I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now, but from my own personal point or view, if feel's like we've been dating for 2-3 days.
My boyfriend is Caucasian and I'm Chinese, I know he doesn't mind dating a girl of another race because I've asked him and he's been best friends with my cousin for over 10 years.
But the problem is 8 months is a long time, so we should be comfortable together, right? We're in a long-distance relationship, so we don't get to see each other as much, but I do get the odd butterflies when I do get the chance to see him.
My boyfriend is very shy and he also didn't have good experiences with his exes. I on the other hand, have no experience whatsoever. He's my first boyfriend. So we both agree we take things slow, but the problem is I try to express my feelings for him in many possible ways, e.g., writing notes for Christmas, Valentine's Day, birthday cards, sending cute random texts, hugging him and whispering in his ear and so on.
But my boyfriend does nothing like this for me. Whether it's a guy thing or he's extremely shy or he just can't be bothered, I don't know. I've asked him how he felt about me and he says he really likes me, I want to believe his words but my heart doesn't.
This is how bad the relationship is:
- If we go shopping or anywhere public he doesn't hold my hands, hold me or kiss me.
- I make the effort of traveling 25 miles to go and see him.
- When we're at his house or my cousin's, I feel like I'm invisible because he's always on the Xbox.
- The communication between us is dead now. Before we were together we talked over Msn everyday and texted each other. Now I'm lucky to get a "hi" on Facebook.
I've had a chat with my boyfriend about it, but little has changed.
The first month when we started dating, he was fine. He opened up to me, kissed me and hugged me whenever. But now I don't know what to do, I'm thinking of breaking up with him, but there's something he does that makes me forget about the whole "breaking up" thought.
I really like this guy, and I don't want to hurt his feelings, so I've decided to wait after my examination period before ending it, but I don't think I can wait that long anymore.
I really need help! Is there anything I can say or do to help him open up to me? Or should I just end it and move on, even though he has his exams coming up soon?
Thanks
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Comments (33)
Well, I suggest talking to him first.
Heh, sounds like my boyfriend :/. Cept we've been dating for two years. Yeah, just talk to him. Be completely honest, tell him everything you said in this post. That's the only way you'll ever work through it.
they're right. all you can do is talk to him, hope that he understands and realizes the issues, and just hope that he'll be willing to try to change things.
good luck.
try to talk to him to find out WHY he is having a hard time opening up to you and that will clear things up a lot. You can decide if you still can be with him or need to break up. But you have to try to understand the reasons and work it out from there.
Sounds like the distance isn't the only thing seperating you two. Is there an age gap? By this I'm simply hinting at a possible maturity gap.
It amazes me how often people don't talk to their SO about the problem(s)
Wow. D: This sounds a lot like my ex-boyfriend.
The best advice I can give you is to try talking things out with him and find out why he's been acting this way. From there, you can decide whether or not to stay in the relationship.
everybody else already said it best, just talk to him about EVERYTHING you posted here. if its coming to where you really want to break up with him, you might even want to show him this post just to let him see how serious you are about him and the concern you have with him opening up. you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain by doing so...
Like others have said, you need to communicate with him. If you can't tell him what you've said in this post then it's a little hypocritical- you aren't opening up to him in other words with your own feelings.
Oh, and if you do decide to end it- you owe it to him to wait until after his exams. This is probably just me as a guy saying this, but if you were to break up with him just before his exams, you'll break him. I think you owe it to him to, if you do decide you want to end it, at least wait until after them. I hope id doesn't come to this though, I'm sure after a good talking to he'll begin to open up more. :)This almost sounds like my current guy, too. He's not too fond of PDA at all; like, he doesn't like holding my hand, kissing, or barely hugging me in public [which was why one time I was shocked that he kissed me goodbye at the mall >.>]. Also he doesn't act all cute like he did on Skype or AIM when we first started going out. I don't get spontaneous behind hugs, either, like I always used to. And when we're talking online, he'll say he's going out for a bit, and when I asked why, he'll reply with a lame "Because." or when I ask with who and where, he'll never give me a direct, serious answer. I always have to pry it out of him.
I'm too wussy to talk to him about it. But nonetheless, I agree with everyone else. Talk to him about it. Don't back down like I did. Guys love it when girls are upfront and honest about things; that they know how to stick up for themselves instead of relying on everyone else to do it for them.
Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at an age gap dating site [A_g_e_m_i_n_g_l_e @ c.//o.//m]---a nice and free place for Younger- Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or- tell your friends
Talk to him about it, I just broke up with my boyfriend because of the exact same reason and he's even given me time to think if it's really what I want and thinking about it, it's not what I want.
If he likes you as much as you like him, he should be willing to change a little for you... Don't make the wrong decision.Tell him he needs to open up, and man up or you won't bother putting any more effort into it. He is being rude and inconsiderate of your feelings.
a lot of guys do not open up, becase they do not know how, not because they would not want to.
however, i don't know if that is the case when you just play xbox @_@
I think you could be happier in a different situation. If you have to deal with actual distance and emotional distance, you're wasting your time. I'd rather be single than have to deal with that shit.
i think hes not the right guy for you. cut your losses and move on.
I think PDA is disguisting. but other than that, hes totally not living up to the standards of how a boyfriend should be. a SO should talk to you,have fun with you. without communication a relationship is nothing.
I tried talking to a shy guy before but he told me that he felt like I was picking on him and felt inadequate like he wasn't good enough because being shy is who he is, so I pushed him further away
There's a 3 years age gapHe's mr.shy with a bad experience with ex's This is longest relationship he's havingHe's a nerd that loves his xbox and gadgets When I do talk to him, he just stares and think long and hard about his answers, and they turn out the be simple yet stupid answers.
Plus I don't want to the b*tch that screws up a guys life and education, so I will wait until after his examsPlus I still have to be friends with him whether I like it or not since Im close to my cousin and he's usually around there too :L
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga -
Hi, I'm the one that posted this erm.. "blog" and I thank you for your comments. Yes, I do agree with everyone that I should talk to him, but like I said, I have tried to talk to him, but there was only little change. Maybe if I told you this, you might have a different opinion or answer.There's a 3 years age gap He's mr.shy with a bad experience with ex's This is longest relationship he's having He's a nerd that loves his xbox and gadgets When I do talk to him, he just stares and think long and hard about his answers, and they turn out the be simple yet stupid answers.
Plus I don't want to the b*tch that screws up a guys life and education, so I will wait until after his exams Plus I still have to be friends with him whether I like it or not since Im close to my cousin and he's usually around there too :L
@Jack_Morrison@xanga -
Hi, I'm the one that posted this erm.. "blog" and I thank you for your comments. Yes, I do agree with everyone that I should talk to him, but like I said, I have tried to talk to him, but there was only little change. Maybe if I told you this, you might have a different opinion or answer.There's a 3 years age gap He's mr.shy with a bad experience with ex's This is longest relationship he's having He's a nerd that loves his xbox and gadgets When I do talk to him, he just stares and think long and hard about his answers, and they turn out the be simple yet stupid answers.
Plus I don't want to the b*tch that screws up a guys life and education, so I will wait until after his exams Plus I still have to be friends with him whether I like it or not since Im close to my cousin and he's usually around there too :L
@the_gf - well, try thinking of the reasons you fell for him in the first place. Then remind him of them. Maybe make some clear terms ('it's either me or that damn Xbox!') and take some authority in the situation. However, from reading your post and your comment, I feel that your writing is very one-sided- it is as if you are attempting to persuade yourself that you should break up with him. Think of that what you will.
You may also have hit a mark in your relationship where nothing seems like it's moving and things seem boring. Every relationship has these (well, almost) and the way out of them is to talk to each other. I know I'm saying this again, but talk to him. Tell him that you think things are becoming difficult and he may get his arse into gear and start treating you like his goddamn girlfriend! :P
Hope things work out in the best way for you both, and I hope you keep me informed!
Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at an age gap dating site [A_g_e_m_i_n_g_l_e @ c.//o.//m]---a nice and free place for Younger- Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or- tell your friends
I think you should tell him that he's going through an "Examination period" lol.
The first couple of months are usually pretty awesome...in fact, very rarely does this awesomeness carry on throughout the relationship - they call it the honeymoon stage for a reason. I think he's getting comfortable with you. You may be overthinking things a little bit. Just communicate with him because, at this point, I'm quite sure he is not aware of the severity of his transgressions.
@the_gf - does bad experiences with his exes mean that he used to shower them with attention and affection but was dumped for being clingy? if so, that is maybe why he is weary of doing the same thing, so he is putting up a guard to protect himself from getting hurt again by not caring as much as he used to.
@the_gf - doesn't sound like you have fun with him at all. and if you can't have a good conversation with him it just not worth it to stay with the guy. you said it yourself although has been 8 month felt like youve only been dating for 2 days. being a nerd and past relationship experiences can't justify being boring and neglecting your feelings.
boys need space. in fact everyone need space. being busy with school is forgivable but not treasuring the quality time with you when he get the chance and instead play vidgames is not.
and yes. wait until your exam period is over. breaking up with him before that won't make you feel good prolly will result bad grades.
A lot of times, guys don't notice what they're doing (or what they're not doing). Talk to him about it again, in full conversation. I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and eventually we became more affectionate with each other in public and behind closed doors. It might just be a process (especially since it's a 'long distance' relationship) so the safest bet is to talk to him with everything in the open. If he still acts the same way, then maybe it's time to move on.