My SO and I have been seeing each other for a little under a month now. Things are going beautifully, though I'll admit the whole start of the relationship was a little unorthodox.
We've only known each other for about a month and a half, and yes, we both know that jumping into a relationship head first isn't always the wisest move. But let me tell you, I've never had chemistry like this before. While I could easily gush for the next half hour about all the wonderful things we're discovering about one another, it's one thing in particular that caught my ear the other night.
"I can see myself with you for a long time," he said.Now before you think we're lust-drunk, doe-eyed puppy lovers, let me assure you, there is actual substance to this relationship. When he said those words to me, I believed him. And not in a "this is what my wedding dress will look like, and this is where we will raise our children" sort of way. Hell no. But even so, after less than a month of dating, it got me thinking about the future.
A good friend once told me that you shouldn't plan any further ahead in a relationship than the time period you've already spent together. So by this rule, I should only be looking at the next 26 days or so. Generally, I think it's a pretty good rule of thumb, but often I find myself thinking ahead to holidays, special occasions, and the like.
So when it comes to relationships and dating, how far do you plan ahead?
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Comments (40)
Usually afterlife. I make sure she's living a good life too so we can enjoy heaven together.
Aww thats nice :) I think most of us look way ahead and think of all those special occasions and stuff. Though thinking too far into the future is going too far ..Ive done it before and i think it scared the guy off haha.. the next 26 days or so sounds pretty good.
I don't know about that rule of thumb, I feel like there should be some kind of a limit to that. What if you've been together for 2 years, you should be planning or thinking about 2 more years later? I think that rule of thumb should be capped at 1 year or 6 months or something like that.
Funny thing, I actually planned WAYYY far ahead for my ex but I learned from that because I planned so far ahead I actually disappointed myself and her when we broke up. Since then I learned to never plan further than one or two weeks in which has been working pretty nicely for me and my sorta somewhat current g/f.
Though once I get to know the person and really care and love her, then I would plan slightly further which is what's happening now with my sorta somewhat current g/f. Though recently she's been getting on the really bad side that there I don't see anything further than a day (yea it's THAT bad) with her.
So it really depends as well.
Anyways take care!~
I like the rule of thumb you give about how long to look into the future, but I always have a hard time not looking forward. I've been in a serious relationship for about 8 months, and I find that I think a lot about what will happen beyond then because that will be after my SO graduates. I'm afraid that despite our strong relationship, I will be left heartbroken because he'll want more freedom or something. In general, though, all that thinking leaves me worried, anxious, and depressed, so I try to take it as it comes.
My boyfriend and I have a tendency to both think short term and long term at the same time. We've only been dating 3 months, so we take things a few days at a time the majority of the time, but we've also thought as far ahead as 6 months to a year because of some of the personal goals we both have, such as my pending college graduation and his acceptance into a police academy.
i dont c anything bad with planning ahead. just dont need to b too detail abt it cuz things might change~
...Just go with the flow.
Because the minute you plan something else..shit just comes back at you. I don't think about anything passed the next day, but that's just me.
It depends on your age, maturity and where you want to go in life. I know people who have been together for 10+ years and although they live together they have no plans of marriage. I also know people that meet, fall in love and get married within 6 months and are very happy. It's so personal that it's hard to generalize. For me, my hubby and I were planning a little bit into the future by 6 months, by a year we pretty much knew marriage was going to happen and had talked about it.
The first day my grandfather saw my grandmother, he was 12 and said, "I'm going to marry that girl," and so he did, and they've been together for like 60 something years.
My boyfriend and I started talking about marriage after we'd only been together about four months. We've now been with each other for nine months and it's still just as awesome. I think that when you know, you know, and that's all that matters.
That's cute, but there really is no way you can know after a month. You can know what you want, but there's no way to know if your relationship will hold up - you haven't had enough time to see if the right tools are there.
Just enjoy yourself and don't think about that stuff now.
I don't. Planning ahead could lead to disappointment. You could be thinking "wow he could be the father of my kids" only to find out he probably doesn't like kids.
I should also add that sometimes it works out. You could both plan that you will be together forever and have little mice helping you put on your wedding dress. You never know.
My boyfriend and I had been dating for almost a year when he showed me his budget for the next few years. Included in it was the money that I will owe after I graduate college next year (2011). It was sweet that he was thinking about our relationship long-term like that. I think we started talking marriage after about 10-11 months. Maybe sudden? I don't mind. It is working out perfectly still (1 yr 3 mos)
@HollowTendencies@xanga - Agreed, fully.
I've been with riley for four months now. I sometimes wonder if we will get married, but I'm not obsessed with the thought. I have thought about when we would get married if we did, but it was also a one time kind of thought, I don't dwell over something that might not happen. I do think about what it would be like spending christmas together...fourth of july. Yeah. I mean I do think about it but I don't get all lovely inside and mushy abou it. They are just thoughts.
that is a good rule!
you're lust drunk puppy lovers... sorry, you don't know a thing about each other yet. I'm not trying to sound cruel, but you honestly can not truly get to know someone, how they work, what they need, etc, until usually months into the relationship, at times, even YEARS.
Sure, there will be chemistry that just clicks, etc, but none of that means anything if in two months you find out that he's got a kiddie porn collection in the basement, and he hates his mother.
Just saying...
When you are really and truly in LOVE, you can learn the worst things about the person (which takes time longer than a few months) and you will love them regardless.
One time, when I was dating, my dad said to me, "Lisa, be careful... A guy can be good for a LONG time to get what he wants... see what he's like in a year," being a guy, I trusted him.
Don't jump into things no matter how sweet they seem. Talk SERIOUS SERIOUS SERIOUS things first and foremost.
My cousin had excellent chemistry with someone from moment one, they seemed to believe the same things, like the same things, etc... slept together over a weekend, are NOT together anymore, and she knows it was the biggest mistake of her life. And they'd known one another a few weeks before they "hooked up" so to speak.
@Gentleman_Of_Versailles@xanga - agreed
just get through the day first and it should be fine..a month is too of a time to think of those things.
take your time to get to know each other. I personally think it shouldn't be rushed. Spend time in all different kinds of situations and see how they react and if you could see yourself with this person forever.
people these days just freak out over "moving too fast".
sure, it can hurt to move too fast in some relationships, but love is all about taking chances. You already moved on too fast by committing in a relationships.. After all, how old could you possibly be? Instead of exploring and dating multiples of different guys, you committed yourself to ONE single guy.. to some people, that might be moving on too fast.
Dont listen to what the society has to say. I think following your heart and your gut feeling is the best thing to do when it comes to love. Think too much, and you're in trouble
We have only planned a year or two ahead and we've been dating for nearly four years.
The problem comes if you actually start working for it and then you two break up,and you're left heartbroken because things don't work out as you planned.
It's one of those things that people will tell you to "look out for you." It's YOUR relationship,other people shouldn't have a say in what is acceptable and what's not.
im not planning on thinking about marriage until ive dated somebody for like 5 years
I try not to plan ahead at all, because I've done it before and gotten myself into trouble. (There was a guy who told me he'd marry me after we were done with school, but we only ended up lasting five months. When he broke up with me, he basically said I was a bitch who he'd only stayed with for three of the past five months because he was afraid I'd spread rumours about him after he did it. So. I'd rather not repeat that experience.) So I usually take it one day at a time, but that's an extreme. 26 days sounds reasonable for most people. I'm too neurotic to make it work, but for most, 26 days seems fine.
@SheepShot@xanga - very sweet morbid beetlejuice movie romance
I've been with my boyfriend for over three years and we still don't discuss the future. Occasionally, one of us lets it slip to the other that, inside, we've been planning ahead, but that's rare.
We'll talk future when our lives work out to do so.