Wednesday, 05 May 2010
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To The Boy Who Broke My Heart
Dear boy who broke my heart,
I loved you, for years and years and years. You were my best friend for four years, and then for three and a half years after that, you were the love of my life. It was so good at first. You made me so happy. You serenaded me in a parking lot, you bought me an adorable Teddy Bear, you said all of the right things, and you took me to see my favorite musical. Yet, somewhere in there, we went wrong. Somewhere, a stitch had been skipped in the perfect fabric of our years together. I thought you were my soulmate. Everyone thought that we were the perfect couple, that we were adorable, that we were meant to be.
I had my fair share of issues during our time together. You tried your hardest to be there for me in my times of need, and I know that I put such a huge strain on our relationship. I am a needy person, and I needed to be reassured of your love for me, which I know in the long run probably aided in pushing you away. I should have been more secure in our relationship and I should have been able to trust that you really cared about me.
However, looking back on the relationship, my worries were not so far-fetched. Whenever we were around other people, your body language and actions made it seem as thought you were almost embarrassed to be seen in public with me. You rarely touched me and when you spoke to people, you usually adjusted yourself so that I was excluded from the conversation. I was the one person you were always too busy for. Sure, Facebook is unimportant, but you never communicated with me on it. It was as if you didn't want people to know that you cared about me or that you talked to me. You were too afraid of appearing whipped to prove your commitment to me. To make matters worse, you became completely insecure in who you were and attempted to transform yourself, pushing us further apart.
When you started drifting away, it broke my heart. Our breakup was a month long process! It was drawn out and ridiculously painful. Everyone told me that I should leave and I should cut the final string but I held on, only to collapse when you left me for good. Everyone was right. I did not deserve to have my heart broken when I tried so hard. You made me feel like a failure and you made me feel like I was the one doing all of the wrong in the relationship but I realize now that this is not true. Yes, I did many things wrong, but so did you and, ultimately, the biggest faults were yours.
I do wish you success in what you do, and I wish you happiness in yourself. But I will no longer blame myself for what happened between us.
Love forever,
Your little fermata.
Have you ever had a breakup which you blamed yourself for, even though it wasn't completely your fault? Do you have anything you want to say to your ex?
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- From: materialactress@xanga
- About Me: I'm just a tacky college student. I'm studying HDFS in order to be a relationships counselor, although my relationships could always use a little work. I'm obsessed wtih Star Wars and koala bears, and I'm very tall but, no, I do not play basketball or volleyball.
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Comments (29)
Soldier on <3 Self-blame is horrible but I do it too. *hugs*
Hmm... to my online ex I will say, can we still be friends? And when the timing is right with all the world, we should give it another go.
To my physical ex... I'd like to say burn in hell.
I blame myself all the time. If you do not want to be with me then it must be my fault. I had years wasted with my ex. I even thought that if I never had met her I would have been somewhere better than what I am in right now.
I have, I emotionally cheated on ex-girlfriend and didn't know it till I told her. I didn't think it was a big deal, but it was.I did everything I could possibly do for the girl. I took her where she wanted, bought whatever I could get her, but that one thing that I honestly didn't think was such a big deal turned out badly. Even though it happened in the past and I told her about it, it came back and killed the relationship. I started to blame myself, but I then realized without the love goggles on that she was always saying I need to do this and I need to do that, and though I tried it was never enough, communication is always the key in a relationship. I learned that from this, although I did always try to talk I was pushed away. As for saying anything to my ex. I've already told her what I thought and my final thoughts. I'll always wish I didn't do what I did, but I won't regret it because it made me more aware in relationships so I never make the same mistakes again.
I do not want to sound like an insensitve ass-hole but at one point everyone's had one. Pity-posts are sad. Shame on datingish. Kudos though for the writer to have the courage to express it. The generic cliche-ness of it is over-wrought but thats ok, I'm biased, cynical and as stated, an ass-hole...
Everyone has war stories, everyone compares battle wounds, we all feel our breakup(s) deserve to be ranted about, bragged about, and we always, always blame the other person, or find reasons to blame the other person. Its a rule, never take responsibility for a failed relationship. I never did and won't expect anyone else to...
Don't get me wrong, I'm not downplaying the fact that it was hard for you, I'm sorry you went through it, I just think datingish like other -ishs on xanga are getting desperate and not finding their niche.
ps. I think it would have been a lot more impressive if you posted what you posted on your xanga - maybe you did and they just edited it out. Bigger impact - better connection maybe?! But like I said, A-hole! :)
I'm often the one to initiate the breakup, so I share fault, but my breakups are not the angry type, I just get bored of them. then again it wasn't a serious relationship, mostly casual.
Fuck men: http://inthepicture10.xanga.com/726577939/her-saddle/
This is really cute. <3 It's totally inspiring how strong you are. I wish I was that strong. <3 My one and only breakup was ... heartbreaking. I blamed myself for it so much, even though he constantly told me that it wasn't my fault and that it was all his fault that we broke up. And honestly, I'm still not completely over him. But now he's ... completely in love with his new girlfriend, so ... what am I supposed to do, you know?! I told him that I still love him, and he told me that he still loves me too, but ... we're in different places right now. I guess I'll always love him, but ... I've been trying so hard to move on, but it's just so difficult.
Surprisingly...no ^^
I felt bad for hurting the other person, but I don't think I have blamed myself for the failure of a relationship before. Generally, I consider myself to be a pretty good girlfriend.yes and YES! :(
Great post OP.
I would write something dramatic, but i'll leave it with:
You made the biggest mistake you ever did. You will regret it for life and I hope you think of me every night, every day...everytime you have a moment to spare. I hope you look in the face of every woman you know and think of me. I hope you see me in your thoughts and your dreams.
As I did see yours for awhile.
You'll never forget me,
but I...
Will forget you.
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The letter you wrote to the boy who broke your heart? I could write almost the exact same letter to a boy from my past. That sounds like exactly what happened to me a couple years ago, except I hadn't known the boy for nearly as long, so we didn't date for nearly that long. (I have a theory that those things go hand in hand, but I digress.) It's amazing how closely our stories are parellel.
That breakup was a messy one, but I've had other messy ones as well. My breakup past has been miserable, and while I know breakups are never fun, I've had a few especially terrible ones, and it's been difficult getting over each one of them. But with that particular one I was talking about, I blamed myself for years. I wrote down all sorts of things I wanted to say to him, and talked about it a ton in therapy, so the subject has kind of been exhausted by now. All I'd like to say to him today would be to ask his friends to stop glaring at me every time I see them. It's getting really old, and everything we did or said or fought about is in the past now and we should forget about it and stop letting it interrupt our daily lives. That's the only thing that still gets on my nerves.
live and learn
Great post.
Almost the same story minus the part where he shows his commitment... he was always like that on facebook and every now and then he'd post a cute comment...
but he gave me bigger jealous and insecurity issues with his actions.. and then he couldn't handle the way i changed. then he chose to try to change and it hurt me too. I blamed myself for not being able to forgive and trust again fully, but the thing is, I did in the end. I really tried hard for him too and now I know that it was mostly his fault that we came to an end.
Ugh this is why I have kind of strayed away from long-term or serious relationships in past. Break ups are hard, especially the kind when you know it's coming but neither one of you wants to do it. I've been there where I thought a guy was treating me different in public, but a lot of it just came from my own insecurity, which is still an on-going issue. Just be strong and take this as a learning experience. Everything happens for a reason.
And to my ex - thank you for what you did because I would never have met my current boyfriend w/o you. xo
To my ex - fuck you. You don't deserve anything. Not after faking a facebook profile to see what I was doing behind your back (which was nothing).
I can relate honey. My break up process is well over a month now. He just quit talking to me.
Awww...did he call you a Fermata because he liked to hold you? =]
That's cute.he blamed me for breaking up the relationship as i never showed him enough love and was always pushing him away. it was partially true but i sure as hell made it up to him since then but he still blames me.one time he tells me he loves me, the next thing he's gone with no explanation whatsoever. i call such an ex, a fucking bastard.
@kinamorata@xanga - It is a horrible thing. I think everyone does it. I especially hate seeing my friends blaming themselves for stuff, that wasn't entirely their faults.
It's good to see that you have come to the realization that you can't blame yourself for everything! Hopefully it helps you to accept things as they are and to move on!
I hope everything is going well for you, keep strong!
That was brave.
this was a really inspiring post.
to my ex:
thank you for breaking my heart because you made me realize how much better i deserve. your a selfish, heartless, and caniving piece of crap. i cant believe i wasted all the time i did on you, i wish i wouldve left you the first second i realized who you really were. and the fact that after a year you want to talk to me, fuck you. i have found someone who values me and actually treats me like a human being, unlike you asshole.
dear cheating x girlfriend...thanks to you, i'm no longer the "nice guy"