I got married to my ex when I was very young and we were married for 3 years. Throughout the time that we dated, his ex was always in the background. He was in the army and she wrote him letters telling him he should leave me and all this crap.
When he came home for Christmas one year, I was in the process of moving to another state and only got to see him for a few days. After I left, he went to go see her. I found out about all of this online too, not from his own mouth.
He created multiple Myspace accounts just to talk to her. When we were having problems in our marriage, he created a Facebook and added her on it, which angered me, but at that point, I was already over the whole thing. She had always been in the background, even if he always claimed they were "just friends".
Turns out the very first person he dates after we get divorced is her! Talk about a slap in the face.
It's funny and ironic because my ex texted me a few times this past week telling me how much he missed me. He told me how his "new" girlfriend doesn't cook, how she's not the greatest housekeeper (like I was), how she's not as attractive nor will she ever be as attractive as me, and how she doesn't make time for his family like I did. All of these things that for awhile there, I wished he had realized sooner or later.
He told me that he wants to get back together and all this because he still "loves" me. I was single for the better part of the last year or so, and finally met someone worth my time and NOW is when he wants to tell me all this.
Now, I'm not writing this because I still love him. I am over him and the whole situation. I am with someone who treats me like I should be treated, who is a gorgeous person inside and out, unlike my ex. HOWEVER, is it still weird that this WHOLE SITUATION still bothers me? I think the part that bothers me the most is that I knew all along he would always go back to her if we were to break up and that's exactly what happened
The irony of it all is so overwhelming and it bothers me to hell and back. I ended up calling him because I needed him to send me some paperwork, and I hoped and prayed that she was present when I called so that it would bother her, just like her ethereal presence in my relationship always bothered me. Is that bad, that I want karma to bitch-slap that girl in the face?
Should I still feel bitter about this, even if it's been years after the fact? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? What did you do to overcome the feelings of bitterness and hate?
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Comments (33)
Moving on is the best revenge.
I know you're probably hurt by the hole situation. Heck, I would be torn. But the way I see it is that everything should be live and let be. :) Life is too short to have grudges.
Nope, some people just need to stay the hell out of other people's relationships...if they don't, they deserve a karmic bitch-slap.
Woah yea so u married ur ex and then he's tring to get back with u again? or is this another ex of urs? Id be beyond angry too
since u already hv ur new love, focus on him~ cut ur ex completely out of ur life so u don't need to ever think abt that stupid girl
i have to admit, i have a situation where the irony and idiocy of the situation still bothers me more then 5 years later...an ex dumped me and started dating a girl who looks like me, sounds like me, has similar taste, etc. to a ridiculous degree less then 2 weeks later
since i was right about him being on the road to a mental breakdown and a visit to the psych ward, i'm certainly not sorry we broke up though!! ehehe karma <3
I think you have every right to feel this way.
I was with someone for 3 years and we broke up late 2008, and his friends were responsible for our breakup (well, mostly. It obv wasn't all them). Now, I'm very over him. I can't even stress to you HOW over him I am; we don't talk, see each other, communicate - nothing, and I don't care. But, when it comes to his friends, I still hate their f*cking guts. Thinking about them STILL makes my blood boil. I seriously hate them, despite the whole relationship being over - I hate them based on principal.
Your feelings are legit, if you ask me. Someone wronged you; someone tried to ruin your relationship, and succeeded. Yeah, there are other factors but alot of it is also her fault. Someone tried to destroy your happiness with no regard for you - almost like you weren't even a person, like you didn't matter. You have every right to be mad. And slash her tires, honestly.
Forgive. If you don't forgive he will continue to have that power over you.
Forgive him and her and move on.
Well... from what I know about divorce it's a lengthy as shit process and you should have to be in his life for a little while longer anyway- I bet she saw those messages and she stresses on it constantly.
But technically she got what she wanted I guess and he has to wallow in the fact he has lost you forever. I say try and forgive them both and move on.
sounds to me like a pattern. He gets obsessed with his exes because they dumped him and he just can't believe they don't want him anymore.
So he turns on the charm to try to win them back, even though he's in another relationship! Head games. I'm glad you found someone who respects you. Take care of yourself and don't fall into his trap again. I know what you mean about it still bugging you. I saw my ex, (king of the head games) in the grocery store yesterday and avoided him like the plague. I literally felt i was going to be sick..I can't blame you for this to still be bothering you, it should. Best thing to do is move on and forget him, obv he isn't worth your time.
I can understand where you're coming from. While we were dating, my now-husband's ex basically acted the same way that your ex's ex was acting towards you both. The difference is that my husband actually did something about it and stopped all contact with her even though he had originally hoped they would be able to remain friends.
So yes, I understand your feelings about this woman, your disgust at how she could say and do things against you and your marriage to her ex. And it's totally natural to also feel revulsion towards your ex for how he went behind your back, how he continued talking to a woman who was totally disrespecting you, and how he let you down completely. But while I can understand the feelings of hatred, I can also assure you that there comes a time when you just need to let it go.
You've found and are with someone who is good to you, revel in that! Your ex is with someone who will never be even half the woman you are; sadly for her, he will always be comparing her to you and she will be falling woefully short. She will eventually realize that, if she doesn't already, and there won't be anything you can do to make her feel worse at that point.
Move on and be happy with your new-found love. Insisting on holding a grudge could sabotage your new relationship, and there's really nothing to be gained by doing that. Just let it go, and know that everyone gets what they deserve eventually...
@sugar_mama@xanga - Well said
Some people have perpetual Grass Is Always Greener syndrome, and they need to grow up.
knowing that he is miserable with the girl he is with would give me sweet revenge delight. I'd have a girls night out and celebrate that the jerk was out of my life and wishes he could be with me but he never will be.
No do not become bitter about this! Becus they won..It wont be easy..but I would move on about this. I am sorry.
I was bothered by my ex's ex for a long time. And I was bothered by him and the reasons we broke up. I still get kind of emotional about it even though I'm not with someone really great. But it was just so humiliating and was so drawn out.
I'm really happy it's over though. And I'm really happy it was over before I met J so that I actually gave him the time of day :)
@PseudoEuphoric@xanga - Thanks for that :) he did end up apologizing like a week before he sent me the text saying that he still wanted me back, I just took it as he was trying to get me to talk to him and I didnt respond back. We had not spoken in such a long time that this whole thing just blew me out of the water and stirred up shit I had already put behind me! I'm right there with you when it comes to being over the guy--the way he treated me was the part that I wasn't over, just like you.
@TheLuckiestWomanEver@xanga - Thanks for that. I do feel bad for him because he lives wanting for his "new" love to be more like me.
@JinXd_Icicle@xanga - LMAO. This girl doesn't even drive, this is how pathetic she is, so if I did decide to slash her tires, well I guess I'd just have to slash that of her bicycle's. Haha :P nahh but I wouldn't go that far. That's just giving her too much importance. Thanks for your comment.
Thank you all for your comments. :)
if you two were only old enough to still be playing around with exes on myspace and stuff, that was not old enough to get married. i don't want to sound judgmental but i can't take the situation seriously because it sounds like something that would happen to 17 year olds, you know?
if you're happy with the person you're with now, put all of your energy into that. it's wasteful to dwell on the past. rise above it.
You still have feelings for your ex. That's why this situation bothers you so much. Did you ever really give yourself time to get over him? Be honest.....it's hard to fully move on from someone you were with for a long time and loved.
@eclecticapunkqueen22@xanga - I don't believe love ever goes "away" or you just stop loving someone. I believe you just evolve, and not necessarily with that person, and that's what happened with us. I hope for the best for him, but he's an idiot. I couldn't ever go back to him. The love is most definitely gone, at least on my side!
@corpsegutted@xanga - LMAO. We were indeed very young.
well, what can you say? karma's a bitch.
I'd be having the same thoughts as you! Here this girl is, her sole purpose to break up your marriage and steal your man... and you're supposed to just accept it and let her have him without any feelings of disgust or anger?! I know some people may tell you to get over it because it's not healthy to dwell on seeking revenge over past betrayals and blah blah blah, but I call BS! We are all humans, and we all have some level of self-respect. And the minute tries to attack that, there is NO WAY a normal person would just let that slide.
I'm not saying that it would then be okay to grab a baseball bat and spray paint, trash her car, and mark it all over with words like "homewrecker" or "dirty slut" (there ARE humane limits to revenge... unfortunately haha), but having a few thoughts now and then of your ex regretting ever leaving you or her encountering the same insecurities as you have is PERFECTLY normal, in my opinion.
All power to you! ;P
You can do a lot better. This guy sounds like he'll never be satsifed with anybody. He'll keep going from girl to girl.
its natural to want to slap the bitch, and if you could get away with it, by all means go for it... otherwise youll have to get your revenge on her another way, for making your life hell for that period of time