Friday, 30 April 2010
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You're Not Dating Him Anymore
I've known this guy for 2 years and we have been talking for one and a half years. He has a 5 year old daughter. It's not an issue now but it was before since I was brought up by a very conservative family. My mother didn't approve at first. When I mean "conservative", I mean really conservative. Pre-marital sex is out of the picture.
His ex, Sheryl, still comes around, of course that is normal because they have a daughter. But the thing is that she acts like she is still his girlfriend. She constantly bitches at him when he doesn't call her once in awhile. She calls him and complains about her stomach before she goes to work.
Do you approve when your bf still give gifts to their exes? On mother's day, Valentine's Day, or birthday? He remembers her birthday when he can't remember mine. He always tell me that he has an issue with remembering dates.
We have a long distance relationship and I don't know if they are seeing each other. To think that they are always together. He keeps on saying that they broke up 5 years ago but the last time they slept together was 3 years ago. So, who knows right?
Sometimes, I feel like these guys take those people who care about them for granted. I just hate you.
What would you do in my situation? Is it okay that his ex still thinks they have a romantic relationship?
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About the Author
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- From: nylereoj@xanga
- About Me: I am once an insomniac. Anorexic? I have a tendency to trip over my own feet and go gaga with any fruity scent cologne. I think I need to get a life and stop living on my computer(online relationships are bullshit anyway, they can't be with you when you need them the most! and vice versa). Flawed and imperfect. happy. Frustrated and desperate. Positive. I write, I draw, I scream; I am at the mercy of my emotions and my distorted perception of the world. And I can't imagine defining all of me in this small little box.:)
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Comments (19)
"His ex, Sheryl, still comes around, of course that is normal because
they have a daughter. But the thing is that she acts like she is still
his girlfriend. She constantly bitches at him when he doesn't call her
once in awhile. She calls him and complains about her stomach before she
goes to work."
actually, that sounds like a friend. are you expecting her to not be friends with the father of her child? unless the breakup was nasty, why shouldn't they get along?
"Do you approve when your bf still give gifts to their exes? On mother's
day, Valentine's Day, or birthday? He remembers her birthday when he
can't remember mine. He always tell me that he has an issue with
remembering dates."
V-Day, maybe. but my parents are divorced, and i remember that my dad still got something for my mom for Mother's Day and her birthday when i was younger.
Valentines Day presents? Not ok. They're not dating. Sleeping together when they're supposed to be broken up? Even more not ok! Without those things, this situation would be fine. With those... I would NOT be comfortable with it.
I don't think I would ever be with a guy who still keeps in contact with his girlfriend and who also has a kid. But thats just me. I
I would expect them to keep in touch because of the child obviously... but yeah I agree with the others the V-day gift-giving is kindof ridiculous.
Not on Vday, but they do have a child together and I can see why she would get upset if he didn't contact her every few days. I am in a relationship with a guy who has a kid from a previous marriage and he still keeps in contact with his ex wife and even called her on her birthday to wish her a Happy Birthday. I didn't get upset over it, although it was just a phone call and not a gift. However, they had a nasty split and don't communicate unless it involves the kid so there is no reason for me to worry. I would ask him
He sounds like a real shmuck...which doesn't say much for a girl willing to put up with all this for him.
I wouldn't date a guy with a kid, too much extra drama. broke up 5 years ago and slept together 3 years ago means they are occasional booty calls and haven't cut romantic ties for good. I don't think I could deal with it so if I were in that situation, I'd break up. I can't stand people who claim to not remember dates. if you don't remember, then write it down in your planner or other notepad or put a reminder on your cell phone calendar. no excuses.
he's probably not worth you if he doesnt make you feel secure being with him. A true man would be able to make their woman feel secure at all times.
definitely not ok with me at all. i'm such a jealous person, if he forgot my birthday but remembered hers, he would have hell to pay.
Let me tell you one thing that I know for sure, LONG Distance relationships WONT work!
What would you do in my situation?
Find a man that does not have so much excess baggage. If he and his ex's relationship with each other are bothering you now, it's only going to get worse. Not to mention they broke up 5 yrs. ago and they slept with each other 3 yrs. ago...hmph, that doesn't sound right. He might have meant 3 weeks ago if his ex is still in la la land thinking they're together.
It's rude and inconsiderate to you for them both to act like that in front of you. Regardless if a child is involve. The very fact there is a child involve taints your relationship with him and brings the ex closer to your bf, what's that child going to think of you when it gets older..."who the **** are you trying to steal my father away from my real mother?" etc. I'd move on quickly if I were in your situation. There's plenty of single men in the world to choose from.
Is it okay that his ex still
thinks they have a romantic relationship?
NO.
It makes sense for him to get her a gift on mother's day, but valentine's day is a little weird. Although, a lot of people get gifts for their friends on that day. Do keep in mind that they have a child together and probably mean something to each other at least.
Also, if he has known her for so long, her birthday will naturally be easy to remember. He hasn't known you for nearly the same amount of time, and you have a long-distance relationship, so it'll be more difficult for him to keep that in his head.
But you should talk to him about it if it bothers you. He shouldn't have been sleeping with her again if they broke up (and honestly I don't think they should have in the first place- this is the kind of trouble it causes) but if he actually loves you something will work out.
Run away. Run far far away.
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oh dear. . . doesnt sound like a good situation.
be strong and walk away
"Do you approve when your bf still give gifts to their exes?"
Only if they're really close friends still... And only if he makes sure I'm comfortable with it.
"He remembers her birthday when he can't remember mine. He always tell me that he has an issue with remembering dates."
That's bull. If he remembers to give HER gifts on her birthday, Valentine's Day and especially MOTHER'S Day (which is difficult for men to remember), then there should be no excuse for not remembering YOUR birthday.
"He keeps on saying that they broke up 5 years ago but the last time they slept together was 3 years ago."
They're probably friends with benefits.
What would you do in my situation? Is it okay that his ex still thinks they have a romantic relationship?
Dump him. No, it's not okay. It could mean that she is delusional and a lot of other times, it simply means he encourages this kind of thinking. So if he loses her, he still has you and vice versa. You don't want to be in this situation, girl.
All too often women have to overlook things in relationships and accept treatment that is way below what should be accepted, and it's not okay. To remember her birthday and not yours is not alright. You've known each other for a few years and you deserve to be remembered. It almost sounds like this is more stressful to you than beneficial, with the long distance issue on top of the ex drama.
His ex's behavior sounds a bit out of line though, so maybe you're right to think so, but he sounds a bit out of line as well. Giving her things for Valentine's Day? Yeah, that shouldn't fly with you. It's crossing the line of friendship in my opinion. That may be alright when he's single, but he's not anymore because you're in the picture now. I think you just need to look out for yourself in this situation, and I wish you the best of luck with whatever you choose :)
I am in your situation but in a way even worse. My partner has three children from two previous relationships. The youngest has only just turned 1.
And his most recent ex would not admit that they had broken up. Still expected to come round the flat and spend time with him and used to rant and rail at him for not going to see them more often. He repeatedly had to tell her that he did not go round to see her, just to see their son whom he adores.
She refused to admit to my existence for a couple of months until she then attacked me. And when she did so, she asked if I 'knew who she was'. I wanted to respond with 'yes, you're the EX girlfriend who DOESN'T LIVE HERE anymore.'
The truth is that what the other woman thinks is regardless. Do you honestly doubt your partner that much that you think that he could cheat on you?
My partner met an ex of mine last night and invited him to crash on our sofa bed when we found out that he didnt have a proper place to stay at the moment. When I asked him how he was ok with this, his response was that if I could trust him enough to leave him alone with his psycho ex and believe that he wasn't cheating on me then he could trust that I no longer had feelings for this other guy even though I work and socialise with him.
As for buying presents? My partner was only with his ex for just over a year but he still buys her presents on her birthday and he bought her a jokey present on valentines. It worried me at first, but I realise now that its just because she is the mother of his child. He doesn't feel a romantic attachment anymore, but he loves her in an odd way (and hates her in many others) purely because of how much he loves the son she gave him.
And believe me, I am jealous of that. And no matter how many children we have he's already had them. He's already felt what it's like to hold a little person and know that they're made of him and that is something that his exes know that they will always have over me.
I just always remind myself of one thing:
If he wanted to be with her, why not be with her? They have a child, they've had a relationship. Their families all know each other etc etc... it would be easier for him to be with her and not me. So if he wanted to be with her, then I wouldn't be worth all the trouble.
Your partner has made a commitment to you. Give him credit and give him your commitment unless he does something that is reaaaally not right; something that is more than just fuel for female paranoia.
hope you work things out :D