Monday, 10 May 2010

• Advice For the Inexperienced and Disenchanted

  
  

  This is my advice for the idealistic romantic who’s yet to find love. I want you to know I’ve been there.

    As I journey (on this path called life) deeper into my twenties I notice more and more of my single friends (who fall under the above category) become disenchanted with romantic love.  I had been among their ranks just a few short years ago but now I’ve crossed over to the other side - the committed relationship side a.k.a. the “dark side.” Before, I was one of the girls who got to clink her Manhattan/Margarita/Celebratory Single-hood Champagne with my fellow “independent” ladies who didn’t need a man to feel fulfilled in life. Now they no longer listen to me.

  Me: Don’t worry, you’ll find someone… just keep an open heart.

  Single Friend: Right… (Rolls eyes, thinking she SO doesn’t understand me…)  

  But I do understand! Just because I’m in a relationship now doesn’t mean I have single-hood amnesia! I know the pain you’re going through when things don’t work out, when you find that it’s absolutely impossible to “plan” when you’re going to meet someone, unlike school/work etc….  I know the frustration you’re feeling when the less attractive, more annoying, even more stupid person sitting next to you has had 5-10 significant others/relationships in the past 5-10 years and you’ve had ZERO! I know… I’ve been there. Just listen!!

  My advice in a nutshell:

  Don’t Worry about Your Dating Record: It’s OK if you’re in your twenties/or thirties and never been in a serious relationship/dated anyone! You’re not a freak! There’s nothing wrong with you!  Before my current S.O.  I had minimal dating experience (per modern day American standards.)  Sure I had gone on dates (some disastrous first dates with my longest “dating” relationship lasting just 3-4 months) but by the time I was 23 I never had a true blue “boyfriend.” Was I self-conscious about it? OF COURSE! People have a tendency to make a big deal out of stupid things – mainly because they like to boost their own ego:

   

  Smug B*tch: What!? You’ve NEVER been in a serious relationship? I had my first boyfriend when I was 15!!!

    Me: Wow… that must mean you’re going to get a better job/win a Nobel Prize/ find true happiness before me!!

  NOT!

  Keep Your “High” Standards: Not impossible/superficial standards (i.e. s/he must look like Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt.) But don’t remove your standards on goals/values/morality just so you can have an S.O. Don’t ever have a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship! Do not forgo your idealism! In college I had a “friend” (term used loosely) who tried to convince me that the reason I never had a real boyfriend was because my standards were too high. He then made me play the “dating game” with him and his roommates where I basically had to tell them why I would not date them.  I basically told him that he was immature, shallow, immoral and callous.  How we remained friends after that... I am not sure.
  
  Be Patient: As time wears on your patience wears thin! But do not despair! Lack of patience leads to desperation which basically leads to women jumping into bed with any guy that shows them a smidgen of attention hoping against hope it will lead to something more. (It usually never does.) And makes guys give off the “I’m so lonely I’ll take anyone with a va-jay-jay” vibe. Women wanted to be wanted gentlemen, but not like that.  

  Enjoy Single-hood!!! When you’re single you have more free time. Use it constructively. (Not just getting drunk and hooking up with tons of people …) Learn a new language, play an instrument, join an intramural sports team, take art classes, volunteer in the community, travel… Don’t waste your time worrying about finding that other person.  Find yourself first!

  Don’t Hate: Don’t hate on people who are in relationships and don’t hate on the less attractive/more annoying/even more stupid person who inexplicably had a ton of relationships while you have had none.  People have different methods in finding the right person.  Just demand respect for your method!

   

  Anything you would like to add?

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