Why is it that guys are allowed to date as many girls as they want but if a girl does that, she's automatically a slut?
It never really made sense to me. Instantly, a girl is a whore if she dates 3 different guys within 2 months. What if the guys weren't good enough for her and she just had those relationships to expand her horizon? The standby person wouldn't know.
If a guy dates 5 girls within 2 months and maybe "got some," he is "the man." So he's expanding his horizon. Though, not much is retained from these past relationships. Was there really the romance and actuality of being in a "relationship" within the short period?
Sometimes, too much of anything is bad.
What is your take on 'double standards'? Someone want to explain to me how guys are allowed to date more without having a negative stigma attached to him?
True
Comments (49)
I'd like to think we left that way of thinking in 8th grade...I figured everybody knows about the "double standard", but nobody takes it seriously anymore.
Meh.
i'd like to believe no one still thinks this way. but of course, i'll occasionally see some gem of a post that proves otherwise. (i don't mean this one.)
hi i think the women who date more men ina short period of time are seen as sluts as most people think they slept with these men.
well there may be two reasons why:
I f a woman become pregnant its visible and noticed that she had sex with someone
I f i guy sleeps with a lot of women there is nothing really Physical showing that and humans comment on what they See.
secondly for women they put a lot of emotions on dates whiles men actually rarely do
well Visit www.dateclass101.com and Find out for yourself
i actually read that its rooted in an evolutionary reason. apparently, it used to make sense for a woman to need to be faithful to one man, so that he knew those kids was carrying his genes and he'd take care of them come hard times, but a man could spread his genes all over the place to continue the line.
i think it's total crap, but its the explanation that makes the most sense.
after all, everything else in our lives is blamed on the idea that we're somehow descended from more primitive beings who were really really really really basic in their thinking, and that those really really really really basic, primitive folk figured out the whole genetics thing long before mendelssohn or anyone else who did genetics research....
@quodmenutriut@xanga - hah, true.
I just think it's time to start being proactive about killing these double standards -- everyone knows its ridiculous, so why do we still uphold them? I like to think today's human beings have advanced enough to actually see each other as equals in most ways ... meh. This will be hashed over again and again though. I've read this complaint many times and know I will again. *sighs* no good.
It's biology: men were designed to create the most offspring with as many decent quality partners as possible, while women were designed to find the best quality partner and create many offspring with that partner only.
Now that's messed up to begin with, but throw condoms and birth control in the mix and it's no wonder we have this double standard.
Bottom line is, as long as I know I've kept my legs closed while I "date", if I get called a slut, then whoever called me one was both ignorant and arrogant. Anyway, sluttiness won't keep you from going places in life so long as you use condoms and don't do porn, but ignorance and arrogance . . . I believe I've made my point :)
I think it's a double standard because most of the time girls make themselves out to be the so pure and innocent sometimes, and society says a woman should never sleep around because they're more emotionally sound and mature then men and have self respect. Which means they wouldn't do something so disgusting... for lack of a better word. For Example, I've seen girls talk amongst girls, and they say, "omg did you hear so and so had sex with so and so", "Omg yes, she's such a slut she was just dating this other guy before" So it becomes a little twisted in some cases. Females like to portray themselves as faithful more than men, you see it on t.v all the time. But when they aren't they get mad when they're told other wise. This is just my opinion of course, and I'm just going by what i see and think. I personally think it isn't fair, but at the same time it would cause an alarm to ring in my head. Let's face it, Woman are just put on a pedestal as pure and innocent because they're thought of as the weaker gender and are supposedly more classier than men, but we're all humans in the end. Blame the rules of society.
@PrettyKitten - i think we haven't advanced much further than bashing each other's skulls in with rocks over the rights to the watering hole. except now we bash each other's countries in with bombs over the rights to the oil field....
why would we ever think we'd advanced past double standards?
interestingly enough, its more of a quadruple standard... totally different standard for lesbians, and even more different one for gay men. at least in my experience of the gay culture...
god i hate saying 'the gay culture'... it sounds so.... seperatist. but my point is that even in-group, there is one standard for a lesbian, and one standard for a gay man, one standard for a straight woman and one standard for a hetero man. so.... i guess it depends more on who you're fucking than whether or not you're fucking at all? after all, the standards for gay men and straight women are most similar out of the four...
i'm probably not making any sense at all. my shift key is broken, which is totally screwing up my punctuation, i'm exhausted, and i'm hopping mad about this whole... quadruple standard thing.
@vixen_with_a_cause@lovelyish - not really a huge fan of the idea of multiple offspring, regardless of how many baby daddies are in the picture. but yeah, that's the point i was going for with my slightly less intelligent sounding post. :) thanks for elucidating it more clearly than i currently possess mental faculty for.
i agree with those who mention the biological perspective. i actually had an ex who had to explain this to me in order to not scare me off because he had slept with 7 - 8 girls before me, though this would never scare me unless he wasn't having safe sex.
i've actually had ex-bfs who said they wish i had been in more relationships/slept with more guys before i started dating them. this is a very annoying contradiction, because once i asked them "so if i slept with say, 6 other guys and then dated you, you'd be okay with that?" they didn't answer. these ex-bfs (and i only have 3) wanted me to date more/sleep with more guys so they could be the "best" bf or just to be direct, be the one to "be the best in bed".
so it's also an ego thing with some males to have multiple partners, whereas perhaps most women don't necessarily need to feel they have to be the best in bed.
@quodmenutriut@xanga - in terms of personal relationships, I was referring to -- that we should have come far enough to allow people to choose to be with whomever they please. There's an entirely different mentality we possess when it comes to war and all that noise.
You can date all you want.
Just don't have sex with all of them.
Because if you do, you're a slut.
I thought that's how the double standard worked. :P
Bottom line:
Men get praised for scoring multiple women because it is a hard thing to do. Women are (usually) selective on who they date, and have sex with.
Women get scorned for scoring multiple guys because it is easy for them to do. It's not like there's any lack of willing participants.
In conclusion, the double standard exists because of honor. Something that took much work to accomplish will always seem more rewarding than something with little challenge.
But of course, it's not like women believe in honor or anything. :P
@quodmenutriut@xanga -
That doesn't make sense, because there are definitely primate species
that have females mating with multiple males. (Think, many
Callitrichidae females have one reproductively active female with
multiple males that are helping her raise the twins she gives birth to.) Why do they have the opposite social system then humans? For humans to be continuing a social system simply because they are "ingrained," to do so would indicate a molecular reason for behaving a certain way. I highly doubt the underlying cause for human mating/social system is molecular, I think it's more contingent on culture. (This can be seen with langurs of Asia who are going through a recent changing of social/mating systems because of hunting effects.)
By Mendelssohn, I'm guessing you mean Mendel....
@vixen_with_a_cause@lovelyish -
See above comment, plus:
Biology does not explain "design," it explains chance happenings. The usage of the word "design," is something an Intelligent Designer would use, and they are far from biologists...
Hey... weather its warranted or not (not that i'm honestly trying to defend one position or another) men are deemed as pigs and have been from like the beginning of time.... so weather the guy is an actual pig or not, we just start giving reason to being called as such... sooner or later, the stereotype starts perpetuating the cycle... and women wonder why there aren't any good guys left.... its funny what just a bit of respect would do... and hell if nothing else... we're just not afraid to go out and get some and be vocal about it. We're just smart enough congratulate each other for getting some. Its a fantastic communal support!
And women cary the title of whore's because women like to cary the title of being proper and above all of this sort of thing. We men are chastised for wanting to have sex, so when a woman simply wants the same thing, its ends up being mildly hypocritical... when we cal you whores, we stop caring about 38 seconds later... Something tells me the whore stereotype is more perpetuated by your own kind... and for the women who's cycle is perpetuated by men?.. well maybe you should just stop having sex with so many guys.... your own actions might perpetuate your own stereotype.
And by the way, if you're dating 3 different guys in 2 months, you have other problems besides being a whore...
Sorry, I couldn't get past how they didn't crop out the black sliver in the top left corner of the photo.
wow...that guy's arm is bigger than my leg!! how do you get like that??
hugh hefner made the ladies man pimp reputation look good
and men get blueballz so their fellow guy buddies understand how painful that is so when he gets some from a slut that he dated or one night stand or whatever method and relieved that annoying feeling and if she was hot, too, then he scored big time. I think it is a mutual brotherhood acceptance or something. when women date and sleep around then possibly get pregnant and not know her baby's daddy, then she is the sluttiest slut ever even though the accuser might've done similar things on her dates but compared to the other, she isn't that big of a slut. so her reputation is sometimes dependent on how slutty the others in her immature and catty circle of friends are because that is how they make themselves look better by not being the top slut and she is at the disadvantage if she sleeps around and gets pregnant while the guy who got her pregnant might be long gone at who knows where. I think it is looked down upon by fellow females, who might be more critical of the behavior, because we're disappointed if she settled for less and hope she'd be in relationships where the guy respects her.
Someone told me...
If a key can open a lot of locks, it's a master key
But if a lock can be opened by a lot of keys, it's a bad lock
@tomorrow_may_rain@xanga - "Since it takes one member of each sex to make a baby, access to females is the limiting resource for males in reproduction. For a male to maximize the number of his decendants, he should mate with as many females as possible; for a female to maximize the number of her decendants, she shouldmate with the best-quality male available. This explains the two widespread sex differences in many species of the animal kingdom: males compete, females choose; males seek quantity, females quality. Humans are mammals, and our sexual behavior is consistant with our Linean class." - Pinker, Steven. The Blank Slate- The Modern Denial of Human Nature. Pg 252. Penguin Books, 2002.
@Pladinator@xanga - I've heard those talks in school as well. Kinda irritating. Maybe that's why the word gets around bad?
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - Girls are 'usually' looking for a decent relationship. I'm putting a huge general stereotype on it since I know guys can also look for one as well. And I guess it's just with the type of friends she hangs around with that'll give her the perspective of a slut?
@pineappleyellow@xanga - I've heard of that too. And, it is a good way to see things in my opinion.
@methodElevated@xanga - I wonder who picks the photos...
@Not_a_real_site@xanga - Why worry what people think of you later? Oh man... we cant have that... we cant just have a bunch of level headed people going around having sex simply because they want to! Right on man... i'm 100% with you
@TheDoubleDeuces@xanga - nobody really cares but if the worried slut decides to tell, then prepare to be judged and if they know their friends are judgemental, then don't be their friend, unless they love the drama and attention even if it is negative attention. being a slut is not just sleeping around, but drawing attention to themselves with details not worth bragging about is also slutty. I think these girls are jealous that their friend got 3 dates and they don't even have one so they bring her down for a normal thing called dating.
I HATE this kind of double-standard. It should be exactly the same for both men and women