Wednesday, 12 May 2010
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I'm Blogging About the Ex and She's Blogging About Me!
My boyfriend of almost two years had a girlfriend for almost six years before we became a couple. They started dating since they were juniors in HS and broke up after almost six years. He broke up with her because he just actually got tired of the relationship. When we became a couple, he decided to meet up with her and tell her about it. I didn't know about this until I saw his text message to her. He lied to me. I was furious and told him that if he does it again, it's gonna be over. I told him to stop communicating with her and he said yes. But apparently the communication didn't stop. It took me about two times of telling him that until he finally cut his communication with her.
It came to the point that I was so annoyed at her text messages that I started blogging about her. Her friends saw it, and I didn't know she was also blogging about me!!! I started to look like a bitch to her friends (which is of course obvious) and I got really annoyed. Finally, I talked to my bf and told him it all started when he lied to me. And so I told him to make it sure that he should really cut his communication with her.
After sometime, I decided to talk to his ex and found out she is still in love with my bf and still is trying to move on. Now, I am not sure if she has finally moved on. And it sucks for me realizing that she is close to my bf's sister. They used to be roommates in college.
Now, I am frustrated and honestly insecure. I feel bad that I am feeling this way. Although I know for a fact that my bf has really cut his ties between her, I still feel bad. And worse, I don't really get to hang out with his family because they're not the type who mingle with friends of their kids. But, my bf has actually formally introduced me to him. My friends tell me that I shouldn't worry the fact that my bf has already introduced me to his family and that I should give my bf more time. Some guys, they said, really take time before they finally really ask their girlfriend to come to their house more often.
Do you have any advice?
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- From: JannyPepper@xanga
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Comments (49)
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Uh sounds like he's not over it either. If he was, he would have cut ties between them. But for the sake of it all, let's say he is. Obviously they were together for close to a decade so naturally she has history with him and his family. I would learn to get comfortable with it, or your relationship is going to suffer.
first of all, how long have you been dating?
secondly, while i understand that you don't want him talking to his ex, she was still a big part of his life for a long time, and going all crazy-controlling on him really isn't going to help your relationship.
thirdly, give him time (not that i know how much time you've given him?) but it takes a while to get over a relationship that long, and he can't really change the way his faily socializes.
So much drama..
Maybe he'd take you more seriously if you could use half-decent grammar.
Why are you pissed off that you're "looking like a bitch" to her friends if you're the one blogging about her? If you don't like looking like a bitch, stop doing things that make you look that way.
And seriously, you're pissed off that he was talking to his ex... about you? Isn't that kind of great? To me it sounds like he's basically telling her, "hey, I found this great new girl, I've moved on and so should you." Definitely not the worst thing that could happen in your relationship.
@MiladyMasked@xanga - Agreed
Six years. Holy fuck, dude. How long after they brokeup did you two get together?
honestly .. leave it all up to ur ex .. dont tell him wut to do anymore, if he stays and stops communicating with her forgood, then u know for sure he loves you, but if he goes astray, then u know he wasnt the right one for you anyway and itd be a good thing that he'd be gone anyway if he'd do that
I was with my high school sweetheart for years, and after we broke up for good, we still could not refrain from communicating, however infrequently, with each other. If a new gf told me to cut off communications with my high school sweetheart, I would try, but curiosity would overcome me. Secretly or not, I'd keep tabs on the ex.
However, with (a) time, and (b) girls who had other strengths and qualities, I lost the temptation to keep in touch with the ex.
i understand that he should not have lied to you, but why does he have to cut off communication with her? you wanted this before you knew that she still liked him.
oh dear... this is tough. but don't worry it takes time :)
I think a guy should be able to see his ex if he wants to. If you're meant to be with him, then you will ! If not, then you wont and you'll move on, and it'll be for the best. But if you keep on forbidding him to see people, he'll become frustrated quite quickly, annoyed and he'll dump you. You can't try to control a guy. they're not like us. So get over it and you'll see! you're not wasting time anyways, you always learn from relationships, whether they're good or bad!
No idea. This doesn't entirely look like a good situation. These were things that you should have sorted out two years ago.
I just recently broke up with my bf of 2 years..a few months ago and though i hardly speak to him..I am kind of curious to what he's been doing..but it's only because we were together for that long.
give it some time girl..
he will eventually lose all interest in his ex..and don't worry about what other people say about you..it's not important..
@dynamicstars@xanga - she said almost two years..xD
Neither of you should be blooging about each other, especially not you. She is obviously hurt, and misses him. You really have no excuse. As far as I can tell, you're both bitches, and you should be blogging about your bf/her ex, if anything, since he is the one that you're both REALLY frustrated with.
@Hinase@xanga - well, obviously i can't read :P
hmm...
Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at an age gap dating site[A_g_e_m_i_n_g_l_e @ c.//o.//m]---a nice and free place for Younger- Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or- tell your friends
Lying only means there was something to hide. And I think it's already a messed up situation that you try to control him. Especially since you say his EX is still hung up on him. She's going to look like the appealing one while you look like the control freak. Who will he want to go for then? You've got to be the one he wants, not the one he's going to complain about. Also, he needs some time. He was with the EX for a while - 60% of a decade, while you compete at a 20%. If he was as you say-tired of the relationship, why did he need to stay connected with her? How long did he wait after ending that relationship before starting one with you? Guys need time to get over things too, even if they're the ones that broke it off.
@MiladyMasked@xanga - Agreed!
What right do you have to tell him to quit talking to someone? Especially when they were such big pieces of each other's lives. When I first broke up with my high school sweetheart I hung out with him a couple of times even though I had a new boyfriend. Nothing happened, but we both do want to be friends. Fast forward 2 years later and I still talk to my ex, probably more now than before because, as I hope to think, he has moved one. But it is hard to just stop talking to someone who has been through so much with you. Yes, he was wrong to lie, but if you didn't demand for him to stop all communication and became supportive and open with each other he will move on faster.
The key is TRUST and understanding. Don't let your insecurities rule your life.Oh and I know all this because I am married and we don't regulate who we talk to. My husband hates my ex, but trusts me and understands that I want my ex as a friend.
You can't tell someone who they can and can't talk to / be friends with.
Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at an age gap dating site[A_g_e_m_i_n_g_l_e @ c.//o.//m]---a nice and free place for Younger- Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or- tell your friends
If you're with anyone for six+ years and the relationship ended amicably, you're not going to suddenly not want anything to do with them just because your significant other commands you to.
Now I'm with you that it wasn't right for your boyfriend to lie to you about having cut communications with his ex... he should have been up-front and honest with you instead. However, I don't think you have any right to tell him who he can and can't talk to.
Let him know how you feel about it, yes, but it's up to him. If you don't like his decisions or feelings about it, then you are always free to leave and get a boyfriend that is more suitable for what you do and do not want.
Personallly I love hearing about my bf's exs. There's a reason he's not with her anymore, and more than likely LOADS. He loves YOU. You need to stop being so insecure.. don't you believe him when he tells you why he loves you more than he ever loved her? Well, he DOES! and you need to realize that. She was a massive part of his life and you can't expect him to have no feelings for her at ALL cause that would make him a DOUCHE.. think about it perspectively.
I still keep in touch with all my ex's cause they made me who I am today, but any new boy knows why he is in my life. As long as I am sure about why they are there, then so should they be.. and so should YOU be. XWhat exactly did he lied to you about? You should be glad that he decided to meet up with her to tell her about you. Isn't that the same as in telling her that he found someone great and he's moving on and so should she?
I don't know why you are annoyed because you are looking like a bitch to her friends? I mean, really? Then why blog about her in the first place if you don't want people to portray you as that?
I think you need to stop caring and worrying less about her and start caring and worrying more about your relationship with your boyfriend.
..and seriously, just chill.