Wednesday, 05 May 2010
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Limitations in FWB Relationships?
I have a friend, let's call her K, who started up a hot and heavy fling with a new guy. A guy who just happens to be her future roommate in a house to be shared with two other girls. A lot of K's friends, myself included, thought this guy seemed a little bit "iffy" and continuously warned her to be careful and not to let her emotions take over her sense of judgment.The guy specifically said he only wanted a FWB (read - Friends With Benefits) relationship and couldn't commit to her as a boyfriend. Being infatuated with Boy, K agreed.
Throughout their fling, Boy repeatedly told K that she'd make a good girlfriend, that she's someone he could see himself with, that he cared about her more than just sexually. He laid it on pretty thick, in my opinion, even going as far as saying he wanted her to visit him in California and meet his family this summer (K is located in Ohio).
Flash forward to this evening. K finds out that Boy has been fooling around with another one of their future housemates. Neither girl knew about this until they each confessed it to their 4th roommate, who brought all of this out into the open. Messy, messy situation.
Do you think Boy was wrong in this situation to start things up with one of K's close friends? If you're entering into a previously agreed upon FWB situation, should there be any stipulations on who you can or cannot fool around with?
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- From: prettymuch_shocking@xanga
- Name: Michaela
- About Me: The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.
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Comments (31)
Well they guy was definitely a jerk for leading her on and hinting at possibly bringing their relationship to a deeper level. On the other hand though, the girl NEVER should have gotten involved in a FWB situation when she clearly has feelings for the guy, especially if they're going to be living together. It's not a black and white issue. He shouldn't have led her on, but frankly, something like this was bound to happen and she should have seen it coming.
Too many girls get involved in situations like this hoping to eventually win the guy over. It rarely works. If you're not okay with just being friends with benefits, don't do it. Simple as that.
I think he was wrong for saying things to her that made her feel like she could be his girlfriend, even when he said before that she couldn't. But the girl was also in the wrong for getting in an FWB situation with someone who she obviously likes more than just a friend. That's just asking to get hurt.
That said, there's nothing wrong with hooking up with your FWB's friends, in my opinion, unless she specifically asks you not to. It's just sex. Come on people...
uhm, yes. i think fwb should at least respect the person they're with enough not to fuck one of their friends unless its previously agreed upon that its cool.
but, since there was no real committment involved, you shouldn't be too surprised if that happens. it sucks, and its not right, but come on, what did you expect? doesn't mean she still has to keep sleeping with the guy, or even be friends with him still. she should just move on and find a better guy who won't string her on like that.
Hmmm. Well, both parties are at fault. K wanted more than just an FWB, and Boy was behaving more than he should have. And agreeing with the post above - going FWB with your 1st FWB's friend is pushing it.
But I don't see why Boy can't have 2 FWBs. Afterall, he didn't commit to anything serious.
i wouldn't want an FWB of mine to hook up with my close friends, at least not while they're still hooking up with me. i mean, come on, there's plenty of fish in the sea. one from each pond per time please.
I think that FWB is pretty open. I mean, I'm in one now. However, I think that it should be an unwritten rule to stay away from friends. It's disrespectful and can be completely messy and even hurtful. FWB leads to hurt a lot of the time anyway, but that's a surefire way. I'm in that kind of relationship now and if he went near one of my best friends, I wouldn't be able to handle it and it would be done.
Ok, the girl agreed to a FWB thing. She should know right away what that means. Granted, he has to right to fuck around with other girls, sure.
But this is a different kind of question, not one of rights. I could touch on the moral aspect, but everyone else has so I'm going to go another direction- his point of view. Should he have fucked around with HER girls. No, probably not. For one thing, he should have known that two girls who are fucking the same guy at the same time can almost NEVER get along. Ever. I've never seen it happen. Jealousy is too great a monster to get past. So forcing them into close proximity of each other is the dumbest idea ever.
Basically, he got greedy. He had a good thing going with one girl (even if he was a douche and used manipulative language to do so) and decided it wasn't enough. At the very least, he should have gone to a different watering hole. Now he has two girls, living with him, who may hate each other initially, but will end up ganging up against him. Think they're going to cock-block a bit much if he brings girls home? I bet they would.
This guy is not only a douchebag, but a dumb douchebag. If you're going to man-whore it up, at least do it right.
Well with my fuck buddies, we always make it clear that we are exclusive. The moment we want to pursue someone else we have to let the other know and we break it off.
HE DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG...HE SAID UP FRONT ITS ALL ABOUT THE DICK...HOW IS THAT COMPLICATED?
MAYBE INSTEAD OF FWB HE SHOULDVE SAID 'NSA' NO STRINGS ATTACHED....HMMMM
In my friends with benefits which involves more my female lover than my main lover which is my male partner, there are stipulations, it' s called being honest. Honesty is essential, truly. If you are fucking someone else, have the curtesy to tell the other. That is called being safe. Besides that boy needs to stop playing head games especially if your friend truly wants to be committed to him.
Like my wife says if all parties know and know what's going on from the start, no harm done
well he did clarify that they were just FWB, but it wasn't alright for him to be going at it with her close friend!
well whatever, guys are just dumb. they don't know anything and enjoy giving mixed signals.
Boy was wrong for acting like he wanted to date her, but I don't think he did anythign wrong by sleeping with her friend. It sucks, but unless they specifically said that sleeping with another roommate would be a problem, then he didn't violate any unsaid rule. That said, why in the world would you have a future roommate as an FWB? That just sounds hazardous. I mean, what was she going to do if he brought someone home later on? Awwwwkward.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - Oh, they're totally going to cockblock him. These girls are tight & the one he WASN'T leading on with manipulative language (i.e. the Other Girl) totally stands by K. The 4th roommate, the one who brought everything out into the open, now HATES him as well. So his life pretty much sucks now.
I don't really think fwb relationships are a good idea to begin with, but that aside, i think it's important to be honest so that you are aware of any risks in the area of STD's or such that such a relationship might incur.
@prettymuch_shocking@xanga - Yup. Sad to say, this man was an amateur and though this may not be his first mistake manwhoring, I'd bet it's the biggest.
What a nutsack.
Okay, well. She agreed to the whole FWB thing, and she should have knows he was going to screw around with other girls. (Once deeper feelings were involved though- it should have moved on from FWB to some sort of relationship).
Anyway, he shouldn't have messed around with her friend. If they're good friends, and living together, it's gonna get out somehow, so you might as well be open with it. I mean, even aside from that if you're gonna be doing your possible SOs best friend, its only polite to tell her.
In FWB situations, there should be "rules" laid down, since it is a sort of open relationship. I say best friends are off limit, as is family (sisters, etc...). Also, there should be communication. In my FWB situation, we tell each other everything. Hes my diary, pretty much. Granted, we don't ever do more than make out, he still tells me about the girls he flirts with, and I still tell him about the guys I have stupid crushes on. That's how we're able to remain best friends.
FWB is kind of a free for all. I mean it's kind of lame that he brought her close friend into it. If it had been some random girl it wouldn't be as big of a deal, but still he said he wanted a FWB. The way he handled the situation was a little sketchy. Telling her that he wanted her to meet his family and that he could see her as his girlfriend. He might have been feeding the other girl the same thing though to make sure that neither one of them left. If I was them I would find a new roommate asap. I had a FWB in high school and we both still casually dated other people, but it was fun to be able to hang out with each other and just get down to it without the awkwardness. We never had sex, but it was still fun. We never specified rules and we never even specified we were FWB. It kind of went without saying. The guy your friend was hooking up with was just an ass about it. I could see why she would be upset about that.
Boy is an asshole. Period. Fini.
No, because they're FWB.
It was jerky of him to say all of those lies to her.
He's a good for nothing player.
I would give anything to have cameras posted in that house when they actually do move in together.
since it is fwb and not a real relationship then all rules that generally apply to a relationship, such as respect,etc, does not apply in the fwb, so it is wrong that he led her on, but he was feeding her lies to get to continue to have sex with him, and trusting what a fwb says isn't wise. I feel for her but you're not suppose to be infatuated and have more than platonic feelings for a person that you're going to be fwb with, so he broke the human moral code and she couldn't follow the fwb rule of detaching her emotions from sex. I don't think he cares if all the girls hate him now. he had his fun and he'll probably just find another group of girls to agree to be fwbs.
AHA LOSER... that's what he gets for leading her on anyways and he must have been desperate if he went after her close friend... manwhoring does not get you nowhere!
K set herself up for disappointment.
Sounds like you are friends with a bunch of retards.
Well, considering that the guy wasn't in an exclusive relationship with K, then no, I don't think he is in the wrong for sleeping with another one of her roommates. That doesn't necessarily make him not a jerk, though. He definitely led her on. I'm sure he honestly believes that K would make a good girlfriend, but well? They weren't together.