Friday, 14 May 2010
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Is "Forever" Old-Fashioned?
I had a conversation with my friend that went something like this, I said,"Everyone gets their love story eventually, you're too young to be that cynical" and she said, "People don't stay together forever anymore, you're lucky if you make it to 15 years".
I get I'm in the minority, my parents are happily married, all boyfriends I've had come from two parent households. When I get married, I expect it to work, through anything.
Most of my friends not only not have the two parent household but also don't know what a healthy relationship is. It's easy to use that as some sort of a crutch when trying to navigate a relationship.
Do you think forever is old-fashioned?
Does being from a divorced household scare you or impact your love life?
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Comments (68)
No, that's the way it was supposed to be, or it was before marriage became about girlfriends and boyfriends or a thing of temporary employment.
I almost got married once, and I felt the same way you do. I almost felt happy.
Then I was crushed, but I didn't care all that much because I'm always crushed.
Then people used it to crush me more because I must have been a hopeless romantic.
It's only forever because I'm prude, not because I ever had a thought of responsibility.
I think that two people can stay together forever. But it takes work, communication and compromise. People give up too easily in their marriages nowadays. They just get fed up with how much work it takes and they divorce. I believe that there should only be a handful of reasons to get a divorce. Irreconcilable differences is not one of them. If you have irreconcilable differences, then you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.
Forever isn't old fashioned. It's just harder to stick with in today's society.
I'm from a divorced household. It's taught me to be extremely cautious with whatever future marriage I plan to have. I only want to get married once in my life, with a divorce never happening. I have to make sure it counts.
i don't think all parents that stay together are necessarily in healthy relationships. children of "healthy" relationships don't necessarily have them, themselves. personally i don't think I'll be with someone *romantically* forever, i don't think there's going to be a time where who i am and who they are stops changing.
Old fashioned or not, it's still what I'm looking for.
Of course I want a realtionship to work forever. I think that coming from a divorced family where the parents don't get along with each other at all has actually made me realize what not to do. It makes me understand what compromise is, how useless 90% of arguments are, and what not to do when I'm mad at my SO. I don't think it's made me any more likely to get divorced. At least, I hope not.
Anyone with decent reasoning skills can figure out whether someone is a lifelong match before getting serious. Anyone with decent reasoning skills who actually gives a damn will avoid sex altogether until they find their first love who's a great lifelong match.
I would have loved to have said I haven't been married and that I dumped the lame ass before doing so ... but of course, I didn't, and I got married. I also seperated from him 2 1/2 years ago (yes, I even count the 1/2) and found someone new. I idealized the notion that forever meant forever and marriages should last. Most could, I think. I also think there are so many things getting in the way now. Too many meddeling (sp.) friends, not enough meddeling (sp.) friends, too many new gizmos and gadgets (i.e. temptations to cheat or "emotionally" cheat-internet,cell phones, reality shows) that make it seem like certain things that used to not be okay, okay ... I still hope for the life long marriage, though. My heart's still old fashioned.
I think forever is just a dream and a silly one at that.
I mean looking at today's stats and all. I really don't know what to think. But, i'll continue to wish and think in such a dreamy manner that two people could stay together forever.
I did vow i'd never take the easy way out of something and divorce because...well marriage means quite a bit to me as it does to some people and not others. I look to my own parents as an example 21 years together and we went through some tough times.
I think that raises my standards a bit for guys a girls in a monogamous relationship...
Good post OP.
my parents are still together. my ex's parents had a horrible divorce thing, in fact, they weren't together as he grew up until almost the end of elementary, and then broke up again later... he's ended it a lot with me whereas I've never given up. so although there are obviously other issues, I feel like what you grow up with changes the way you handle your own relationships. I still believe in forever.
@lewk@xanga - same here.
My parents have been married for 25 years and happily together for 32 years total. It's one of my biggest hopes to find that kind of relationship with someone one day.
Do people really get married knowing that they will later divorce? That's not marriage, it's a slow-pace hell.
every individual makes their own choice, whatever that decision is, whether it is to stay faithfully with one person or to avenge after being cheated, the list goes on. certainly the individual's parents as well as the society will have some significantly impact to what the individual does. but in the end, it really depends on the individual.
That is a very good question. My parents aren't divorced, but I do sometimes question their happiness. I don't think forever is necessarily an outdated concept, but no one can really know if the relationship or marriage they get themselves into is going to last. Forever is a gamble. It's an ideal. And too often, people rush into long term committments all too quickly.
It's not old fashioned; like some people above have said, nowadays people give up much too easily and divorce is an easy way out of something they are tired of working for. My parents divorced when I was 5, but I still believe that if I find the right person we can make it work through anything. It's all about how much effort you're willing to put into it.
I dont believe in marriage or forever love.
Both my LIB and I came from divorced parents. His mom its in her 3rd marriage and his dad divorced his 3rd wife a few years ago. My parents divorced like 15 years ago, my dad is in a relationship with a girl my age (they have 2 kids and she lives with her parents) and he is always saying that he knows that their relationship its not going to last and my mom its not interested in having a serious relationship.
I used to think that I wanted to get married and be with him for all my life but now that we live together I dont see marriage as necessary (the only thing that I hate is calling him my boyfriend when we are just like a married couple, just without the paper work).
"Relationships don't work the way they
do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they
finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break. Nine out of ten
of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and
half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling
you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I
haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing
chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken.
You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it.
Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade
through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is,
they don't let it take 'em down." - Dr. Cox
I honestly believe in forever, being with the right guy. I look at my parents as role models for my relationship. they've been together for 26 years at the end of june, 22 years of being married in october.
I don't think forever is old fashioned and any guy who thinks otherwise, isn't my type of guy. I come from a broken family and I don't want to repeat the same trend of divorces or staying in abusive marriages, so I hold potential men that I'm interested in on a high pedestal and won't tolerate mistreatment either. that's the main reason why I'm not in a relationship because guys that disrespect me are kicked to the curb. I have low tolerance
I get what you are trying to say....but I dont think old fashioned is the way to describe marriage.
People are just losing sight of what MARRIAGE is really about.
Theyre jumping into things to fast....not taking it seriously. And so of course its going to end.
I think most people have lost the ability to trully sacrafice and love unconditionally.
marriage is constant work. It is never finished. You will constantly have battles that you will have to work through but thats what you should expect going into a marriage with another person who has their own quirks, annoyances and habits.
people think its suppose to be perfect and its not.
Forever is only old-fashioned and unreasonable to people who let society affect how they treat love/relationships. No one knows what they're doing these days. Well, most of them don't. Some of them do. They're the ones who are still married after decades and still love each other just as much as they loved each other the day they got married. It all comes down to whether or not you'll forget what's happening in today's world and realize what true love really is.
Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at an age gap dating site [A_g_e_m_i_n_g_l_e @ c.//o.//m]---a nice and free place for Younger- Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or- tell your friends
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we're not built to be strictly monogamous.
I believe in forever and true love and making things work. I don't believe divorce is really ever the answer.
My parents never, ever got married, only lived together. They are separated now. It has not affected how I think of marriage or love in the slightest.