There was a time (sit down for this) that women didn't partake in the working world - when women were financially dependent on men. This time, when men were responsible for all payments pertaining to both themselves and to the important women in their lives, was (my theory) when the now long-time tradition of male tab-taking on dates started to be put into practice.
This practice has become pretty universally accepted in dating regimes until the present day, but I personally just have to wonder why. Let's look at the current situation for a second - we women are now major moneymakers. We and men are equal participants in the working world, so shouldn't we also be equal participants in financing the dating world as well?
Perhaps we could create a new tradition, one a bit more sensible for the modern day. Perhaps the "breadwinner" of a couple could always pick up the check by rule. Or, for early-stage dating situations (where finances have not yet been explicitly discussed), perhaps tabs could be split equally between the parties, regardless of their respective financial situations.
Now, I'm all about equality between the sexes. Hell - I may even be a feminist. I think the assumption that a man should unquestionably take responsibility for the bill in every dating situation is absurd, and even insulting. We each have the same abilities, and so I strongly believe we should both be able to show these abilities off.
There is, however, this irksome and consistent argument that I've heard everywhere from the Discovery Channel to my mom's kitchen. I cannot seem to completely write it off. It goes something as follows: As the child-bearers, women have a deeply natural need to be protected. They look to men for this protection, and in capitalist society this protection is financial.
So here is the dilemma - while we don't really have reason to sustain the tab-taking tradition, do we want to uphold it anyway? Is male financial protection truly a natural and irresistibly attractive element of a relationship?
My personal feelings on this issue are back-and-forth, so I need outside input. Do we want to feel financially supported by men (even when the support, in reality, is mutual), or is the old tab-taking tradition something we would feel more comfortable without, in light of female financial strides throughout the course of more recent centuries?
Recommend
Comments (20)
I don't understand why this is such an issue. Take the tab when you can afford it, and if you can't, at least offer to split it.
You know, I haven't really had money up till now, so all my girlfriends have had to finance our outtings in the past. Now that I have money, all I want to do is go on a dinner date and pay. XD
I struggle with this as well. I've had some guys who insisted in picking up the bill most of the time, and I would sometimes feel guilty. But I think that women shouldn't feel guilty; if the guy is offering to pay (and sounds sincere), it may just be his way of trying to be a respectable guy. Overly insiting he not pay is kind of like a guy giving you a present, and then you giving it back.
I don't hold it against guys who want to split the bill, but I think I do probably give kudos to the guys who pay and seem happy to do so. It just kinda makes it seem like they are serious about you, If I don't like a guy much I try to never let him pay my part. It's kind of a relationship status check for me I guess.
In general I think the person who does the asking should do the paying, but I'm a little old fashioned in that way :)
(I mean all of this in the early dating stages by the way, in a relationship I think it would be a bit too much of a burden for a guy to pay ALL the time!)
If he INSISTS on paying.I wont say a peep of a protest. But if I eat a lot and he seems to be lacking some cash I dont mind helping..I honestly dont see a problem in it.
But then again if I am just out with my guy friends..they offer to pay..So I go with it.
I agree with all of the comments I have read thus far.
@Shy___Away@xanga - yup, that's how I feel.
I always offer to split it, but if a guy insists, I don't say no. It's a nice gesture and some men don't feel like men unless they're doing it, so I don't object. It's really not a big deal.
I think everyone wants to be taken care of once in awhile - men and women. We just do this for each other in different ways. Men often pay for things, but women nurture when he's having a bad day/make him soup when he's sick/etc.
if his chasing after u, he should pay it.
P90X Extreme Fitness System ONLY ONLY 42$$$$$$$
sorry to disturb u. just take u a little time.
If you are in need,
welcome to : http://www.clotheshops.us
50%off ca,ed hardy t-shirt$15 jeans,coach handbag$33,air max90,dunk,polo t-shirt$13,,lacoste t-shirt $13 air jordan for sale,l nba jersy for sale sale,$35,nfl nba jersy for sale
free shipping
accept paypal credit card
lower price fast shippment with higher quality
BEST QUALITY GUARANTEE!!
SAFTY & HONESTY GUARANTEE!!
FAST & PROMPT DELIVERY GUARANTEE!!
Packing: All the products are packed with original boxes and tags also retro cards/ code
numder
Features: AAA QUALITY, COMPETITIVE PRICE AND SERVICE
1) The goods are shipping by air express, such as EMS,the shipping time is in 5-7 business days
2) They are in stock now;
3) Various styles and color for clients’ choice
4) The Products are fit for most people, because of our wholesale price
puma gucci$35,nike jordans six ring,yeezy$%5!!
new era caps$13 gucci handbags jeans,t-shirts sunglass,caps
true religion jeans$35,ca,ed hardy jeans$35
LV,CHANAL,HANDBAGS$35
NIKE SHOX+AIR MAX+TL3+OZ+NZ ONLY $35
UGG TIMBLAND+LACOSTE SHOES+ED HARDY SHOES$35
DIESEL T-SHIRT,GSTAR T-SHIRT,CA T-SHIRT,50% OFF FOR SALE $15
DIOR SUNGLASS,DG SUNGLASS$15
our website: http://www.clotheshops.us
Hot summer day is about to,Open the wardrobe is not yet found love after
another the right clothes? So, also waiting for? Immediate action bar!
Welcome to { http://www.ongoin.com } sure you will find what you need.
Moreover, the company has a good reputation, product quality standards,
at reasonable prices. Over the years, has been well received by overseas
friends for their support. Therefore, please rest assured purchase.
welcome to :===== http://www.ongoin.com ====
(LV Versace Gucci Chanel Prada )handbags
Nike women hoody
Cartier necklace
Dior necklace
Bikini (Ed hardy,)
......
Best regards for you all,
Looking forward to your visiting.
FREE sHIPPING
====== http://www.ongoin.com ====
sdfsdfsdf
I went to dinner with a guy about a week and a half ago (and asked for advice about it on datingish beforehand hah). We went to a pretty expensive place, and when the check came, he refused to let me see it. I knew how much mine was though, so I handed him the money. After all, we're not dating and I've only known him for a month. This is what he said: "I opened the door for you, let you sit down first, let you order first, and now I'm paying. Kathleen. Chivalry is not dead." I, however, am one of those people who feels really weird if someone does something nice for me. This could be because my ex would have me pay for dinner under the assumption of him paying the next time (which, you know, never happened). I'd honestly prefer to just split the check. It's a rough economy. I'd let a guy pay for me on anniversaries or special occasions, but if we're just taking a trip to a chain restaurant, just let me pay for myself! ...Or at least let me pay the tip!
if he loves you..he will just pay the tab =)) it is a gentlemanly thing to do anyhow....It's chivalry. And feminists give chivalry a bad name...they do it because they wanna be nice and be proper.
I don't really care anyway either..it's not a big deal..
I'm a little confused so don't heckle me when I say: the asker of the date pays. If already in a committed relationship then either split the payment or pay for every other date...
Sometimes he pays, sometimes I pay, sometimes we split. If he goes for it I let him, otherwise, I assume we're splitting-- which I have no problem with. But since he picks up the whole tab sometimes, I should to. When I do he makes a fuss over it; but then he kisses my forehead & says thank you, babe. But really, I'm just looking to spend time with the guy I love. Who pays for our outing doesn't rank very high in my book.
my bf and i always take turns when picking up the tab and i know that he's unemployed right now so i pick it up more than he does but it doesn't really bother me. i think that if we were to be married, my money would be his and vice versa so picking up the tab doesn't worry me anymore.
For me, I believe I bring the charm and you bring the money.
But then again, I'm sexist.....
I'm different than other guys and I don't fit into society's male role of having illogical gender-based burdens like being expected to make the first move, do all the calling/pursuing at first, AND being expected to pay for dates.
It's really easy to be taken advantage of in the world of dating as a guy where some girl would go on a date just to get a free meal. Or even if the girl isn't intently taking advantage, I still don't want to drop a wad of cash just to find out we don't like each other.
At bars, I don't even buy girls any drinks. I'll still strike up funny conversations; if they buy me a drink first, THEN I buy them a drink later. I'm not going to bribe them with free drinks just to try make them feel obligated to talk to me. It's so hilarious when I see other guys do that and the girls just leave after getting a free drink.
It's really funny on first dates when the check comes and how often my date would look at me blinkingly expecting me to pick up the tab -- regardless of who asks who out. Or what's even funnier is when we agree on plans to meetup (mutual asking), and she still tries to push the tab on me.
Women wanted equality; I give them equality. It's sooo hard to find a woman that understands that you can't have it both ways. Please save your excuses on "when a man loves a woman" or "it's the gentleman/masculine thing to do". Society produces so many damn princess types.
@xXDC_luyouXx - *clap clap*
As tokyoexpressman said, take a bow, sir. You've earned it.
I think a lot of guys still have the expectation that they should pick up the check, regardless of whether the girl expects it or not. But I feel like girls should at least OFFER to pay for their half of the meal.
That way - the guy feels like a real gentlman when he DOES pick up the whole check.
i'd rather split everything evenly. i feel like women shouldn't only want equality when it's beneficial to them, but when it doesn't necessarily benefit them, like financial security.