Sunday, 09 May 2010
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Insecure with His Usual Type
My SO and I have been dating for almost 2 years now. I feel that our relationship is really good. He is completely comfortable with me and his friends all love me. He is not a big fan of my friends except for a good two or three but my friends are not close to me (living wise so we don't hang with them as often). He trusts me and one day when I was talking to him he opened up and told me way too much information.
I am not that much of an insecure person but I feel like he put a lot that I have to stand up to. One of his ex girlfriends was a stripper. I mean I like to dance but I know I probably could never imagine to put any "stripper" moves on him. I wouldn't even know how to start.
Another thing is that his type has always seemed to be Asian girls. And I am definitely not Asian (although I have a lot of really close Asian friends). I am African-American and usually the only "black" one around in most cases.
Normally I try to brush it off but I have been really worried if he really cares about me and likes me as he claims to. His ex gf's seductive picture is stuck on his PSP because his friend hacked it or something (she is wearing a pink shirt with pink lace undies). I tried to ignore the picture and I could until when I asked about why he has it and explained that picture of his ex was stuck. I didn't know it was his ex and now that's all I can think about.
All of his ex's. The last 5 or so of them have all been Asian and I just feel like he secretly compares me to them. Am I just going completely crazy? I know I should probably get over myself but what should I do? I trust that he wouldn't cheat on me or anything like that but knowing too much about his past makes it hard to not compare myself when dating me is completely out of the norm and a total fluke. What should I do about (aside from try to get over myself)?
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- From: Jada2@xanga
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Comments (101)
Generally, coming from a guy's point of view (at least for me), I like to leave the past in the past. But, as it does greatly concern you and makes you uncomfortable, you'll have to talk to him about it. Either that, or find some way to just suck it up and eventually forget about it (but I digress since a small instance can bring you back to square one). However, you did say that you guys have a happy relationship for two years and you were the one that he has been concentrating on. So, it seems to be built on a stable foundation there. You'll just need to sort out your thoughts and figure which would be better for you (to talk or not about it with him).
um is he Asian too?
You're freaking out over something like this and you've been together for two years? Grow up.
Obviously there was something wrong with his "usual type" otherwise they wouldn't be broken up. It's been 2 years, relax. Sometimes having a "type" is a bad thing one needs to break away from, and clearly he found a new 'type' of person that suits him more.
I swear, the majority of guys like Asians. :x I wouldn't worry about that too much.
I know you feel bad right now, but just think... he's with you, not them. :)
I guess we can't judge them entirely from their job but its hard not to... that pic is kinda hot sorry haha...
Bring it up to him if it's really bothering you; but he will probably just say, "awww baby no need to fret. if i wanted an asian stripper i wouldn't have been dating you for the past two years. you're perfect for me the way you are <3"
Oh god, the visuals are what makes my jealousy-dar go off, too. But chances are, the past is the past, and he's picking you for a reason. It's good to be a step away from the trend!
I have to agree with kimber and sharonjo.... good advice
the past is the past, but the pic of her on the PSP is weird... if his friend hacked it to make it that way, his friend can do it again to fix it. i don't think you would be out of line to ask him to remove the picture if it really makes you uncomfortable.
Been there. My ex boyfriend had only ever dated tiny blonde girls. I am neither tiny, nor blonde. For a while I was insecure until I realized that it obviously meant that he saw something in me that made him feel as though I was worth him breaking away from the norm. :)
I would let him know how you are feeling :)
Eeehh. I know an asian stripper and she is pretty fucking attractive. But everyone else is right- he has been dating you for two years. If he chose you over his normal "type" then obviously there was something a little more special about you that drove him to deviate. Don't worry about it.
And most people keep at least a few pictures of their ex's while still being over it. Plus, I bet a part of him still likes to brag that he fucked a stripper to his friends. He should change the background if he can some other way and just keep it on some disc somewhere.
If the idea of putting 'stripper' moves on him intimidates you, do something else all your own. The stripper's an ex for a reason, so whatever she was doing just didn't do it for him. Since he's going out with you, you have that 'it' that he needs in his life. I'm not just talking sex here, either.
Though the picture of the ex on his PSP would bother me, too. Maybe you can have him have his friend unhack (rehack??) and delete her photo.
one thing i learned from my relationships are never to dwell in the past. the past is the past and if you can't see past that then you're not ready for that relationship.
before i started dating my bf, he used to date import models and i know for sure that i'm not even close to being an import model, but i don't care if i'm not an import model. i am who i am, he doesn't have to be with me but he chooses to be with me and he cares about me more than anything in this world. if you're feeling insecure about it then maybe you're not ready for this relationship.
Girl, don't worry too much. I'M asian and I hate the fact that my boyfriend's only dated asians and finds asians most attractive. I live in pretty much the biggest asian modern day suburb in the United States so it's harder when everywhere you look, there's asian girls with their little tiny clothes, flat as a board from front and back. Sounds like an insult, but it's seriously true. haha. Anywayyyy, honestly, you just have to remind yourself that he's with you for a reason. One of my boyfriend's ex girlfriends (that I found pictures of in his closet one day randomly out) is really tall and skinny and she's a dancer (but not in a stripper type of way). I'm short, I'm thicker, and I'm not really the traditional asian girl. But either way, I just keep in mind that even if we do break up for whatever reason, it's not the end of the world. Word of advice though, if you keep letting things like this bother you, you're just sending your relationship to the cutting block- it won't last for long. Unless he's outright hanging out with this ex girlfriend or going to go and visit her at work, he's not doing anything wrong by having her as an ex girlfriend. that's life. Fuck it and just keep on living.
Do you actually have a reason to believe he's comparing you to them?
If you're not his "usual type" and he's been with you for two years, he CLEARLY loves you! Love comes from unexpected places. It's probably much better that you're NOT his usual type. :)
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it's probably just a coincidence, really.
no you pretty much got it. get over yourself.
also hahahahahah at putting quotes around black. does that mean you're not actually black? are you usually the only black one around, or are you usually the only "black" one around?
No. That's such a compliment for you to be the only non-asian gf he's ever had.
See it from the other side. I'm asian, and I think it's SO unattractive when I hear a guy's only into asian chicks, and that he's into me. My thought process is "well, he loves asian chicks. I'm an asian chick. Therefore, he must love me."
It's not that he thinks I'm hot, he thinks my racial group is hot. And just because I happen to fall into the group that has black hair, light skin, and almond-shaped eyes, I'm acceptable.
It's SO much more of a compliment when a guy says "I'm normally not into asian chicks, but damn girl you have me going crazy." Basically he's normally not into asian features, but I'm such an attractive asian that he's attracted to me.
I'm just gonna say what surprisingly no one else has said yet, I seriously doubt that picture is stuck on his PSP. I'm sorry but if my boyfriend had a picture of his ex, half naked, "stuck" on his PSP, you better believe his little hacker friend is going to "unstick" it or the PSP is going to die a fiery death.
@HollowTendencies@xanga - I would like to enthusiastically second HollowTendencies' comment. I would like to take it a step further though, and say that if he's lying to you about this picture being "stuck," there's one of two things going on: either 1.) He's not over her or 2.) At the very least, he still likes to look at her naked. The motives for why the picture is still there is important.
Unless he's comparing you to them to your face or showing any signs,I think you might be going crazy.
I can see how it would mess with your head though,so it's understandable.
@xlessthan3x@xanga - A coincidence that ALL his exes were Asian? Unless he grew up in an Asian country or a very segregated Asian community, I doubt it was coincidence.
Anyways, why do you want to try something other than "get over it by myself"? Seems kind of silly since you obviously know that this is the best option. You could nut-up and just do it. Besides, it's not like you even have anything to be afraid of. Two years is a long time for most people in relationships, I really doubt after you point out that you're not Asian he's going to all of a sudden say "Holy Shit! You're right! I just don't see this working out..." I mean honestly, c'mon.
Oh and everyone compares everyone to someone. It's human nature. In fact, it's safe to assume he's already compared you to them in some aspect or another. Since he's still with you, you can also assume that you won the comparison. Cheer up.