Monday, 10 May 2010
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A Guy's Response to "I Don't Understand Guys"
So, I just had the opportunity to read NiShaCoRnEr's entry on Datingish, and I felt compelled to enlighten the ladies on this site with the perspective of just one guy.
Here are some rules of thumb:
1. Contrary to popular belief, guys are not all the same. I know this is particularly hard to accept because it's an inconvenient truth, but approaching every guy the same way would be like one of us saying, "I thought every woman thought this or that..." Don't you get pissed when you hear that? It's as if you're not an individual with a unique perspective. Many of us feel the same way.
2. To elaborate on the first point, this means we don't have the same outlook on life. Just because the mainstream media likes to portray straight guys as sexual animals who aren't good listeners, love sports and barbecue, and avoid any activity that may challenge our manhood doesn't mean it defines all of us or, for that matter, most of us.
3. When you talk to us, instead of trying too hard by talking about sports (because we're guys) or making fun of people in the immediate area or punching us in the shoulder when you make a lame joke (this is not endearing), try talking to us like we're normal human beings. Again... that's a difficult concept, but you should try it out.
4. Just because we haven't approached you doesn't mean we're not attracted. We could be going through a breakup or be too shy or not think we have a shot or we're just not wanting to go through the motions, right then. So, approaching us isn't a bad thing, but sometimes, our heart just isn't in it... at that moment. We're not animals on the prowl... we actually have the same feelings you do.
5. Last but not least, don't flirt with us if you're not attracted. The whole thing with practicing on "unattractive" guys is kinda bullshit. If we pulled that ridiculousness, a lot of females on this site would go on and on about "men are pigs" or "all men think about is sex" or "Datingish, he used me..." Notice, I said "many"... not "all."
I hope this helps.
Guys, do you have anything to add?
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About the Author
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- From: lightandfaith@xanga
- Name: Charles
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Comments (34)
Well said. It's nice to know that every guy is different and has a good side... Just need to get to know them better first :)
Hm. Life's tricky. Stop looking on the Internet for "how to.." guides and just try something. If it fails miserably, well, apologise and remember you probably shouldn't try that again. Yeah, that's what I would add.
"Just because the mainstream media likes to portray straight guys as
sexual animals"
^Ironically that was a stereotype of women (in the west at least) for a thousand years.
Yes, flirting with guys you're not attracted to is BAD. Don't do it.
here's the flip side---Guys-don't flirt with a girl if you aren't interested. Flirting with "unattractive" girls to practice is bullshit!
I wish more men would acknowledge #1 for us females. We're not all the same either.
What?! You guys have feelings?!
haha, nice post :)
Great post. :)
Yes. So I tried # 3 and all I ever got back was I talk too much. So I talked about sports and anime and sex, and we had a good conversation {he said more than two sentences to me}. IDK, maybe its becasue he didn't want to talk about the cars that I like or the school that we go to or even the movie we are watching, who knows.
Nope, not all guy are the same, but apperantly the rest of them arent interested. But you said # 4; howerer, if you're attracted but haven't approached us "cause your heart in not in it at the moment" its cause your not really interested. There's no shame in that, everyone does it. I'm pretty sure if we were bacon, no amount of breakup/heart break would keep you away. Same for girls if we don't approach you doesn't mean we arent interested, however if you were a nice pair of shoes, we would find interest somewhere in our being.
this was awesome. =] thanks.
amen to the last one
This really should go without saying.
Totally agree with these, especially 4.
@PeriwinkleAdonis@xanga - I agree. There's so much crap on here about relationships. Getting multiple opinions doesn't create some magical formula for carrying out a successful relationship. It's an ongoing process that involves you and the person you're relating to. If you want to get to know someone, you have to talk to them, not everyone else.
I've always ignored the unattractive ones, so I do not lead anyone on and treat the hot ones like sexy humans
"or punching us in the shoulder when you make a lame joke (this is not endearing)"
...oops. Unfortunately, many of my jokes are lame, heh :) Thanks for posting!
lol
i want guys to ask me out or approach me to show he is attracted.and yes, i hate it when girls are trying too hard to impress the guys talking about sports, i mean, COME ON, girls are not really interested in sports and that is okay!! i never watch sports. because simply i don't like it. i dont want to be fake by pretending something i am not.well written. Another good reminder of common sense points.
i always approach guys if i;m interested, i never fake opinions and i never attack if i;m not interested...it's staying interested that's my real issue :S
I like this one. Especially 3. I am not extremely gorgeous, but the reason I have always had a lot of guys attracted to me is because I carry on great one one one conversations. Sometimes when guys flirt with me and use their hilarious sense of humor I can't think of anything witty enough to comeback with so I just laugh and giggle. So far that has never gotten a bad response. The truth is there are two general (notice my acknowledgment of the generalization...now move on) types of guys, smart guys that will love a deep intellectual conversation and not so smart guys that will love telling you stories about their life. None of that involves you fabricating hobbies, interests, and a whole new personality for yourself.
As for 5....that is really difficult for some of us, not because we are necessarily "practising" but because being a little flirty is the natural way men and women have friendly interaction. This doesn't mean sitting on some guys lap telling him he is your best friend is natural interaction, I just mean that when a guy gives you a hard time and you blush and say something sassy and cute back, it just happens. This is for both boys and girls.The truth is, girls know when a guy is into them, that is when we need to be honest and do the right thing, which may mean telling them you aren't interested, completely not flirting anymore (I have done this and it really work. If your REALLY stop flirting and act completely uninterested in his existence he will give up his devotion) , or maybe he needs you to not talk to him anymore. But as for the initial flirting, I just think that is part of life.
how about: Just like girls don't know everything about guys, guys don't know everything about girls too. then you elaborate on that haha...
awesome.
Good points. The only issue I have is with number 5. It looks good on paper, yes. But what constitutes flirting? We might just be being friendly, or enjoying some light-hearted banter. That's not necessarily flirting. Certain moves are definitely flirting, and those should be reserved for someone who interests you. But some of the "borderline" things are just to engage the person in fun conversation and to feel out if EITHER party might be interested.
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Personally, I think you have to be an absolute moron to not understand what he meant by five, or only half consciously trying to conceal past guilt (emphasis on the latter). Most people tend to have very good relationship instincts, but these are clouded when emotions become involved. There is nothing more I can add other than distressing over the state of contemporary dating.