It has come to my conclusion that I am completely uneducated in the ways of men.
Cliche eh? Well it's completely true.
For some reason in my mind I like to trick myself into thinking that I am an extremely suave person, and that when it comes to boys I am very good at holding a conversation, but this isn't the case. I feel as if all of my guy friends took at least a couple of weeks/months to get used to me because of how strange I am. Let me explain.
Generally when I see a semi attractive guy, I think to myself that I'll talk to him easily without any problem. But always one out of three things happen. Either:
a) I become completely delusional, loud, and obnoxious and end up looking like a complete whack job with dementia.
b) I'm extremely condescending, negative, and have a cold sense of humor (which is always a turn off) OR....
c) I chicken out and go talk to some either unattractive guy or some other girl that may be nearby.
Yeah, I'm a sophomore in high school, and I have a small boy phobia.
Now don't get me wrong, I do have really good guy friends, it's just that my initial reaction to guys is always obnoxious and I don't know how to get over it. I mean no matter how many times I tell myself to keep my cool I never do. And it doesn't help that I go to a school that is the size of a Nursing Home.
And if talking to guys isn't hard enough, flirting is almost impossible for me. At least in person anyway....I have this thing where I don't like to show any sort of interest in a guy whatsoever until he shows interest in me. But I generally can't notice if he's showing interest in me, and what if he's waiting for me to show interest in him? I'm sure you can see how my "plan" here is very much flawed.
So how do I get over this? And am I normal or just some weird prude teenage girl?
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Comments (26)
It's ok. No worries. It's probably a phase, or maybe you have difficulty trusting guys (more than friends) because you've been hurt before by crushes or relationships
How do you get over it? Treat him like any other guy. Talk to em like you would the unattractive guy you feel comfortable with.
I used to be intimated by attractive people, but ya know, they are people! We're all equal here.
@Lordv16@xanga - I agree with this.
Just talk to them like a person. It's what I do, whether I like them or not. I suppose you're reffering to the ways of flirting then?
Oh dear. I am exactly like you. Except I'm a sophomore in college. :/
I think it's pretty normal for a lot of people. You recognize what you're doing wrong, so you're a step ahead of a lot of folks. Just don't be too hard on yourself, we all have to deal with insecurity in our own ways.
Don't flirt (until you're ready). You have to find the balance between maintaining your femininity and approaching guys like the cool guys-girl. Like, giving them a run for their money at air hockey while wearing heels with your jeans (best example I can think of at the moment).
My point is, no matter how attractive a guy may be, if you initially approach him as a friend with no expectations of anything more, in time you'll find it easier to show off the highlights of your personality without feeling so self-conscious. In the mean time, they'll be chasing after you because (if they're really that hot) your nonchalant attitude will be quite a refreshing break from what they're used to. Every guy is different, but for the most part, this will score some extra points.
As for telling if he's interested, judge by the texts. By this stage in guy-world, each message is probably just one (or two if you're lucky) sentences long. If you're getting into full conversations like this where you're on the same wavelength and don't shut up until one of you falls asleep, go for it. Either he likes you likes you, or he likes you enough as a friend not to give you crap about it.
P.S. You're normal! You're still figuring out who you are (heck, we all are, but I remember the high school version of that), and you're not going to understand guys until you understand you. If you're interested in my advice at all, go at your own pace and never push yourself do to anything that doesn't feel right to you, even if it is just flirting. Your life, your heart; always do what's best for you :)
I usually secretly check him out when he isn't looking and wait for him to show a sure sign that he is interested such as staring at me like he wants me, but I don't really catch him staring because he is probably doing the same thing that I'm doing by secretly staring at me when I'm not looking
when I see a very cute guy, I just want to hide because I don't want him to see me giggle and blush
I rarely make the first move. the guys talk to me first. I give them props for being gutsy enough to talk to me because I do look intimidating like I'm not interested but that isn't always true, sometimes I'm just shy.
Dang, I was just like you in high school. I'm still kind of that way, well, the part where you said it's hard for you to pick up on whether a guy likes you or not. Like, I can't tell if a guy likes me unless he outright says it or asks me out. I'll find out a guy likes me and I'm always like wtf, when did this happen? Actually, it happened with my current boyfriend, he liked me for 4 years and I hadn't the slightest idea until he was like, yeah, I've liked you for 4 years. I know a lot of girls that act the same way you do around guys, especially ones that are your age, so I'd say you're normal.
Haha, I don't know how to help you because I'm exactly the same. But hey, at least you're not the only one...?
I'm 18 years old and I have no idea how to talk to guys. I'm sure at some point we will both learn how to, though. lol
Its cool. Neither sexes understand each other. If we did we wouldn't be interested yes? Hell most people don't even understand each other.
You will get over it with time. You will look back one day and lol at the way you acted. Stop thinking that these guys are better then you, because they are attractive or whatever. And like Lordv16 said "Treat him like any other guy. Talk to em like you would the unattractive guy you feel comfortable with."
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - "but I don't really catch him staring because
he is probably doing the same thing that I'm doing by secretly staring
at me when I'm not looking" Hilarious. E-props for that.
I think I have the same sort of problem I guess but I don't think my problem is not that severe.. I can still talk to attractive guys normally. The most annoying thing is I'm too shy to show interest in anyone or afraid that they might think I'm interested in them (whether I'm really interested in them or not.. if not it's even worse). :/
ahaha I do B sometimes. I remember I met this girl from west coast, I told her stories about how I hustled, and "freeloaded".. Let's just say she was an indie chick, who was afraid as hell.
I start out with a friend zone and work my way up. I try to seem more friendly and a bit more approachable by laughing a lot with others and making people feel welcome
Ugh, for some reason, the first one works for me when I don't want it to .. I'm obnoxious at work because that's the way I am and the guys flirt with me all the time. I'm not trying to pick anybody up, they just think I'm funny or something.
Some day, an attractive guy will think he can't approach you and you might miss the opportunity of a lifetime! Go for everything. What do you have to lose? So, maybe you'll get a weird look or get turned down, but you have tons of time to meet more attractive people. I think confidence and a care-free attitude in that respect is really attractive. Just be you :D
hopefully it is just a phase you'll grow out of. if not, then learn about yourself more over time...
were exactly the same.....but i think now im mustering the courage to say some hellos and even become casual friends.....so im guessing its a phase and we all will grow out of it........as we tend to do with everything in life :)
How in the world does that make you a weird PRUDE teenage girl? I don't see where being a prude comes in at all.
You're shy! That's fine. Shy people still get dates and get married. Whether you try the "just be friends first" route until you're comfortable or just be yourself with no active attempt at dating and end up being noticed, I think you'll be fine.
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same here...i'll act cold and pretend like i'm really cautious in meeting people
my friends said it's due to my lack of confidence
anyway, in my case, it's getting worse
No, you're just a teenager. You let your emotions get the best of you.
You're a sophomore in high school, you're supposed to be awkward and nervous around guys. I wouldn't worry too much about approaching guys as prospective romances yet. Just realize that this phase will pass. My advice is, when you are around boys- or anyone, really- just be yourself, and speak to them kindly and politely. Eventually you will find that the nervousness starts to pass. Don't try too hard to be what you think a boy will find attractive, that is kind of like lying, and no one likes that. Something you may want to guard against is the tendency to over-analyze every little thing a guy says. In my experience, the men worth getting excited about tend to say what they mean.
i never really had this problem...i generally act like an idiot anyway, so just let my true personality shine through or make some wack-ass off the wall comment...that usually gets the convo flowing.
it just takes time. just try talking about anything and eventually really convos can stem from that.
Your normal =P
Takes time and getting used to.
I tend to be the cold bitch myself. I show no interest and when we date I distance myself.