id beat the crap outta her because thats just ridiculous!
I never have, and never will cheat on anyone nor will I ever stay with anyone who cheats on me. I think that to many people it's all just a selfish game and the object is to take anything and everything they can get, without having to give anything in return. It's a sign of weakness, and a lack of self control. There is no justification for cheating, because if you ever get that bored of your partner, or things simply aren't working out, there is always the option to get out of the relationship and start over with someone else. Being broken up with certainly hurts, but it hurts a lot less than being cheated on by someone who supposedly still loves you.
@Hinase@xanga - thats really sad =[
yes, why is it so east for someone to start a scandal? well one person proposes to start it. and the other willingly accepts it. that is why it is so easy. the person who accepts it is the moron.
You're talking about human interactions, here. It's never so easy to just say that one thing is always bad.