Monday, 10 May 2010

  • High School Reunions: Should You Bring Your Spouse?

    Yesterday, my husband went to his 10 year high school reunion 3 hours away.  He didn't want me to go.  We have been fighting a lot and he said it would be a good break from fighting.  He has known about it for months and never mentioned wanting to take me.  A day before he was leaving he asked me if him going was going to "cause drama".  I told him I was pissed off that he didn't want me to go, but I would try to keep my mouth shut about the way I felt.  I also told him to think about how he would feel if this was the other way around.  The night before he left, as we were laying in bed, he said if I wanted to go, I needed to tell him now.  I told him I wanted him to want me to go.  He didn't say anything. 

    He left the next morning and called me when he got there to tell me he arrived safe and forgot his phone charger so he was going to turn his phone off to conserve the charge for when he needed it.  That was about 4:30p.m.   After 7 hours at about 10:30PM I attempted to call him a few times.. but his phone was still off.  At 2:30AM I received a text saying he was done with the reunion and would call me tomorrow morning.

    Honestly I'm pissed off about this whole thing..   I think if it was one thing or another by itself maybe I would be OK about it.  But the combo of staying out with drunk people all night, without your wife because you don't want her there, and not having any way for her to get a hold of you is too much.

    My question for you is if you think my anger is justified?  Would you be pissed too?  Or am I making a big deal out of nothing?

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Comments (77)

  • SharonJo@xanga

    oh hellllll no. He handled this very poorly.
  • SliverLines@xanga

    I'd be pissed too.
  • AutumnShadowsQ@xanga

    First of all, I know how you feel; I'd want to go too.

    He should have told you, but you can't change the way he feels. Perhaps having you there would have made him uncomfortable, simply because it was HIS life before you. Maybe he thought YOU'D be uncomfortable. I've been on his side too, if I have to make sure someone else is having a good time, I can't do so for myself. He deserves a break.

     And hell, cut him some slack about the phone. Let go a little bit. Trust him. It's his night out catching up with his old friends. In my opinion, I think you need to chill out. Go find some of your old friends maybe, and go out with them; leave your husband home.
  • Thumper49047@xanga

    maybe I'm reading to much into this (as I always do) and I don't want to open up a can of worms but as a guy...theres something else going on. Not that I've ever done it or will ever condone cheating but its highly questionable behavior, to me at least.


    From what I can tell, you're beautiful, I'd want to show you off, know what I mean? It seems convienient to forget your car charger and he's staying out for a weekend, never wanted you to go...did he actually go to the reunion or using it as an alibi so he could do something more devious planned (especially if you've been fighting). I'm curious, are things different now that its over or is it still a tumultuous time? I'm sorry...regardless. Hang in there and what @AutumnShadowsQ@xanga said, go out yourself!

  • unabridgedtales@xanga

    It seems sort of fishy to me, too. I don't know, I'd try talking to him about it.
  • TheCaffeinatedKnitter@xanga

    That sounds... really questionable.  And no way would I go to my HS reunion without my husband unless there was a reason (he's in the Navy, so there's a possibility he can be deployed at any time).
  • psychicpsycho08@xanga

    That is not right of him, at all. You get married because you love someone, you want to spend every moment with them, you want to show them off. There's no words to explain it. One fight should not last more than a day, make-up. What's the point of living with a silly argument? Remember WHY you married, what made you two fall in love.
    My boyfriend and I would never want to go some place without each other. We want to share every moment and memory together. Not only that, but NOT having his phone on at all?? That would be the deal breaker for me. I would worry, freak out, think of all of the worst scenarios. It just wouldn't work.

    You two need to sit down and talk about this stuff. Talk about feelings, don't hide things cause you might get embarrassed. Aren't you suppose to make each other happy? If he isn't making you happy, or visa-versa, then he is failing at his commitment. There's no point in being married to someone you'll never be happy with, you'll have to live your whole life upset and disappointed over and over and over.
  • Autumnxx3@xanga

    I really hate to say this, but it seems like he may be cheating or something...
  • lobsterrxX@xanga

    I think that if it had been one or maybe even two of those things, then I wouldn't be angry, but just the fact that he didn't want you to go, was out all night, didn't check in, turned his phone off (charger or not, a phone's battery doesn't die THAT quickly!)

    A night out on his own - understandable.
    A night out of town - Understandable
    turning off a phone - understandable.

    A night all alone, out of town, drunk, phone off, with a bunch of people you don't know - questionable...

    I don't know why he would want to appear alone at his reunion. For sure, other people had their spouses/SO's/ even children there.

  • Victoriamisu@xanga

    @Thumper49047@xanga - agreed, this sounds strange.

    but even if there isn't someone on the side, this is still unacceptable.

  • softaswater@xanga

    SPOUSES ARE SUPPOSED TO GO TO HIGH SCHOOL REUNIONS

    id be so fucking pissed. 
  • blonde_apocalypse@xanga

    The reunion/night out is a symptom.  Your marriage has serious issues. 
  • Salivarysatisfaction

    Personally I wouldn't be pissed. If the roles were reversed and I had been getting my ear chewed off for the last few weeks I would probably go to my high school reunion alone and with my phone off just to get some fucking alone time without incessant nagging/re-initiating of old fights. But I'm the kind of person who needs small periods of time away from my significant other, married or not.
  • Ni_Shi_Wo_De@xanga

    Definitely questionable...or he could just need a break.  He shouldn't have had his phone off though.
  • FueltotheFire@xanga

    I'd be pissed too!  My boyfriend (not even a husband) takes me to all his family events, reunions, work events, etc.  He wants me to be a part of his life.  The only way I would ever not take him is if he insisted on not going to something with me.  Otherwise we go together to social gatherings, because that's what you do.
  • ApresAmour@xanga

    As everyone is saying, questionable... sit down and talk about it.  I mean, honestly, does he want you doing the same combination of things?  No phone to reach you with, out with old friends he doesn't know and probably drunk?


  • jeezshoua@xanga

    Sounds fishy.

    I think I would be pissed off too.

    Your spouses are supposed to go with you to events like this - imo.  You have a few fights, so what?  Suck it up and play nice for a while.  Every day is a new day.  Problems shouldn't be drag over night.
  • M_E_M_O_I_R@xanga

    I... dunno.

    It feels as if there's more left unsaid than just some bad feelings... I can't say he's cheating or anything like that, but... I dunno... just gives me a bad vibe...
  • Sirius_Fan_Girl@xanga

    He sounds pissy but I think, well, of course he does- we're only hearing your side of the story. Not that it's necessarily innaccurate, but I'd need to hear his side too, y'know?


    You didn't go to his high school, so I think it makes perfect sense for you not to go. And I think you should be okay with that. What he should not have done was be pissy about it and ask if it was going to cause drama (although maybe you gave him a reason to ask? See, I don't know how you guys normally act...)


    I do think it was good of him to say that if you wanted to go, you needed to tell him right then. He was giving in a bit for you but didn't want to hurt your feelings nor lie and say he wanted you to come. He can't help what he wants, I guess.


    Honestly, the real problem is that you guys have been fighting a lot lately. Without that, this probably would have been a non-issue- he wouldn't mind you coming, or you wouldn't be pissed at him for going alone, or you guys would have discussed it in a more friendly manner. I think you just need to sit down and figure out why you're fighting.
  • AubreyBird@xanga

    maybe he was embarrassed by who he was in high school and just really didn't want you finding anything out if you went to the reunion?  He handled it poorly, but I'd be curious about his real reasoning.
  • wenguang@xanga

    sound fishy BUT maybe he was a nerd, geek, social reject, was pick on in HS but changed and don't want you to know about his past?

    and maybe he just want to have a guys' night out.
  • stuckINaBLOG@xanga

    sounds fishy... maybe an excuse to be alone with a hs ex?????
  • MoonCity@xanga

    I mean, this is HIS high school reunion, not yours. I understand that you want to go, but he probably thought it would've been strange for you to go. He probably wanted to have that nostalgic feeling seeing his old friends again, and having you there might kind of ruin that effect. Perhaps you can go on the next reunion? He should've at least told you why he didn't want you to go though..that part does seem suspicious.
  • rupunzel59@xanga

    I agree with YOU. I would be pissed. I mean sure, any of the other possibilities could be true. But still, I think I'd feel the same way as you.
  • meeschoo@xanga

    I would have been LIVID!! Shaking, ready to stab someone in the neck LIVID. I can totally understand where youre coming from though, I get very angry when my husband wants to leave somewhere without me. Good example? He went to Lake Havasu for spring break without me with his motorcycle crew. Yeah, I was f'ing pissed and threw a fit the whole weekend but whatever. Anyway, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GO WITH HIM TO HIS REUNION!! Spouses are supposed to go, should be invited to go and he should have wanted you to go. My husband and I went to the same high school but he graduated a year before me. There is no point for me to go to his or his to mine since we still remain friends with the exact same people we knew years and years ago. But if it were a reunion not like that I would expect him to take me and I would have gone, regardless if he wanted me to go or not. Fuck that. I hope you get to the bottom of this. Dont tolerate bullshit, its an ugly thing my friend and you need some answers. He shouldnt have turned off his phone, he should have called you instead of texted you and he shouldnt have went out all night. You have every right to be mad, like I said, i would have been angry as a motherf'er too.

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